Wherever I'm headed, it's not good.

I have an exam I need to be studying for, but I've just been sitting here bawling for over an hour now. I've done this every single day for months now. I need help, but I can't afford the help because I can't find a job.

I've been applying to so many places, but no one will hire me. Well, Walgreens offered to hire me, but they wanted to pay me $7.50 an hour. I can't afford my bills making $7.50 an hour. I don't know why it has to be so hard to find someone willing to pay me a living wage. I have a college degree and a clean record, but I lack experience and don't have the best availability since I'm a student (post-graduate pre-medical studies.)

The fact that no one will hire me just keeps reminding me of how useless I am as a human being and is severely stressing me out. I'm scared of what will happen to me if I don't find a way to make money soon. I can't keep paying my rent, my car payment, my car insurance, for my food, my school books, etc. without money. I'd honestly rather be homeless than go back and live with my dad. See, my nightmare of a sister lives with my dad, and she's disgusting...as in, the health department is currently investigating the house because of the disgusting things she does around the house. On top of that, when I lived there, she would scream at me and tell me how fat and ugly I was all day long...I was having multiple panic attacks every day living there because of her. I CAN'T move back there. Just when I finally got my own apartment and moved away from her, I'm looking at having to move back there because I can't find a job to keep living here.

Another big thing is that I have a crooked tooth that makes me hate myself so much. I know how much of an eye sore it is and that it's the only thing people notice when they see me, and my self confidence would be improved so much if I could get it fixed, but I can't afford to. I'm so tired of hiding away from the world and never smiling because of how my teeth look. And please don't feed me a line about how people don't notice or don't care because I know they do. I've had guys turn me down and tell me how ugly I was once they saw my crooked tooth. That's another thing, I'm almost 25 years old and have never dated anybody...nobody wants to date me because of how stupid and useless I am and how I'm not even attractive enough to be used for sex because of my tooth.

On top of that, I have medical problems I really need to address but can't because, again, no one will hire me at a pay rate high enough so that I can afford my rent, let alone my other bills and my medical expenses. Particularly alaming is that I've been having really bad chest pain for a good while now. The doctor ordered a CT scan of my chest, but I have to call and cancel the appointment tomorrow because I can't afford the test.

Meanwhile, I'm sucking at being a pre-medical student because I'm spending too much time stressing out over money and crying to find the extracurricular activities needed to get into med school. So basically, I'm wasting my time taking these classes for nothing because I'll never get into med school without impressive extracurriculars anyway. It's doubtful that I'll even be able to finish taking my classes because I won't be able to afford to finish or even to stay living in the town where my school is located. I'm trying so hard to pave a future for myself so that I'll never have to be jobless and poor like this again, but I need money to pull it off.

I don't know what to do. I'm just holding on for as long as I can until I run out of money, and once I reach that point (which will be very soon), I see no viable options for what I can do. I tried going to my school's counseling center to talk to somebody, but they referred me to someone outside of the school because they refuse to see part-time students at the counseling center. I don't have money to see the psychologist they sent me to (or anyone else), so I can't talk to anybody.

I have no friends and no support from my family. My family rejects me; I don't know why they hate me so much. Right now, my dad just bought my adult sister and brother new iPhones. Meanwhile, I have an old phone that looks like it was made in 2002, and he won't lend me money to take care of my teeth. It's not that I feel entitled to my dad's money, but if he can hand my siblings tons of it to buy things like iPhones, I don't get why he won't help me with my medical problems. I feel like not even my own family gives a heck about me or what happens to me.

I've tried for so long to find solutions to my problems, but I'm out of ideas. I don't know what's wrong with me that no one thinks I'm worth hiring or keeping me around as a friend, but I'm so stressed, depressed, scared and lonely and just don't know what to do. I wish I could find a way to just disappear or stay asleep all of the time so I don't have to worry about my problems, but I can't.

It sounds like you are really dealing with a lot right now. I hope your exam went well. Would it be possible to take a break from school to get a full time job and save up some money? It just sounds so stressful to be trying to study when all this other stuff is going on.

