Husband - may trigger

Hi all,

My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. Our relationship has been on quite the roller coaster. Forty days after getting hitched, we were involved in a serious auto accident with an unlicensed and uninsured motorist. We are embroiled in litigation with our former insurer.

Three months ago, we were involved in another minor accident. my husband was the driver and I was the passenger again. We were rear ended by an impatient driver at a flashing red light when we were looking to merge onto a major thoroughfare. Subsequently, we have a second claim opened.

Last Sunday, my husband and I were running some errands. It was early evening and the weather conditions were clear. My husband took a corner too quickly and we skidded on some ice at an intersection while turning. Fortunately, my husband was able to regain control of our car before we collided with another vehicle.

Then, we went to grab some fast food. At the drive thru window, my husband hit the gas instead of the break. We almost hit the side of the building because he skidded on ice.

Six months ago, my husband had enrolled in a defensive driving course through his workplace. He successfully completed the course. In addition, I replaced all four tires with brand new ones last month to pass inspection.

When we returned home, I questioned him about these incidents. Immediately, he became very defensive. He threatened to take the car, drive it into a tree, and end it all. I told him that I was very disturbed by his comments and suggested that his response to the situation was over-the-top.

The following day, I contacted his counselor. I arranged a meeting so that I could be present at my husband's next appointment. Yesterday, I sat in on a session and was not impressed by the counselor's response.

The counselor had my husband speak first. He denied that he had threatened to end it all. He thought that I had blown the situation out of proportion. He claimed that he was joking.

Then, I responded that he did make that statement. Furthermore, this is not the first time that he has threatened to take his life. I don't want to be held hostage by his emotions.

The therapist interrupted to ask my husband if he was still kidding. My husband asserted that I had overreacted to the situation. Then, his therapist asked me if I understood dark humor. Underneath my poker face, I was livid!

I mentioned that my husband had discontinued his antidepressant and was not taking his antiinsomnia medication on a regular basis. My husband stated that he did not want to rely upon medicine to make him feel better. His therapist stated that he was not a big fan of meds and thought that they were not very beneficial. Furthermore, he stated that he did not think my husband was suicidal!

Today, I contacted my therapist. I relayed the interaction to him with the other counselor and my husband. My therapist thought that because my husband had not actually committed suicide in the past that he was not at risk. I don't think that I should be encouraging my husband to act upon his suicidal tendencies.

I feel very alone. My friends have suggested that I call the police if he escalates again. I tried to call the local suicide hotline several times only to receive a busy signal.

I don't think I over reacted. Has anyone else here ever encountered this situation? It would be reassuring to know that I am not the only one. Thanks.

I had a very suicidal/alcholic husband. it was very difficult. he always tried during any kind of crisis in our family where I could not be with him. like when my granddaughter was born and in nicu. then when she passed away. he ended up dying from the alchol abuse. that is what he wanted. if someone is serious about it I don't think there is anything another person can do to stop it.

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ecrivain23 said:
Underneath my poker face, I was livid!

Why put on a poker face? If you are angry about this, then the counselor's office is the place to show it.

While the result is not what you wanted, it can still put the alarm bells on in the counselor's head as well as your own. Perhaps there is reasonable concern on both sides.

I hope you can find an answer that can put you at ease. The stress must be an awful burden on your shoulders.

Hi Ingridave2,

Thanks for your input. I had already left two voice mail messages for the counselor in which I had expressed how concerned and distressed I was about this incident. I didn't think that throwing a temper tantrum during the meeting would have been an effective way to illustrate my point. Instead, I informed the counselor that my husband had discontinued his medications thinking that there might be a connection to his erratic behavior. The counselor did not agree with my assessment. However, he is aware of the situation which is something at this point. In the future, I will not hesitate to contact the suicide hotline and police. Thanks again.