daily check in for women

I'm finding myself very agitated right now. It was not a good day. I did not sleep well and so I cancelled a flight since there was no way I was good to fly. Next, something that I set up for a friend fell through due to administrative stupidity and I feel that I let her down. It's not my fault, but I feel responsible. Also, she is my best friend and I watched her abused by her boss into leaving the organization. So, I see far less of her. Her husband is jealous of our relationship and the time that we spend together so I see even less of her and I feel her slipping away. I've mentioned that I'm very shallow emotionally so I don't feel sad, but I do feel agitated and cranky.

My sleep isn't great either. Lately, I am screaming in my sleep in the middle of the night again. It's a symptom of PTSD I guess. Also, I was pretty depressed but I am feeling slightly better now.

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm pretty tired this morning. But I feel Okay. I was able to do some chair yoga. It was really nice. Hope everyone has a great Friday!

I'm better than I was. I had a long talk with my friend and she assured me that I'm stuck with her, which made me feel a whole lot better. Work is still a mess and will be for the foreseeable future, but I think I care less as a survival mechanism.

Ok, so I'm kinda disturbed at the moment by this particular season of a show I started watching...guess it illuminates some fears for me. I ugh, expressed my fear to someone online and they said the show isn't that bad. But see, this is from the male perspective and now I'm a little scared that I shared my fear. I dunno. Hopefully I'll get over it. I've been Googling all night trying to find ways to overcome fear. I feel a little bit better now...

Oh! but what brought me to this forum was to admit that while watching the show, I was engaging in my picking "ocd" thing again (for those who haven't read it yet, I haven't officially been seen nor diagnosed about this yet since it's really only been concerning since this year/couple of months). Anyway, so I suppose fear, which is kinda anxiety, right (?) is a trigger for my obsessive compulsive tendencies.

On a happier note, got to see my precious kitties again and shy Blackie was hovering around me even more again tonight. I realize that I might only be loved because I give out treats, lol, but this was even before that and after as well! <3 <3 <3 Too bad I can't live with him and possibly help him completely overcome his shyness...I suppose he's better with my folks too, but I know he still even gets jumpy with them. He won't even play with his toy on a string because it scares him! um...well, that wasn't a very happy ending....

How about this- does anyone else know someone who's smile just lights up their day?? They can be people you know or people you don't (like celebrities). I have a few and I just think of those happy smiles and it warms my heart! Happy smiles (and hugs) to all who need them/want them!!

I wanted a man to act like he was in control more than completely passive, which was what I got. I’ve either had mad love for the elusive, or repulsion to the unchallenging.

I’m so freaked out from sex, I can’t do it anymore.

I don't have much motivation today. But I'm pushing myself to get things done, like taking my meds, injecting my insulin and getting a shower. It will be a bonus if I wash dishes today. At least I don't have to clean litter boxes today. I'm looking forward to when I can just relax in my bedroom and read with my cats. Hope everyone is well today!

My cats like when I read to them.

Feeling much better. My drama factor is down and I had a good flight and workout. I was doing low altitude training at 2000' and got to see whales. What a treat.

It's early this morning. I couldn't sleep. I hope to start on my chores soon. At the moment I'm setting up my laptop. My desktop died on me. I'm pretty bummed about that, but it's under warranty. Hopefully I can have it repaired within the next two weeks.

I always forget this thread in my time of need...well, maybe I don't want to tire you with my troubles though as it happens every month but...

Decided against putting this one in my journal as it's not news to me, unfortunately, and I could share some love with the group.

I'm cramping and it hurts. Mood is okay. Will be great if hubby can bring home dinner. Right now I'm a bit anxious waiting for his response and worried about stressing him more since I know he's been having long days lately. Ok, now I'm a bit sad...but hopefully we'll get some food, maybe Chinese??!! And then it's Nancy Drew night, so thats always fun!

Hugs to all who need or want them! *hugs

Blah, I can't sleep. I'm all wound up over my BPD friend reentering my life. I got hundreds of texts, emails and voice mails in the last eight hours. I'm already geared up for drama.

@ARaven0137 ah! I forgot, we did sorta meet here, in this thread. (Sorry folks. Inside "joke")

Anyway, bleh! I had a 3rd day of cramps today, not as bad, but still. Should not be this much. I've also been having jaw aches for the past 2 days and my triceps are sore from (get this) a weightless exercise routine. I must be really soft...but I was contracting those muscles really hard though!
Anyway, had some good sunshine today so sat in the porchroom and did a little writing.

