Husband - may trigger

Hi all,

My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. Our relationship has been on quite the roller coaster. Forty days after getting hitched, we were involved in a serious auto accident with an unlicensed and uninsured motorist. We are embroiled in litigation with our former insurer.

Three months ago, we were involved in another minor accident. my husband was the driver and I was the passenger again. We were rear ended by an impatient driver at a flashing red light when we were looking to merge onto a major thoroughfare. Subsequently, we have a second claim opened.

Last Sunday, my husband and I were running some errands. It was early evening and the weather conditions were clear. My husband took a corner too quickly and we skidded on some ice at an intersection while turning. Fortunately, my husband was able to regain control of our car before we collided with another vehicle.

Then, we went to grab some fast food. At the drive thru window, my husband hit the gas instead of the break. We almost hit the side of the building because he skidded on ice.

Six months ago, my husband had enrolled in a defensive driving course through his workplace. He successfully completed the course. In addition, I replaced all four tires with brand new ones last month to pass inspection.

When we returned home, I questioned him about these incidents. Immediately, he became very defensive. He threatened to take the car, drive it into a tree, and end it all. I told him that I was very disturbed by his comments and suggested that his response to the situation was over-the-top.

The following day, I contacted his counselor. I arranged a meeting so that I could be present at my husband's next appointment. Yesterday, I sat in on a session and was not impressed by the counselor's response.

The counselor had my husband speak first. He denied that he had threatened to end it all. He thought that I had blown the situation out of proportion. He claimed that he was joking.

Then, I responded that he did make that statement. Furthermore, this is not the first time that he has threatened to take his life. I don't want to be held hostage by his emotions.

The therapist interrupted to ask my husband if he was still kidding. My husband asserted that I had overreacted to the situation. Then, his therapist asked me if I understood dark humor. Underneath my poker face, I was livid!

I mentioned that my husband had discontinued his antidepressant and was not taking his antiinsomnia medication on a regular basis. My husband stated that he did not want to rely upon medicine to make him feel better. His therapist stated that he was not a big fan of meds and thought that they were not very beneficial. Furthermore, he stated that he did not think my husband was suicidal!

Today, I contacted my therapist. I relayed the interaction to him with the other counselor and my husband. My therapist thought that because my husband had not actually committed suicide in the past that he was not at risk. I don't think that I should be encouraging my husband to act upon his suicidal tendencies.

I feel very alone. My friends have suggested that I call the police if he escalates again. I tried to call the local suicide hotline several times only to receive a busy signal.

I don't think I over reacted. Has anyone else here ever encountered this situation? It would be reassuring to know that I am not the only one. Thanks.

Hi, ecrivain, welcome to PsychCentral. What a scary corner you are in. I was thinking you were going to complian about your husband's driving rather than his threatening suicide. I would not like to be in the car with him if he is having so much trouble.

I don't know that there is anything you can do about his comments, they sound like they are spur of the moment rather than planned comments. A lot of people think about suicide, have suicide ideation without actually attempting suicide. If your husband has never attempted suicide and is taking himself off medicine cold turkey, it may be the changes he is going through at the moment. As long as he is going to his therapist and his therapist is now alerted to your concern I think he might have enough people around him so someone will notice if his actual behavior changes?

I feel for you, this is a tough situation.

I personally think the therapists should take what your husband is saying seriously. Even if they are guessing that he is just applying "dark humor" or something, I would think they would want him to know that his form of communication isn't working.

No matter what, it isn't working for you. I myself would feel stressed and anxious after awhile if my partner kept talking like that.

It sounds like your husband is being passive-aggressive. Threatening you like that is emotional blackmail, not dark humor. I'd advise you to get a marriage counselor so someone will be on the side of the marriage.

That is a tough situation very much so. I only wish you the best. It doesn't sound like the counselor he is seeing is much of a help at all.