[octoberpumpkin]

So I am sorry for doing it again.

I just got a new job and it is sending my anxiety through the roof. I stay up all night crying and I have trouble breathing and my head hurts and I feel so weak. I hate my job and as much as I tell myself it's not so bad, my anxiety refuses to listen. It's bad enough that I've been having fantasies about getting hit by a car or something so I won't have to go to work. I won't actually do that, but its still messed up.

I'm so stressed. My boyfriend has been very supportive but he needs me to help out financially and its just so hard and I don't know why. I can't stop crying and I'm panicking and tomorrow is my longest shift yet and I just don't know what to do.

I've quit so many jobs now and it takes me so long to find a new one and I can't keep quitting like this or no one will hire me anymore. But I'm so sick of feeling this way and I'm exhausted and I'm scared.

I have a job where I can't be on the phone or take a break, or sit down and relax, so are there any coping tips to help me? I have to work 6 and a half hours tomorrow and I am terrified

[Vossie42]

You should have a ten minute break in there somewhere since your shift is longer than 4 hours if I remember the labor laws correctly. A ten minute break isn't much but it's something. Wish you could listen to music through your phone. I suppose an iPod isn't allowed either. Just focus on your breathing and nothing else. Well, focus on your job enough to do the bare minimum, but otherwise focus on your breathing. In, out, in out. Take deep breaths every few minutes. Just get through the day.

[Bluesday]

It's tough. I just had a phone interview today and that was nerve wracking enough for my blood! It will get easier for you though. Just take it day by day, moment by moment. Try to break it down and not let it overwhelm you.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

I completely understand, octoberpumpkin. This is what it's like for me when I work public jobs, too. I have, however, found some to be worse than others regarding the stress response. If I have to work with the public, especially doing something like cash register, the stress level will be through the roof and I'll be crying every single morning and barely able to eat anything. The last time I had this type of job I wound up with 5 different viruses / infections in the span of 3 months... I just couldn't handle it. Maybe it is social phobia???
Anyway, I had a way better experience at a job that I usually only saw the same people every day, no customers. This allowed me to get used to people over time so it wasn't as nerve-wracking.
What I did at the same time was run my own business half time (which I am now doing exclusively) so I didn't have to be in the public at all for that chunk of time. If you have a talent or skill that you could build up a small business from and work from home even part time, definitely consider that!
Do you think that it is the social aspect that is stressing you out so much? The pressure of deadlines or having to process too much info? Maybe if you could narrow down what specifically is stressful, you could avoid that and possibly have some different job choices that wouldn't be as miserable.

[octoberpumpkin]

I can't go through with today's long shift so I am going to go in early and talk to a manager and see if he fires me. I would prefer that to him keeping me and giving me smaller hours and hating me silently. I don't know how its going to go but I can't go on like this.

The biggest problem for me seems to be when it occupies a large portion of my day. Like the work BECOMES my day and I don't even like the job and then before I know it my life becomes that job and I'm miserable.

I'm trying so hard. I don't want to have to explain to people that I quit another job and we could use the money. I just don't know. I'm really scared to go talk with him

[Vossie42]

Just got home from school. How did it go? I hope you're okay.

[shortandcute]

[octoberpumpkin]

I had a panic attack at work and she asked me to work anyway and gave me an extra 10 minute break. Then she proceeded to tell everyone in the store and have them baby me and I am humiliated and one of the workers won't even look at me anymore. I wish she had just fired me. Now I have to go back to work in an hour and I wish I would get hit by a car so I never have to go back there.

[Vossie42]

OMG! She had no right to violate your privacy like that. She should not have said anything to anyone. As boss, she doesn't have to defend her decision to give you an extra ten minute break to any of the employees. She didn't need to tell other people how to treat you. If you need something from someone, you'll ask them. If she had to say something, then why didn't she just say you had a migraine. Yeesh!

[octoberpumpkin]

I quit. I tried to go over and I felt suicidal and I quit and now I hate myself even more and I feel like a useless sack of crap who let everyone down again. Why can't I just work like everybody else?

[doyoutrustme]

Have you tried medication and therapy? I used to be a wreck at work but both those things worked really well. ((Hugs)) take care of yourself.

[HockingPastryChef]

That was very disrespectful on her part to tell others to baby you. Just pamper yourself as much as possible in the time being before looking for another job.

Have you thought of taking yoga classes and do you have a therapist?