Frankly, these days I'm struggling with how to spend my time. I think I need to cut back some on online stuff, and in ways I am, but it's hard for me because this is my primary source of socializing and keeping in touch with the world as well as just something fun to do. Although I've recently taken back up with crochet and considering buying a deck of cards to play solitaire...and the writing stuff...and will hopefully get back into working out more when I feel better. Still...seems I just can't get enough of being online. Oops! Hope no one minds.

I'm really worried about the coronavirus. I was anxious most of yesterday. This morning I feel a little better. I canceled all my appointments for a month. I'll be staying at home.

this is "daily" so I'll post again. I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted. At least I slept last night after two consecutive nights of restless sleep, but I still went to bed worried and sad. I hope the things that are stressing me get peacefully resolved. I don't like drama...not in real life anyway. <3

hugs

Doing Okay today. I've been cooking and I plan to cook some more soon. Later I will relax and read. I'll also play games. Hope everyone is well today!

What a mess today it. Trying to activate a credit card was like going to the moon. Then, personal drama for me and my best friend. Ugh. it's been a day and it's only 930 am Sunday.

Today is off to a slow start. I need to get cooking here pretty soon, but hopefully my leftover wrap will be good to eat for now. I looked up some new chicken recipes last night...hopefully we'll be able to get through this week because all we have right now is chicken...oh well there's a few packets of beef, oh, and I keep forgeting the one lone packet of lamb...also hope our store will resupply this week too. It's much easier to have a variety to choose from, even though my go-to is lamb, but also, we'll need to have food for next week and beyond, so really hoping that food comes in.

I'm feeling better emotionally etc, but still have a little concern. Hard for me to just turn things off completely, but I'm trying to maintain positivity! Hugs to all that need them/want them.

I have been depressed. Also, I don't feel so good physically, my stomach is funny and my wrists and ankles are swollen. I think it's a side effect of one of my meds from my endocrinologist. I was really hoping to not have to go to any medical offices amid this coronavirus epidemic but I may not have a choice.

hi,
I'm new to this group.
I am nervous we are having a lot of construction done around and in our house the next few weeks. This week they are putting all new sidewalks and cement in front of the garage. Then we are getting a new septic system and they are remodeling a bigger room for me and turning my current room into a big bathroom/ laundry room. Its all exciting i know but i have problems with change so i am stressed and nervous.
My sleep has been improving and i am sleeping thru the night and my nightmares seem to have stopped.
thanks and warmest regards, Tams

Thanks for checking in @88Butterfly88 I was losing track of your thread. Hope you start feeling better soon though. Those physical side effects or whatever they are sound not fun. Hugs

Hey @Tamster Great to see you out and about on the forums! Sounds like you've got some exciting but understandably stressful stuff going on lately. Hope it all goes smoothly and you're pleased with the end result! Also sleeping good is always good. on that note, I really outta finish up some things and try to sleep...but we took a mini nap tonight, hubby and I, and I feel awake. Hmm

See y'all tomorrow!

I am a very emotionally blunted person with very little emotional range, but I am at a low point. Work, which had always been a haven for me, has become a festering pit of abuse, bullying and discrimination. Not particularly against me, but against so many that I care about. My home life is nothing but conflict with another mindless, stupid and ridiculous fight. My SO just wants to be angry with me and so he finds anything to be his cross to bear. I learned this phrase from my dad and I use it often with my SO, is this the hill you want to die on, meaning is the conflict worth going to the mat for. Are crumbs on the counter or my not having invited him to something he doesn't like anyway worth divorce. I always say that he's not happy unless he's not happy.

I needed a vent, thank you. I'm just so done.

Doing Okay this morning... just tired. No energy. No motivation. I think I will sleep.

I was up late last night. I am soo tired right now. I f÷el it was worth it though. But I'm really struggling to get going right now. I feel physically unwell. :/ I have to take one more med on an empty stomach and then I can have breakfast. Hoping that will begin to wake me up.

Welcome @Tamster! I remember seeing you in the chat room a while back but I don't go there all that often anymore as I prefer to take my time writing messages versus chatting more quickly in real-time. I hope you are able to cope with the changes going on in your life.

@giddykitty Thank you for caring! I hope you feel better and get some sleep soon.

@ARaven0137 Sorry to hear that. I'm happy to listen.

@Deilla I have days like that sometimes too. I hope you are able to sleep.

everyone

I have been so-so. I'm video chatting with a new therapist tomorrow.

Doing well... I was able to get most of my groceries I ordered. Still no paper products but that's Okay. I may have enough til the next shipment.