Studying is the only thing keeping me sane. I love school and studying. I'm pretty certain I'd sink way deeper into depression than I already am if I had to give up school, but I guess not everyone gets to do what they want in life.

Ah, I didn't realize that you loved school, so that was a bad suggestion.

I have no idea what a "living wage" is anymore, so I do apologize.

Today so many things appear to be "necessities" and I can't identify with "today's lifestyle"...

I don't mean to offend... but there are some who have cell phones, televisions, computers and internet service, air conditioning, bottled water, soda, fast food and a number of other "necessities" that cost way more than what I lived with when I was a poor person... meaning limited electricity and water usage, no car, no phone, no hospitalization, not even enough money to use foodstamps as it was more than my budget could afford!... etc.

However, regardless ... really... I'm concerned that you are heading yourself in the wrong direction... merely stating that wherever you are headed is not good is a state of mind no one needs nor wants to be in, right? You don't really know what is in store for you... ...no one (but God, imo) does... why not try to be up for the challenges and opportunities ahead... each day a new beginning, a chance to see what you're made of and how creative you can get...being content no matter what your "plight"?

sorry, I do feel for you, but can no longer identify.

Try correcting that thought with something more palatable

I would consider not being homeless a necessity, and I would also consider a car a near necessity these days. If you haven't looked at job applications lately, a LOT of employers are only looking to hire people who have their own transportation. I had to provide a driver's license number for many of the applications I filled out. It sucks, but it's the way it is; employers are being really picky about who they'll hire now because they can afford to in this job market. Yes I have a computer and internet access. The internet is provided free by my apartment complex, and the computer was a gift, although you almost need a computer in today's world too. You can get by using the computers at the library for the most part, though. I don't have a television set. I do have a cellphone, but I do not have a house phone. My cell phone is also very old and only allows me to do the basics. It is not a Smartphone, and the only reason I have it is that my dad has kept me on his family plan because he wants a way to be able to contact me. If he took me off of his family plan, I would not sign up for my own plan and would just live without a phone...which would also make getting a job hard because employers want you to have a phone number. I hardly think the reason I'm concerned about finances is that I live a life full of "unnecessary" things, but you're free to disagree.

(((((freefallin)))))

It makes me sick the way employees are treated in this country: like objects.

Yes, employers want the sun and the moon. Not only are they demanding about a degree/experience, but you now have to know a second language. I'm not referring to the common Spanish/English requirement, but I'm now seeing languages like Russian, Vietnamese, and Armenian.

You have to have a car, you have to have a smartphone, you have to have this & that. They want all this stuff, but they don't feel a smidgen of loyalty to you. They can let people go in a second, and they don't give them a second thought. So what if they are out on the street? Not their problem. (Sorry, I'm bitter since this almost happened to someone I know. Fortunately, he went back to his hometown. Otherwise, he'd have been homeless. He lost his job, then his apartment)

A car is NOT a luxury in a city with poor public transportation. Also, I don't know why employers think cars are more reliable than taking the bus. They can break down or you can get in an accident.

You need a job to get a job, you need experience to get experience. This country is in the toilet. Yes, we need income to qualify for stuff. Everything is income based. Even Obamacare is based on income.

I'm stopping here or my blood pressure will go up.

Just wanted to comment and say I can relate....Many hugs to you.

Thank you for your empathy, nightowl.

It disgusts me how employees are now treated like objects, too. I know that, in a sense, you can't blame the employers because they have a business to run and their bottom line, but it just sucks that their standards are so unrealistic now. It's completely disgusting how they expect you to have NO life outside of their company. You have to be a "team player" and not just be honest about the fact that you're an employee there because you need to make a living. You have to put their company over your family because, if you won't, they'll find somebody who will. You have to basically be willing to work for them for pennies because you're supposed to just love the company so much that you would work for them for free if they wanted. It's not okay, and something needs to change.

I'm so tired of begging for the privilege of being able to pay for my own rent and food. And I'm tired of being told that I don't "deserve" to have the medical care I've been needing for months because I don't have a job. I don't know how people handle this kind of rejection all of the time. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear, and I can't even talk to someone about how I feel because that costs money too. I just can't deal with the constant stress anymore.

