[Zen888]

Hello Everyone

I am very insecure about working in groups of women. In one of my college courses, I have to work with a group of about 5 other women to do a group project. And already I have paranoid thoughts that one ladies doesnt like me (I dont know why...she only knows me because I am in most of her classes and I don't talk much during classes).

I feel pressured to be liked by my group members. To do my best work as a team member.

Can anyone relate to what I am going through? Any suggestions on how to cope with the feelings/thoughts that this one lady doesnt like me? I tense up at the thought of working in groups of women and detest coming to this class because of it.

Zen888

[bebop]

I hate working closely with other women myself. I was a trainer for a trucking company and I refused to put women on my truck. it ended up being a competition and I refuse to compete. that being said if I were in school and had to do a project with them I would go ahead and do it. I would do my best to put my feelings aside and try to move on. I too want everyone to like me and have never felt real comfortable around other women too much.

[Zen888]

Hi Everyone

I really need your help with this issue. I "seriously" think that this one lady doesn't like me in the group. It may be my paranoid thoughts kicking in...

How do I calm down and not tense up at the thought of working in a group full of women?

Zen888

[kimmydawn]

Zen, let's follow the fears out, honey.

Go with me a minute, OK?

What IF she doesn't like you, as little as she knows about you?

KD

[Zen888]

Hi GKD

Then she is judging me on very little information and isnt taking the time to get to know me.

Zen888

[miopia]

Zen, you poor kid. You must be very young and sweet. I am guessing that in your life you will probably meet lots of women who hate your guts on sight. It sucks. It really does. How can they be so shallow?
Just do your best work. Keep records of the work you do just in case this lady tries to tell the professor that you didn't do any work. Jealous women, which she may be, can wreak havoc in your life.
Good luck.

[ThePainNeverDies]

Hey there honey,

I feel like this all the time! I'm constantly feeling inadequate and there are some girls and guys in my group who tend to pick at me quite a bit sometimes, but back to the question that Kimmydawn asked.

You answered "Then she is judging me on very little information and isnt taking the time to get to know me."

So, if she knows very little about you and has almost nothing to go on, then is she really worth worrying about, do you really want to be friendly with someone who judges you on the slightest, tiniest little thing?

I always get asked this by my mental health worker at college and I always end up kicking myself because I think "yeah, what is the point in worrying?"

So, maybe try nto to worry about it so much, just think about how low she is going as to judge you on almost nothing.

I hope this helps

TPND

[Bluevelvet]

Originally Posted by bebop

I hate working closely with other women myself. I was a trainer for a trucking company and I refused to put women on my truck. it ended up being a competition and I refuse to compete. that being said if I were in school and had to do a project with them I would go ahead and do it. I would do my best to put my feelings aside and try to move on. I too want everyone to like me and have never felt real comfortable around other women too much.

I was just going to post on this subject. I do not understand the other women I work with. At the work place, I try to be empathetic, respectful and do my work thoroughly. However, there are always issues; small cliques, competing and one upmanship. I feel like I am in kindergarten. I join in the after work get togethers and am interested in the other women's experiences and share my own. I am losing patience and withdrawing. It's like a damned if you do and damned if you don't. I feel like resigning but I know I will come up against this in any other job. If I try to hang with the guys, gossip starts...help

What to do?

[sunrise]

Zen, it doesn't matter if this one woman doesn't like you. You only have to be able to work with each other, not be friends. Put your best foot forward, be professional, meet her with a positive attitude, and get your work done. It does not matter if she doesn't like you. You know the truth about yourself, that you are a worthwhile person with many good qualities. If you are positive and hardworking, the other group members will see this, and they will fall in line with you to handle this woman you are scared of, if indeed she is being pissy and negative and preventing the group from doing good work. You take the high road. She may follow suit.

I feel pressured to be liked by my group members

I think you are creating this pressure for yourself. If you stop doing it, the pressure will be gone.