[SeekerOfLife]

I am on my third job this year. The first one I held for over two years. The second for six weeks. The third I have been at for a little over a week. Tomorrow I am being called into the office. Bosses almost never call you in to commend you. I put forth great effort to do what is expected of me, and then some. Over time, I have developed a great fear of my bosses. Tomorrow at 9:00am I guess I am going to be chewed out or maybe fired. Right now I feel like crying, throwing up, and hiding. I wish I knew how to deal with this like a mature adult. I am just dreading tomorrow morning.

[gayleggg]

I understand your feelings. I worked for years with a boss I loved, but now the one I work for is now is intimidating. I would definitly feel like you if he summed me to his office. I, so, feel your anxiety just thinking about it. Why don't you try some breathing excercises to help calm the anxiety. Or put on some relaxing music. Try to engage yourself in something you like to do. Hope some I said helps, but I know if you are like me you'll worry anyway. take care of yourself.

[Citrine]

Im not scared of my bosses at all. Ive worked for many years and people in charge of others are very often not worth the respect they command. Many managers get where they are for all the wrong reasons. No one should feel frightened of their boss. Even if you do something wrong (within normal working practice) you should not be intimidated. You will receive criticism, based on your work and should be given the advice need to stop the incident happening again. Your company pays you to carry out what is in your work description and contract. Thats all you need to worry about. You need to start worrying if they make life difficult and become personal.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by Citrine

Im not scared of my bosses at all. Ive worked for many years and people in charge of others are very often not worth the respect they command. Many managers get where they are for all the wrong reasons. No one should feel frightened of their boss. Even if you do something wrong (within normal working practice) you should not be intimidated. You will receive criticism, based on your work and should be given the advice need to stop the incident happening again. Your company pays you to carry out what is in your work description and contract. Thats all you need to worry about. You need to start worrying if they make life difficult and become personal.

Yes, I agree on this comment.

From things I heard about my boss and things I've heard him say I am not scared of him. I feel like he fears me more than I do of him. I feel it has to do with the fact I'm a woman and I heard that he didn't have the best divorce. I do not put that towards him in a bad way though because everybody had their own insecurities. I just need to find better ways to communicate back to him. I need to speak up the next time I hear him say something bad about someone or me because I it isn't right and I have the rights for my own and others respect. I only want to give respect to others.

Example of something he had said was when I was trying to get something clear to me. My brain can be slower at processing what others say so I may ask more than a typical person due to a hearing disorder I have. He said after a co-worker had laughed that yes some take doggy steps at a time. I couldn't think of what to say back at the time so I just looked at him and walked away. I could of said though "Yes, it is common for bosses in your position to think employees are stupid, though I wasn't expecting it coming from you." <-- He would of rethought of what he had said. I learned that saying from my assertive course after he had said that a few month ago. Another saying I think that would help is "Hey (their name), thanks for reminding me how hurtful insults can be." Then just walk away and laugh it off. And I mean actually laugh it off.

There is no point of fearing your boss. You have every right to be your own judge and agree on what is correct in the bosses critsicim and disagreeing on what is incorrect upon yourself towards them and their thoughts on you. If it's true agree on it, if it's partical true agree on what is true in the their thoughts and if there is no truth disagree on it and ask what makes them say that or tell them you do not understand.

[SeekerOfLife]

Well, i went into work at the appointed time. I was thoroughly reprimanded. I was falsely accused, and told things I was"supposed" to know, but was never told.

If I am going to hate my job, I may just as well work for the chicken processing plant. At least I would be paid better.

Thanks to all of you, HockingPastryChef and Citrine and gayleggg. Any sugestions on how to not fear my boss. I am starting to backswing--like life is not worth living anymore. I can see my thinking is not where it should be.

[Citrine]

Youve got off to a bad start in this company, not your fault. People in charge of others should always handle staff carefully, they automatically have the superior stance due to their position so when they are too harsh for the situation its a sign there may be problem. No one in authority needs to flout it.

As you have only just started its not wise to confront them about not being told and wanting to see proof you were. From here on to keep this from happening again ask for them to ensure that instructions/requests are explained and are signed for/over so that you can be sure you remember what you have been requested to do. Tell them its because you want to make sure you dont mess up again, that you were very concerned about this incident...its not that at all, its so they cant lie again. Do this via email to your superior.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

Well, i went into work at the appointed time. I was thoroughly reprimanded. I was falsely accused, and told things I was"supposed" to know, but was never told.
.

Nothing worse, than being reprimanded. Sorry you had a rough start to your work day

Hope you are able to take this event, work through it, and become better for it. Sometimes, bosses need to exert their authority, to be able to inform what they expect.

Hope tomorrow, is a better day

[doyoutrustme]

People are much more likely to be fired for no reason during the first 3 months. Its more likely them than you.

I know someone who worked somewhere where a new guy was fired for making too many spelling errors in his emails.

not to say you are going to be fired. At least they felt it was worth talking out.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

People are much more likely to be fired for no reason during the first 3 months. Its more likely them than you.

I know someone who worked somewhere where a new guy was fired for making too many spelling errors in his emails.

not to say you are going to be fired. At least they felt it was worth talking out.