And YES to the point about them having no smidgeon of loyalty to you. You have to break your back to accommodate their needs, but they won't work with yours at all, all because they're the ones with the money. What about the labor you provide them? Shouldn't they just be as grateful for you?

I would take the Walgreens job, you have to start somewhere. I started with my college degree at Sears Roebuck making $95 a week; high school grads only made $90 a week (and we're talking 40 hours, you do the math how much minimum wage was back then :-) You have to be moving in order to "streer" your car. Get some work experience and look around "out there" instead of in your own head, like a hamster on a wheel in his cage. Not working does not pay your bills either so why not work and get experience while you are not paying your bills? See if you can work your way to a job as a pharmacy clerk or in a medical supply store, get "around" medicine if only in such a very very limited job. You can't get to "doctor" tomorrow no matter what you do or how much money you have. See if you can get a job as a medical aide of some sort or get a LPN degree and get some money or influence, etc. so you can continue school. Make a plan rather than just concentrate on the way things look now, sounds like you are trying to take too big leaps. I got my braces on my teeth when I was 30! Paid for them myself with my 401K plan from work. . . It was the start of "getting" being proud of myself for taking care of myself.

No, I can't get to doctor tomorrow if I have money, but I can get to med school pretty quickly if I have money. Once you're in med school, banks are willing to loan you tons of money for tuition and living expenses, so I wouldn't need money then (it's very, very rare for a med student to work while in school. Most schools won't allow you to work.)

Working at Walgreens wouldn't do me any favors because I'm about to be homeless. Are you telling me I can continue to work at Walgreens without a place to live? If I can't pay my bills, I will be homeless. Thus, I need a job that pays my bills. That would be giving up tons of valuable study time for pennies, too. Thus, I would wind up homeless AND potentially with unerasable low grades on my transcript.

Nevermind. The older generation doesn't understand. We were told to go to college so we wouldn't wind up working minimum wage jobs that don't sustain us. Now we're being told to work minimum wage jobs with our college degrees and being called entitled for not wanting to do that.

I don't know if I'm the "older" generation, since I'm 52,() but boy do I understand. My parents harped on me about how important an education is, like if I have a degree, I'll never have to worry about work or money. They didn't even let me work while in school, cause education is so important. THEIR generation got told the same thing, but for that group, working hard got you ahead. Not now.

What a joke! In this country now, even people with advanced degrees can't get jobs in their field, and they are told they are "overqualified" to work at places like McDonald's. WTF? How are they to earn any #$^&*@ blasted money at all?????!!!!!!!

Also, I don't think the solution is that people without advanced degrees need them. The solution is that there needs to be jobs created for them. They are not dummies. Besides, like I said earlier, an advanced degree doesn't guarantee anything now. There's no such thing as a secure job anymore.

The trouble with our world is that everyone wants to get the MOST for the very LEAST. The most of product or service xyz for the least amount of money. The most labor for the least compensation. The most profit for the least expense. What we need is a focus on the intrinsic value of things. Pay more for American products and you invest in American workers (fewer people on welfare... lower taxes). Hiring the hungrier, if less experienced, person might pay off in the long run. Higher compensation and reward for a job well done and loyal service will attract/keep more loyal and conscientious employees who won't steal company resources (time included) and will be more productive. But companies are myopic. Hospitals want the cheap, plentiful new medical grads vs. the seasoned, older and more costly vets. It's the bottom line mentality that is rewarded. It would be great if they'd invest those savings back into those same employees. But they fritter it away and would rather dump their employees into the street like garbage just to ensure they remain under budget. Sad....

Freefalling I agree with u. These companies only care about how much padding their CEO and board members get to take home. They don't care they are destroying ppls lie an in essence killing them. I think every single CEO and board member that Refuaed to pay livable wages Or fired someone for no reason, should be charged with involuntary manslaughter. They indirectly have cost ppl their lives. They've made ppl lose their homes, cars, and families. And in some instances ppl have killed themselves because they had nothing else to lose and nothing to gain. Welcome to America. Welcome to the new world order. Welcome to no freedom no money no life.

Our futures are gone due to greed an the sociopaths that run not just this country but the world. Yes I know there are other countries is worse shape. But y are we spending so much money to help foreign countries have freedom and democracy wen we ourselves don't?

