[anna_goth27]

So firstly, I think it would be great if you guys read a couple of threads I posted before to get some background on this particular situation. Here are the links:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/work...-dilemnas.html

https://forums.psychcentral.com/work...g-dynamic.html

So now comes the actual advice part. The short version of the story is that, the owners of the company I work for have decided to part ways and dissolve the company. With that, it means that the main property we manage is going to go to one of the owners' personal company to take care of.

This afternoon my supervisor asked me to stay behind after work in order to talk to me about it. She started off reassuring me that I had nothing to worry about but that our conversation was to be strictly confidential. Not a good sign.

She went on to tell me that I would be approached by my main boss with an offer and by the other boss (the one taking over the property) with another offer to either stay where I am or go work for him. I was glad that that meant I was not only keeping my job, but that I may be getting a competitive salary which is always awesome. But something was still making me uneasy, so I asked her what was going to happen with my co-worker (the one I talk about in the links above). I asked, would this mean she is going to go work for the other boss, and she said no. So naively I asked, OK so that means she is staying here....and the answer was no. The owners have decided to lay her off, and when she told me that she might as well had told me I was the one getting laid off, I felt so gutted and distraught. I tried to make a case for her (of course to no avail because my supervisor has no say in the matter) because she has a daughter to care for, and a home, and a family. My supervisor agreed, and said she too felt terrible because she has school-fees, etc, but said that that was what the owners decided to do.

I said I felt horrible that they are going to lay her off and asked if there was in any way shape or form that I may have caused this to happen or if I did something to make anyone think that she cant do something because she is a hell of a great working person and she basically made me who I am, anything I couldn't do or did wrong she was there to help me. Supervisor assured me it had nothing to do with our productivity or the level of work she gives. I am not too sure I buy it that she honestly feels as bad as she says she does, but anyway.

I guess I've been rambling too much but the reason why I need advice is because I really cant get it out of my head that I may be at fault as to why they would choose to get rid of her. I think she is far more capable than I am, I am just good at pretending like I am I guess. I know my supervisor insisted that it has nothing to do with me, it was the owners who came to that decision but I don't know. And I guess knowing that my coworker will probably think exactly what I am I thinking (that I caused her to loose her job) is what has me most on edge. I am so conflicted because obviously I dont want to be without a job, but then I dont want to think about putting her family through that hardship of her not working either. I don't know how I am supposed to face her the rest of this week until our supervisor hands out letters informing us exactly what is going on, or even worse, if she chooses to stick around, the next few weeks until the division goes into full effect.

I mean, should I stay where I am or do the noble thing and give up my spot for her? I dont understand why they would offer me two spots and not any to her. My heart is telling me, the right thing to do is let her have your job. Sacrifice yourself. But the logical part of me is telling me, she has so many connections and is friendly with so many people she should be able to find a job fairly easily, you dont have that luxury. Keep your job. But if I keep my job, how am I supposed to face alot of the people I would have to deal with on a regular basis? Because I know alot of people (who are not in the know) would find it despicable and unfair that I get to keep my job and she has been working there longer than I have and has a million more responsibilities than I do, has to go find something else.

I don't know what to do I am a nervous wreck!!! As selfish as it sounds, I guess it would make me more at ease to know the reason why they picked me and not her, but I don't know. I don't know what to do, I just know I feel so horrible and stressed out beyond belief. And her best friend works for the other boss, I wonder if maybe her friend knows something and has said something to her and hasn't told me. I just almost want to wish she would make the decision for me so I could live in peace knowing I didn't inconvenience her in any way. That would make it easier to live with myself.

P.S. kudos to those who actually read this whole long thing :/

[Rapunzel]

Hi. I read this yesterday but didn't know what to say. It sounds like a difficult position to be in, especially given the history with you and your co-worker.

It seems like if they are offering you two positions, there should be one available for your co-worker, but I don't know. If they are offering you your choice of the two positions and not offering anything to her, then it sounds like they have made their choices, and probably if you refused both positions it would not change anything for her anyway. You need to choose what is best for you. She will understand that. It is the choice that you have. You are allowed to exist, even if sometimes that inconveniences somebody.

[anna_goth27]

Yeah you basically said the same thing my best friend and my dad said. That regardless of the choice I make, it still wouldnt change their mind about keeping her on. I still cant help but feel guilty about. This is really stressing me out. I am a ticking time bomb and one rough handling away from having a nervous breakdown. And facing her knowing what I know while she still doesnt is killing me. I want to say something so badly, but I know it would probably back fire on me.
I am also terrified of any type of retaliation on her part. I dont think she would stoop so low, but I am afraid that when she finds out she will want to break me down in front of them in some way. Or that she will throw it in my face that I am the reason they are laying her off. My dad insists that when companies do lay offs they look at how long an employee has been working for them first, so if I, the last one to be hired, am the one they arr picking and not her their reasons they must have.

