Tired, starting to snap at customers....

A little background: This month marks my one year working in retail after leaving my nursing career due to clinical burnout + depression. The shop is a little kiosk in the middle of the mall, which gives me a great opportunity to work on my social anxiety and test my coping skills. Overall I enjoy my new job and career even if it isn't the best; I like making my customers smile and helping them find exactly what they need, and my customer service and management skills are really put to good use here. My boss is older than me, a very sweet and nice woman who gave me a job only on the good word of a friend. Which makes my entire situation even more frustrating!

Over the last 6 months, I have been starting to feel taken advantage of. In April I was promised a promotion to Assistant Manager by our DM (since Dec 13 I had taken on the role under the pretense this was training and probation for the title). Every time the date comes for my promotion, I'm given an excuse as to why they cannot promote me at this time. I have done everything that has been asked of me above and beyond. To be honest, the only manager duties I don't do are scheduling (doesn't stop the other girls from harassing me about it anyway) and refund checks. Emails with head office, paper work, product transfers, stock buying, budget balances, I do all of it, because if I don't then it will not get done. My boss can't do these things as she has no computer training and everything is electronic. I come in after 2 days off and the kiosk is a DISASTER!

Last week the new Regional was in visiting. I had hopes this would finally be the time I got the promotion since this RM had stated every store was to have both a manager & assistant no matter what. We met and she was very impressed by me & my skills (so I'm told) but no promotion. This month's excuse is 'we have to approve it with head office'. Hm.

I'm so frustrated and exhausted. I cancelled my yearly September weekend plans so I could work the mandatory blackout period. My schedule changes almost daily and I never know what I'm working beyond a day or two. I am supposed to have Tuesdays off for my medical appointments but for the last several weeks this has not been happening due to staff shortages and I have been working 12 day stretches at times, which means I have to reschedule and wait all over again. There are lots of inner politics and general catty office backstabbing that I try to stay away from because I'm the type of person that will just end up yelling at everyone to stop acting like bratty schoolchildren and to get back to work.

My boss & coworkers know I have depression and anxiety. They do not know to what extent or that I experience psychosis under stress. To my knowledge the other managers and bosses do not know anything about my condition as I have not disclosed it. I need a break. Last week I told my boss I needed a vacation and wanted to use my pay to take a week off- yes, sure, we can do that next week she told me. Well... I have to go work in an hour, so you know, that vacation didn't happen And I think my boss is off on her vay-cay next week!

3 weeks ago a close family friend was in an ATV accident, nearly died, he is still in a coma with brain damage. The stress triggered me and I ended up with a suicide attempt and SH. This monday I finally saw my doctor and it was a fight to convince him I was stable enough to not be in the hospital. We are trying new meds now. I called in to work after because I was so exhausted from dealing with my doctors and getting the meds sorted out, coupled with already pulling 6 days straight. My boss was LIVID, hung up on me while I was crying and apologizing that I couldn't go in because of a medical reason. I'm terrified of what is going to happen today. I know she is going to get revenge on me somehow, or guilt me into giving up another day off to work. She's one of those people who goes to work no matter what. Right now she is sick with pneumonia and a collapsed lung and still goes in every single day because we don't have staff coverage. I feel tremendous guilt and weakness that I'm not as strong a person as she is. My mother is the same way, you go to work no matter what, unless you're standing there with a chopped off bleeding limb you finish the shift. This has been drilled in to me as good work ethic, even if I know it's just plain crazy to expect people to perform well at a job when they are ill.

I just need some time off to RELAX and get away from how toxic everything is there. My depression is coming to my workplace now; I have a hard time smiling at or even greeting customers and nearly told a last minute shopper to f* off the other night. Sooo glad I caught myself before that slipped. After the customer left I closed the kiosk early and spent the last 10 minutes crying while I counted the change.

I'm worried that I'm just going to keep getting screwed around with the promotion and vacation. If I don't get some time away soon I am going to crack. I feel it would be wrong to go over my boss's head to the Regional and ask for a stable schedule and time off... but I don't really see this happening any other way I just don't know how to handle this. If I take an LOA I'm scared of that going into my file... I already took one at the beginning of the year due to blood clots so it will be another mark against me. I can't afford to loose my job because I'm sick all the time.

argh!

