[seeker1950]

Well, here it is in a nutshell...I've had such horrendous experiences in my attempts at finding a loving partner since my divorce of 10 years ago, truly hurtul and humiliating, though these relationships took many years of my valuable time.
Now, age 56, I've found myself reclusive, and cultivating an attitude of Asexuality.....
I'm not having a pity party here, and even wondering if it is my age that has evolved into this attitude of solitude. Maybe so, but my experiences have been truly horrendous, each taking years from which to recover....each one.
At one point, I resorted to sex toys, but now have no interest in them at all, and want to put them in the trash, fearing that if I had an accident, they would be discovered!...Can anyone relate???
I may delete this thread...It's so personal!
Patty

(((((((((((Seeker))))))))))))))
I can relate.
If you've been hurt than it makes sense that you're a little shy about opening yourself up again. I understand that, I'm the same way. If it bothers you a lot though, then maybe you need to try again-just serious dating though and hold off with the sex for a long time until you've really gotten to know the guy and have become good friends with him. If in this time you see that he's a caring individual who respects you and wants to treat you well then maybe something inside of you will awaken.
You're fine, Seeker. Your sex kitten is probably hibernating right now. She'll come back out when you're ready.

[seeker1950]

Thanks, dear Pickle, for your kind words of encouragement, but it seems "safer" to develop self-sufficiency sans sexual gratification.
As I look back on my history, I think I equated sex with love, unfortunately, though these relationships were rather long-term. I'm talking years, in which I devoted myself, not one-night-stands by any stretch of the imagination.
I had a stalker who broke into my house and tried to shoot me with a gun, a sick man on dialysis who used me as a nursemaid while contacting old girlfriends till he could get a kidney transplant, a con artist who arranged marriage only to reveal at the sale of my house that he was being investigated by the IRS and also wages being garnisheed by the State of Indiana for back child support (disappearing when I refused to sell my house to buy something in both our names), and a Psych Ph.D. who seduced me sexually.
It's all been too much. I feel stupid regarding my judgment, discernment, and now just recluse myself in safety, also punishing myself by not feeling sexual at all. Perhaps this is as it should be for me now!
Sorry for the long recounting of history here/
Patty

Patty, doesn't it go back to trust? You've been hurt badly and so trusting anyone, at this stage, is pretty doubtful. I have a male friend who tells me that my cynicism, towards men, is awful. I think a healthy dose of it actually helps me. I got my heart torn out and stomped and I don't think that I'll go there again.

About the sex toys, do whatever makes you comfortable. In this day and age, almost everyone has one or two. It could also be that loving yourself will help you return to a sense of sexuality. I don't know. I'm confused myself, why am I giving advice?

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Dear Pat...
Will have to think about what you've said!
Seems more comfortable to remain where I am right now, and maybe permanently.
Patty

[seeker1950]

I just want to add here that this is all very embarrassing...
reflecting my original statement that I may delete the post!
Thanks to you both, Pat and Pickle, for your words of wisdom!
Patty

[ocdchick]

I can relate-when I was dating my ex, one day my hormones were MAJORLY RAGING-it scared me! That hasn't happened since but it made me feel so out of control.

ocd chick

[youOme]

It's okay seeker...no need to be embarrassed.

If you don't want, don't miss it, have no need for it then go for it...asexuality. Ain't nothing wrong with being content without sex.