would they even care?

sorry guys. its me AGAIN. with yet another problem. and this.. scares me.
ive always been hung up about my weight. all but one of my friends are stick thin. and im this fat 5'6" lump of crud. ive tried eating healthily. and dieting. and nothings helped. for no (apparent) reason i put on a few pounds recently.
then on wednesday a guy made a comment about my weight.
on my way home i couldnt stop thinking about it. this is sounding so cliched and retarded but i stopped just before my road.
i could either decide to go to the chip shop five minutes away or just go home and not eat. and i stood there in the freezing cold for a while.
i decided to go home... and when i was there i shut myself in my room. and just gawped at myself in the mirror. fat thighs. fat feet. belly so big i could be nine months pregnant. but what really got me was that stupid grotesque double chin. i just started to cry. and for ages i just stood, like i had outside, thinking. and looking at how... fat i am.
so when my mum called me to diner that night i just said id had a big lunch. i deliberately avoided my parents the next morning and said i didnt have time for breakfast. i stayed at a friends till late that night to avoid eating dinner. or anything.
then came today. and i was so hungry my eyes were watering. ive had three packets of sugarfree gum, six diet cokes and three cups of green tea since that comment. (plus water.)
mum made me dinner and i said i had homework and took it down to my room
i didnt want to eat it but i was just so hungry... so i just ate really quickly. and almost instantly i started to feel sick. my stomach felt too full.
so i ran to the bathroom and after a while of trying, purged. it was disgusting. and something i dont want to do ever again. i dont think i even got much out.. but my throats burning.. my eyes are stinging...
after a lot of gagging and sobbing, i just sat there crying.
eventually i wiped my mouth and splashed my face.
mum was on the sofa watching tv with my little sister, some hospital program. i was trying not to break into f*cking tears again at this point
i said "mum.. mum i need to talk" and she just said "shh im watching casualty."
and turned her back on me. so im guessing theres no point in telling her. and i dont know what to do. i cant get her on her own, shes ALWAYS busy. i cant tell my friends. theyre just gonna force me to eat again.. then ill feel like i did today, just needing to get it outa my system. i feel fat. and disgusting. i just want to be thin like everyone else. im trying, ive tried so hard.
arrgh i guess theres no point in posting this cause (and no offence intended) im just gonna get told to tell her and tell a teacher and get help, when its nothing that major). i just want to know.. what i can REALLY do...

i just needed to get this out... this forums helped me when im feeling like this before.
sorry for being a pain in the ***.
x

hon I don't know you personally but I do know me. I know I am way overweight. the scales prove that one. the size of my clothes tell me that and oh goodness my mirror sure does too. if people are trying to force you to eat it sounds like you are not overweight? I am 5ft tall and over 200. I don't have words of wisdom but want to let you know that I care.

thanks bebop =] its nice to know somebody's listening out there.
my mirror seems to show it too. every little bit of me seems to just be disgusting in some way or another. the scales say nine stone six, and my best friend is only seven and a half stone =/
i just look down and think "you selfish fat idiot. you don't need to eat so why're you stuffing your face?"
arrgh i wish i could just magically lose a stone.. or three.
x

*Mentions of anorexia and bulimia so possible triggers*

First of all, I am sorry some jerk said something mean to you. Many people do this because they find it amusing to pick on people, whether they need attention, just like to feel dominate, feel jealous of something you have, are insecure themselves, etc., but it is almost never about the person they are making fun of. It's not about you. It's about him.

I looked up stones and apparently 9 is 126 pounds plus the 6 pounds left over leaves you at a mere 132 pounds at height 5 foot 6 inches. You are not fat. Seriously. You're not. Are you sure you are seeing yourself in a realistic manner?

I am terribly sorry that your mother ignored you when you needed help. I bet she doesn't realize how important it is that you need to talk. Could you talk to her when she's cooking dinner or something? That way she'll be tied to the kitchen (you can get her in one spot for long enough to tell her the problem), BUT she probably won't be as preoccupied as if she was watching t.v., so she might be able to listen better. Maybe start out by saying, mom, this is really important. I need to talk to you. If she realizes it's serious, maybe she';ll slow down and listen to you. If not, could you give her a letter? Can you talk to the school counselor?

Starving yourself may make you lose weight at first, but in the long run it will harm your metabolism and make it more difficult to lose weight and keep it off. It will also destroy your psychological and physical health. Not having enough nutrients affects the mind and the body, can cause problems with your skin, hair, etc. And I don't know about you, but when I lose weight too quickly, I get stretch marks, like I do when I gain weight. Plus, if you lose weight quickly, sometimes it causes you to yo-yo. I had this problem. It's bad on my skin, so I find my skin will look better if I take things more slowly. I will also be more likely to have lasting healthy results if I slowly take off pounds. Plus, you want to have the energy to enjoy your new figure. Once, I tried not eating much to lose weight and maintain the weight loss. I had little energy, my hair came out, etc. It's not a place you want to be. My cousin had anorexia and he caused permanant physical damage to his body. There are better ways to lose weight than starving yourself or purging. Purging can also cause damage to your teeth. If you have probs with your hair, skin, and teeth, and look tired all the time, you will just beat yourself up over those things instead.

You certainly are not a fat pile of crud, as you seem to think, though. Frst off, you're a human being, not a pile of crud, and secondly,. your weight and height do not sound like tnat of an extremely overweight person, anyway. Please do seek support and help and don't let stupid people get to you. People know weight is a sensitive issue for many women, so they may use insulting comments about our size to bring us down, even if they do not believe what they are saying. And MAYBE you could ask a doctor about a healthy weight range for you, and a healthy diet and exercise plan. Good luck and you can always come here for support.

I do understand not liking yourself. I don't care much about how I look sometimes either. I just don't want to see you hurt yourself over some rude jerk, a view of yourself that's not realistic, and unhealthy weight management.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=84529

Somewhere here I posted lyrics to the Barlow Girls Mirror Mirror but I can't find it. Please look those lyrics up. Sweetheart, I know what it's like to want to be "thin", but will being thin change who you are? Won't you still like the same things you like now, enjoy doing the same things you do now? Our weight doesn't change our insides--our heart, our spirit, our soul. You have friends who accept you how you are. People are careless and frankly stupid. The guy that made the comment probably wouldn't even remember saying it to you if you were to ask him, but you have let it define you. Beauty doesn't have to be "stick thin", honey. I'm so sorry your mom was too busy...you're right, though, about hearing talk to someone....it will help. Those words, on that link above, were spoken by my 16 year old daughter. Take them to heart as one teenager speaking to another. No matter your weight, you are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are you. Please look up the lyrics to Mirror Mirror from Barlow Girls...it's a wonderful song that I hope you think of next time you look in the mirror.