I hope that the guy that got fired doesn't bother putting the company on his resume; it's not worth it.

[breakmystride]

I've been in the same situation. I'm scared to death of my boss, and I've gotten in trouble several times over the smallest things. I'm looking for a new job right now because I'm just under so much stress where I am now.

Usually whenever someone at my workplace gets in trouble (and it happens a lot, I'm not the only one), our boss won't bring it up unless the same thing happens again, so the best course of action is to apologize and not let on that you're upset. Hopefully your boss will be easier on you once you've been there longer and become 'part of the team'. But in the meantime, it won't hurt to start submitting job applications elsewhere.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by breakmystride

I've been in the same situation. I'm scared to death of my boss, and I've gotten in trouble several times over the smallest things. I'm looking for a new job right now because I'm just under so much stress where I am now.

Usually whenever someone at my workplace gets in trouble (and it happens a lot, I'm not the only one), our boss won't bring it up unless the same thing happens again, so the best course of action is to apologize and not let on that you're upset. Hopefully your boss will be easier on you once you've been there longer and become 'part of the team'. But in the meantime, it won't hurt to start submitting job applications elsewhere.

You don't have to apologize for a mistake. Mistakes happen to everyone and people need to accept that mistakes happen. If someone is harsh over a mistake you made at work tell them that you understand that you made a mistake though that you think they are being a little too harsh on you. It isn't right and you have the right to voice your thoughts. If you get fired from that little thing then its the bosses fault for not being happy. You can then go seek your bosses supervisor or HR and tell them the truth on what happened.

[SeekerOfLife]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. This current job I took only until I could find something better. We all know the economy is bad. It spite of what the news says, I do not believe it has gotten any better. Perhaps the problems will bottom out soon.
Anyway, in addition to being a little less fearful of my employer today, I also feel a somewhat disgusted. Saturday, I went to a clients home, and today was told I went there too early. I was blamed for going at the wrong time (15 min. too early) when they wrote down on paper the time I was to go. So, I guess they are trying to blame me for this error. In my mind, I will not accept it! It is not my fault. I will not feel bad about it. (They called me up today to tell me of my mistake while I was with a client. Why could they not wait until I left? (They knew exactly what time I was to leave)). These are rhetorical questions, of course.
I have asked myself, why have these last two jobs been so difficult? I recognize that part of it is due to my personal psychological struggles. I have made up a list of questions before going to an interview, and it seems that I still did not ask the right questions.
I guess right now I need some encouragement.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. This current job I took only until I could find something better. We all know the economy is bad. It spite of what the news says, I do not believe it has gotten any better. Perhaps the problems will bottom out soon.
Anyway, in addition to being a little less fearful of my employer today, I also feel a somewhat disgusted. Saturday, I went to a clients home, and today was told I went there too early. I was blamed for going at the wrong time (15 min. too early) when they wrote down on paper the time I was to go. So, I guess they are trying to blame me for this error. In my mind, I will not accept it! It is not my fault. I will not feel bad about it. (They called me up today to tell me of my mistake while I was with a client. Why could they not wait until I left? (They knew exactly what time I was to leave)). These are rhetorical questions, of course.
I have asked myself, why have these last two jobs been so difficult? I recognize that part of it is due to my personal psychological struggles. I have made up a list of questions before going to an interview, and it seems that I still did not ask the right questions.
I guess right now I need some encouragement.

What I recommend to anyone is the book: When I say no I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith

This book helps a lot with encouragement and helps you be just you!

Here's a quote from the book and it's actually the chapters:

A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.

II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.

III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.

IV: You have the right to change your mind.

V: You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.

VI: You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”

VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.

VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.

IX: You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”

X: You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY”

[ToeJam]

I was afraid of my boss (a middle manager) for ages... Was the kind that would lash out and even swear at you/threaten you (while no one else was around to witness it of course). One day at my wits end I called his bluff though I was serious at the same time (had threatened that unless I did such and such I'd be out the door) and said that in light of his warning I'd start looking for another job. Well, he calmed down super fast from his rant and backed off... Even got me a Christmas present a few weeks later. Never apologised for the months of hell... But at least he didn't do it again. Worked out well in my case but it sure was draining up to that point.

[SeekerOfLife]

This afternoon I received a phone call from a previous employer. She offered me a job doing what I used to do(kitchen help). I am grateful of course. Now, I need to disentangle myself from this fill-in job I have. Of course, I will continue to practice self-care, and work on my emotional issues. Thanks y'all !

[Citrine]

Wow..how great is that? something helped you out there. Good luck!

[Charl S]

Originally Posted by breakmystride

I've been in the same situation. I'm scared to death of my boss, and I've gotten in trouble several times over the smallest things. I'm looking for a new job right now because I'm just under so much stress where I am now.

Usually whenever someone at my workplace gets in trouble (and it happens a lot, I'm not the only one), our boss won't bring it up unless the same thing happens again, so the best course of action is to apologize and not let on that you're upset. Hopefully your boss will be easier on you once you've been there longer and become 'part of the team'. But in the meantime, it won't hurt to start submitting job applications elsewhere.

I know what you are going through. I'm also in a situation where I feel bullied by my boss. I am also looking for another job. I hope you find something better soon!