I know she is not the easiest person to deal with all the time, but I cant think of why they would pick me over her or why if I am being given a choice, she cant have the job I dont pick. I think the not knowing why is what is stressing me out the most. If it had to do because of her atitude or the way she carries herself or even if because they cant rely on her because she has family responsabilities that I dont, then I wouldnt feel so terrible because those things I have no influence or control over. But I dont know and I probably will never know.

I really want to ask that IF I were to refuse either offer, could that mean she could get to keep her job, but I dont wqnt them to think that that means I dont want the job.

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I'm going to give you a slightly different opinion and I can be frank. It is not intended to be critical but only from my experience as I have been through many down sizes, up sizes and reorgs over the years. It is part of business today.

You employer may hear your input but they are under no obligation to take your advise. It is very unlikely you "caused" her layoff. Owners make those decision on a whole range of stuff including bottom line, client interfaces and their own experience. It may be that her assets are simply not needed in the new business. It isn't personal. There is no way you are ever going to know fully how they came to that decision.

If your coworker is as capable as you believe she will be fine. She may even end up in a better place then you I know unemployment is bad but people still have to leave jobs and people still have to fill those positions.

There is no way your employer will let you "give" her a job. It isn't really appropriate to ask because it shows a lack of confidence in their decision. Trust in a new, small business is critical. Unless you are very close to her she may even not that be upset about it.

Finally, give yourself more credit! They obviously think highly of you and respect your work. There is everything right about feeling good about it. I get that you feel guilt but it really is unfounded given all the factors involved.

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[anna_goth27]

Thank you. I knoe. I guess its just that thing about me where I just always feel like I owe people something. I dunno. It has me panicked. My mind understands what you guys are saying and evrything, its my emotional side that is being irrational about it.

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Originally Posted by anna_goth27

Thank you. I knoe. I guess its just that thing about me where I just always feel like I owe people something. I dunno. It has me panicked. My mind understands what you guys are saying and evrything, its my emotional side that is being irrational about it.

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Does she have a linkedin page? If so you can give her a great reference. References on linkedin generate more interest then just about anything else. Otherwise take her out for an drink or two and definitely offer to help in any way.

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[anna_goth27]

Yeah.... I figure that, since I know her daughter's school fee is due soon, I might give her something towards it to lessen the blow. She might be too proud to take it but I will offer regardless

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[jadzea]

It sounds like your coworker is going to be laid off regardless of whether you stay or go. Don't punish yourself over a decision you did not make and cannot influence. Take the job you want the most, wish your coworker good luck and don't look back. Unfortunately, there is no room for loyalty to a friend and concern for what other people think of you in today's job market. After a few months she will probably have forgotten about you and moved on with her life. Move on with yours.

[anna_goth27]

Thank you guys. Your advice is keeping me sane. We got our termination letters today but she still doesn't know about the talks I will have about what job I want. I don't want to break it to her until the last possible minute, and I know it's dishonest but I want her to believe that (whenever they ask to speak to me) that it will be the first time I am hearing it.
I am probably doing wrong playing along that I am too upset over being laid off, but I dunno what other way to save her unnecessary rage and save me some peace and sanity until tomorrow is over at least. I just really hope my bosses aren't expecting me not to say anything or to be the one to say to her "oh yeah, that letter I got? The one exactly like yours? Yeah doesn't apply to me because they are asking me to stay".
Granted my dad said they did something similar to his job when the company closed down. They told everyone they were closing that Friday,and when Friday came they approached a select few of employees asking them if they would like to stay on for a while longer. So my situation wouldn't totally be unheard of.

A supervisor told me one of her layoff stories. They had employees separate into two large conference rooms. She went to the one she was assigned. When her boss saw her she kind of looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. "Oh no... You are supposed to be in the OTHER room." The OTHER room had all the employees that were to be let go.

She can laugh about it now

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[anna_goth27]

Yeah....I am just glad that my supervisor had the foresight to realize how close my coworker and I are, that she gave us the same letter. It made it a little easier for me.

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[anna_goth27]

So today my co-worker made a few comments that lead me to believe she has a feeling something is up with me. She still doesn't know anything though.

I really appreciate you guys' input and has really helped me work through this. I still haven't been approached by my other boss, but the one I spoke to is offering me a pretty decent deal. I've been thinking about it for the past few days and I think that is what I want to do. However the issue with my coworker is still tugging at my heart strings. I don't want to be a bad person. I really don't want anyone thinking I took something from her or her family, even though we know that's not the truth. It's driving me crazy, and it's even make me think I don't know how I could get over this in the long run. It's to the point where I am actually considering that just quitting altogether would be the best solution and would avoid her leaving being mad at me. It's not what I want though, but a part of me feels that that would be a more livable solution