[H3rmit]

I have just finished the first week of my student job, arranged through my university. I'm a mature student and had a couple of "career jobs" in the past. Held responsible jobs for years. But this week something happened that never happened before.

I find life difficult anyway, but the sudden switch to fulltime job rather than school, and having to commute into the city was very emotionally draining on me, even though it was my choice and no one forced me to take the job. I was overwhelmed from the noise, stinks, sensory overload of the commute and any "break" time spent looking for peace which is unavailable in the city. End result was emotional breakdown, boss and some others heard/saw me crying, and the school created an easy exit strategy for me, thinking I wanted to quit. I felt like quitting, but I don't want to quit and fail. I want to succeed, work, make the money, and learn. It's not an ideal job, but it's related to my field and will teach me useful stuff I wouldn't get elsewhere.

I also feel very sad because of my misdiagnosed and mis-treated foot condition that has kept me increasingly sidelined over the past 3 years when I should have been getting into the field work that is essential to my field of study. Feeling old and physically vulnerable and even useless and worthless contributed to my emotional overwhelm, too.

So anyway, I talked to the necessary people (school and work supervisors) and spilled my guts perhaps more than I should have (not to coworkers) - but, hey, they asked - and then I smoothed things over with the people who are either concerned or checking up on me, having seen my tears. I don't expect it will happen again, but then I didn't expect it to happen this time, even though my husband predicted it. He knew I would be unhappy here, as did I, but he also predicted this kind of breakdown eventually, without telling me that, thankfully. He's a great support, but I could sure use some acknowledgment and understanding from anyone here willing to respond. What do you think? Been through this? Supervised someone who was a crybaby in the first week?

[kaliope]

so you were overwhelmed by a new job in a new environment and you let it get to you, but you took the appropriate measures to make it right and you are sticking with it. I admire you for that. I am an older student that just went back to grad school. I have agoraphobia and the anxiety is killing me too, so you are not alone. I just keep hoping that I will adjust to the schedule each week as I go along and the anxiety will reduce. so hang in there. im rooting for you.

[Gwynyd]

As a mature age student going out into the workforce I had a similar problem. Particularly with making the shift from university life to a commercial one.

What impressed me was the way you handled a potentially devastating problem in a calm, clear headed and honest fashion. Shows some progress...yeah. Don't worry about the tears, people will just think you are in touch with your emotions. Well handled H3rmit!

[H3rmit]

Thanks, Gwynyd. It was a bit more than tears, as my supervisor knew I asked my school supervisor "What happens if I quit." I wanted to run away that day. I didn't yell or do anything to anyone, just, as you say, expressed "incorrect" feelings. The person who hired me is probably not thrilled to have me right now. I have to do what I can to make things right. I'll talk to my school supervisor about how to handle that. To be fair to myself, if the boss had been more organized with my first two days, I might not have fallen to bits on the 3rd day. However, it's my responsibility, and I have to work with what she gave me. It was just really hard.

[H3rmit]

Wow, this job is not working out for me. No proper supervision. I'm frustrated. Being in the city is killing me with the pollution from smokers (including pot smokers - I hate Vancouver). The commute is brutal. I feel like I'm in a rolling prison. Very hard on the body as well. The incidental violence of urban existence.

[winter4me]

Can you describe the work?

[H3rmit]

The work is spatial and nonspatial data analysis, which I did not learn at school and am now left to teach myself. The rest of the job is trivial to me. The air quality issues are very nontrivial and very threatening to me.

[winter4me]

So, you have good reason to be stressed about this work.
Air quality is not trivial.
As long as it is known that you are teaching yourself as you go, and you have resources to get the information you need, you might want to hang in there...if you can. Make whatever decision is best for you, but don't underestimate your abilities.

[H3rmit]

Punk version (my preference):

Country version:

[healingme4me]

Most jobs I've held, have had a 30-90 day 'probationary period', where you and the employer get the chance to see if it's a good fit.

Most jobs can have days of frustration, yet, it sounds like this is a daily struggle...

Are there other opportunities, out there, that you can or want to explore?

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Most jobs I've held, have had a 30-90 day 'probationary period', where you and the employer get the chance to see if it's a good fit.

Most jobs can have days of frustration, yet, it sounds like this is a daily struggle...

Are there other opportunities, out there, that you can or want to explore?

This wasn't that kind of job. It was a student job arranged through my school.
Yes, it was a daily struggle, and worse a daily fail, because I don't believe the supervisor wanted me to succeed. In hindsight, I see that several reactions she had to me explain the cold and hostile unresponsiveness that quickly developed, and not giving me basic information I needed to orient myself to their systems. I've had many jobs. I'm not an inexperienced kid who is going to accept her behaviour and blame myself.

So, yeah, I'm left with the problem what do I want to do in this world, because the human endeavour I see around me is utterly pointless at best.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

So, yeah, I'm left with the problem what do I want to do in this world, because the human endeavour I see around me is utterly pointless at best.

You could work as a consultant after you complete your degree. Have you thought of doing this?

[winter4me]

Are you still doing the job?

[H3rmit]

I quit the job, winter4me. Sent in my quit notice to the school this weekend.

Didgee, being a consultant requires experience, and people skills. Using people skills too much is what I'm trying to avoid. If I had experience, I'd give it a whirl, but at this stage in life, not sure how I'll get that experience. I felt good at the Environment Canada interview, because they are my kind of people at heart. I just don't think I'm cut out for a government job. I have a low-tolerace for BS and bureaucracy, and I'm not oriented towards serving the public. They are just people after all. My public is the land, air, water, and living things, for their own sakes.

Thanks for your responses! Helps me feel not so alone in all this.

One more musical comment that popped into my head:

[winter4me]

So you are more interested in pure science vs applied. You want a job/career that allows you to study some part of the natural world for itself alone. Sounds like it would make more sense to be on an expedition of some sort/foraging education/experience, or you may have what you need and be moving into in lab or in life research?
Others can do the work of getting the people to "see" this world in a way that promotes its health. You can help provide them with the information they need to do this.
...keep looking, you will find a niche...