Hello mermaidsoup: This sounds like just an awful situation! It just goes to show, just because a person is a manager, this doesn't mean they are smart or capable. And it sounds as though your manager is positively toxic! I don't know that I have any great suggestions for you either, unfortunately. I do agree that going over the manager's head to the Regional is probably not a great idea either.

It sounds to me as though perhaps, if you can muster the energy to do it, you should consider changing jobs. I don't know where you live, but anywhere in the U.S. (& I would presume Canada) this time of year is a great time to be seeking employment in the retail field. Of course you do have to be careful that you don't end up being hired now only to be laid off again after the holidays. But, then, that could happen to you in your present job as well.

It sounds to me, from what you've written, you're just being used. And whether you eventually get the Assistant Manager promotion or not, the environment you're working in is not likely to change. So, from my perspective at least, what I would say is: try not to focus too much on what is going on right now. Think about where you are at career-wise, & whether or not the job you have at the moment is really benefitting you long-term. It doesn't sound like it is.

I am so sorry for your situation! I was going to say we have the FMLA act that provides protections and rights in these types of situations, then I see you are in Canada :-( So I'm not sure about laws there but it may be worth it to look into any employment laws protecting those w/ disabling chronic health conditions that may protect your job while you take time off to get better. That situation just isn't right..the very fact you don't have a set schedule wreaks havoc on someone suffering from mental illness. I don't think any of this would fly in the US, I just have no idea what type of laws you guys have up there, but I urge you to do whatever you can to find out exactly what your rights are, and then go to the person of authority who can help you. What stands out to me the most in what you posted is the need for you to take care of yourself first. Put your health as top priority because once that goes, you likely won't have a job or be able to work anyways..so best to stop this cycle before you end up letting the stress take you down. I know how it is...stress induced psychosis and it's a downhill spiral once it starts...please don't be afraid to make your health #1...everything else will fall into place after that. I wish you the best!

The Family And Medical Leave Act (FMLA)
The federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) gives eligible employees the right to take up to 12 weeks off in a 12-month period for these reasons:
to care for a new child
because the employee is incapacitated by a serious health condition, or
because the employee is needed to care for a family member with a serious health condition.

Thank you for the responses Sorry I'm so late getting back, life is always so hectic.

My boss was only in for a short time the other day. We haven't talked much, but she did express to me that she was disappointed I couldn't tell her what was so upsetting on Monday that I had to use a sick day. I just told her that there is a lot going on right now and it is too personal to talk about. Still no word on vacation or promotion. My anxiety's gone down a bit as I've been focusing on getting our visual displays up to snuff. That is my favourite part of this job, setting up all the displays and selecting our new stock, its a very nice distraction from everything else going on there.

@The Skeezyks: Thank you. Yes, it is a bit of a pickle. I have been humming and hawing over a job switch (a friend a few stores over told me he could probably get me a shoe-in at their shop) but it's like... I want to leave with that manager position on my resume. I feel like its such a waste to get all the training and experience and never get the job title But then I'm waiting forever I suppose! I like work and it generally keeps me out of trouble but taking medical time off is starting to look like a good option for me. I'm just worried about the income loss, especially with Christmas coming up. And the employment gap.



@lostinpdx: Thank you for the information! I'm sorry to hear you have had the experience of stress induced psychosis too. It really is a spiral down. I would not wish this on anyone. I'm in Ontario, Canada specifically as laws differ by province. I know we have labour laws and employment standards and I've been taking pictures of the changed schedules in case I ever need to cover my butt or decide to go to the Board. My therapist has suggested to me that I take disability and go down to part time... I know a woman who works in the store beside us does this as she has chronic health issues but wants to work too. I used to reject the idea but it sounds like it might be what I need. Plus I could do some volunteering at the shelter house with the new free time. That is something I really want to do but my crazy schedule has made that impossible. Again, there's the sticky issue of potential income loss...

I think I am going to talk with my therapist next session and explore the part-time/disability option. Maybe see if there are offering any vocational training courses too. I agree, my health should be my #1.

Thank you for the insight everyone it helps so much