always go for the jerks.

dont you get that? like theres the NICEST guy on earth, with the best personality, looks, intelligence... and he likes you, but you dont like him, you like a complete douche that doesnt like you, and you dont know why or even want to.
so you get the chance for happiness, but something about you is just attracted to some prat who'll treat you like dirt and drive you to depression and poor self image...
makes me wonder if people in relationships are ever genuinely happy...
just my rant for today. =]
x

People in healthy relationships can be very happy.
Is the "prat" your sex buddy?

yup.
didnt even like him at first but now its like wooahh all over again...
but if half of all marriages end in divorce, and many people are still in them...
doesnt that make it like a 1/4 chance of getting it right ever?

A lot of people don't put a lot of thought and effort into finding and cultivating healthy relationships. When you don't strive for something good, then you stand a good chance of getting crap.

When I was still REALLY mentally ill I didn't have a lot of self-esteem, self-respect or self-confidence. That made it really hard for me to have a good relationship with myself - let alone another human being. I ended up with a lot of unhealthy people and none of those relationships worked out very well.

As I've gone along in my recovery, therapy and all that, I've learned about myself a lot more. What do I want, what don't I want, what are my strengths, what are my weaknesses, what do I want to do with my life? As I get to know myself better, I begin to attract (and be attracted to) more balanced, healthy people. My tolerance for jerks disappears, and I am better able to determine the quality of my relationships.

When I just wanted "anyone", I ended up with people who weren't very good for me. As I've learned to look for "someone", I've had much better results.

My T put it this way for me... Im "moving up" the ladder of guys. My first boyfriends were jerks who lied, cheated and abused me. Then I dated a guy who didn't do those but was still wrong for me. Then I was in a long relationship with a guy who basically kissed the ground I walked on but we werent right for each other either. So the way he puts it is... I need to date semi-good guys for me to see that not all men are jerk pigs and eventually I will find a good man who is actually right for me.

And I think the going for the bad boy thing has a lot to do with wanting security. Even though Im a self-proclaimed feminist and do everything on my own, its still nice to have that feeling of security. Like if Im ever in a bind I know my man is strong enough in multiple ways to help me out. And I think that when we see the "bad boys" we feel like they can protect us physically. And, as women, we associate a lot of physical feelings with menta and emotional feelings. So its no suprise that those types of men attract us. We might say we want a sensitive man but it does get kind of annoying after a while when you feel like your guy i more sensitive than you. Not to mention, most of us have been raised to view those bad boys as the type you want.

Bottom line, we shouldnt have to settle. I want a (what I call) tweener. A guy who can drink and have a good time but not be an alcoholic. Stand up for me but not try to pick fights with every guy who looks at me. Make me laugh but also listen to me when I need to talk or cry. Protect me but also let me do things on my own. Sounds like a lot to ask doesnt it? lol

I believe we attract certain people (or certain types of people) into our lives to help us heal from what their soul has to offer our unhealed wounds from the past... work on you and get a better selection of men/people.

i always end up with the wrong guy too. the guy who trashes me. n now i dnt trust anyone. i feel scared of where im going to end up

Exactly. sometimes you can even SEE that they're a bad choice.. but you just end up with the one who'll really screw you over.

I'm attracted to the bad boys myself. I always seem to attract the abusive types. UGGGH! I still have not figured that one out. I often wonder if I am going to end up old lady and alone.

I'm attracted to a mix of bad boys and nice guys. A nice guy who can kick some *** basically.

As far as staying in an unhealthy relationship goes, this is a good thread from the abuse forum about just that.

a friggen men to that!

makes no sense but a lot of women do it...there is a suave and cunnung way the jerks have that the nice guys don't....it's something.....not even I understand.