Welcome to Brave New World (in reference to the cast system we already have, even if not yet genetically engineered.).

Involuntary manslaughter sounds good to me.

On a related note, productivity here has to be at a break-neck speed. Just about every ad says "fast-paced," "high pressure." WTF? A job that kills you? So, not just made as cheaply as possible, but FAST. Work hard and fast, but not get a living wage or benefits.

Products or services are fast now. Examples: Nail polish that dries in 1 minute! Oil change in 10 minutes, without getting out of your car! Coffee brews in 30 seconds! Jeez, I'm not in that much of a hurry. I picked up some chicken at the deli yesterday. The guy said they have it pre-packaged as well, for people who don't want to wait. I told him I'm not in that much of a rush!! Heck, there was nobody in line ahead of me, and it took literally only seconds longer!

They say find a job you love and you'll never work another day in your life. But they've taken all the joy and love out of jobs in favor of wringing every drop of blood, sweat and tears out of people. And this govt. points to the stock market as signs of a recovery. LMAO @ the hypocrisy.

Not only are the good jobs scarce, there's no such thing as job security anymore.

Before I would discount nonightowl's suggestion to work at Walgreens, I would write a pros and cons list of how it can benefit you. Remember, it IS a job and a job brings in money. You may only stay at it for 6 months but in the meantime you are bringing in money. Is it part time or full time? If it's part time you can look for another job.

Would you consider data entry part time? Some of those jobs pay decent and if it's part time there is less pressure to meet a lot of the productivity standards. Or a file clerk job? Something quiet, consistent, and pays decent? There are also a lot of temp positions out there. I am just saying, if money is really tight the best thing to do is start bringing money in.

I know what it's like to not have a lot. When I was 22 I was so broke and cried a lot worrying about money because I could barely find a job to get to support myself. I ended up moving back in with my parents which was awful, and I didn't graduate yet.

Just saying, employed people are more attractive to employers than unemployed people. Sad, but true.

And the good jobs are rarely vacant because the employees know what a good job they have! They probably don't want to give their jobs up if their job is good, their employer treats them with respect, it's relatively low stress and well-paid.

You're right, job security doesn't exist...at all. You can be out like a blink even if you are an exemplary employee.

I didn't discount working at Walgreens, LOL. You're right that it is still money, even if it's peanuts. All I'm saying it's a waste to work there if one has a degree. I mean, who goes to college for years to work at Walgreens? I'm saying it's not one's life goal. Just a stepping stone.

Only good thing about it is that it shows you're employed.

I often wonder where this bias towards the unemployed comes from. How it got started? Somebody had to start it all. I just don't get it.

People are unemployed cause they got let go. And they stay that way unless somebody hires them. But employers don't get it. They are contributing to the problem.

Do they think the unemployed are all going to fall into some deep canyon or just disappear??? It has a ripple effect.

No, I meant the OP discounting your suggestion.

You have goals for your future and you are working at achieving them but maybe you need to take a detour on the rode to medical school.

You can go to a community college or possibly even a hospital sponsored course to become a nursing aide. Your income will not be great but it will be better than Walgreens and there are plenty of openings in this field. Once you are employed you may qualify for health insurance so you can get your medical needs attended to. Also, many hospitals have programs where they will help pay for a nursing degree. Again, there are plenty of jobs available and if you work for a place with flextime of 10 hour days you can have lots of time off while you are working full time to continue your medical studies. Nurses are paid very well and usually are offered tons of overtime or are able to moonlight at temporary agencies so you can make even more money to put toward your education.

Don't forget that medical school is not inexpensive and you will probably finish your degree deeply in dept. If you can work while you are in school you can save some money and help prevent owing so much.

These are just ideas. I can tell you are swamped with negative thoughts right now so you are not thinking clearly. Please don't make any rash decisions until your mind is clear and you once again have a definite, workable plan. Please don't give up. You have options.

Yes! Please OP, of all the things to consider here do consider this first. You do have options.

One thing I have to remind myself of ALL THE TIME is my options are not always someone else's options...and their options are not always optional for me!