[jzq20m]

A recently hired coworker told me that she considers our boss incompetent and has no respect for incompetency. The first time she said this, I responded that "this was disappointing to hear because I like our boss and I respect what he is doing." The second time she said this, I did not respond at all.

Should I tell my boss about the comments she's making?

Additional background info
1. She joined our team about 3-4 months ago.
2. She tends to be very argumentative and will "grind you down" if you engage with her.
3. I have a sneaking suspicion she's making similar statements to my former boss who was replaced by my new boss.

What I really want to do is just crawl into a corner.

[gloamingone]

Honestly, I'd just stay out of it. And away from her as much as you can. She sounds toxic!

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[Slamjammer]

Absolutely keep your mouth shut and stay out of it. She will eventually become an "alumni" of your organization ;-)

[jzq20m]

Thank you very much for your suggestions! I will definitely keep my mouth shut and just focus on getting my projects done.

I hope one day she will be an "alumni" of our organization. Unfortunately, once we hire someone, we have a tendency to keep them around. Sigh...

[nicoleflynn]

Knowing the difference between "their" stuff and your stuff is a big key. That is HER stuff.......Just focus on your projects.

[Jay267]

Agreed with the others about staying out of it but...
Next time she tries talking badly about your boss to you... Ask her if she's spoken To the boss about how she feels. I can't speak for everyone but as a manager myself I'm totally fine with people coming to me if they have issues with the way I do things and am happy to discuss it with them and listen to their ideas and suggestions.

If I find out they're *****ing and gossiping about anyone behind their backs, whether it's myself or another team member, they're 100% in the ****.

I'd tell her you're not the one to talk to about it, if she has a problem she should tell the person she has the issue with and sort it out..

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I hope you boss has regular one-to-one meetings with her staff - it really helps in getting dissatisfaction into the open. Sometimes your biggest critics can be really useful, and should certainly be encouraged to discuss their concerns in a constructive way.

[jzq20m]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Knowing the difference between "their" stuff and your stuff is a big key. That is HER stuff.......Just focus on your projects.

I'm very slowly learning this. It's surprising how much easier my day is when I'm able to say to myself, "This is not my battle."

[jzq20m]

Originally Posted by Jay267

Agreed with the others about staying out of it but...
Next time she tries talking badly about your boss to you... Ask her if she's spoken To the boss about how she feels. I can't speak for everyone but as a manager myself I'm totally fine with people coming to me if they have issues with the way I do things and am happy to discuss it with them and listen to their ideas and suggestions.

If I find out they're *****ing and gossiping about anyone behind their backs, whether it's myself or another team member, they're 100% in the ****.

I'd tell her you're not the one to talk to about it, if she has a problem she should tell the person she has the issue with and sort it out..

Thank you for sharing your perspective as a manager. I think she does go to our boss to express her concerns and ideas. However, if our boss says, "No, this is the way we will proceed," I think that's when she comes to me and complains about incompetence. (I do think my boss is open to suggestions and ideas.)

[jzq20m]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I hope you boss has regular one-to-one meetings with her staff - it really helps in getting dissatisfaction into the open. Sometimes your biggest critics can be really useful, and should certainly be encouraged to discuss their concerns in a constructive way.

I think part of the problem is the way she presents her concerns. When she asks me for my opinion on how to proceed with a certain aspect of a project, the conversation can suddenly progress to a criticism of my opinion. If I'm able to keep my emotions under control, and can really listen to what she is saying, her ideas or criticisms really don't make sense. (Unfortunately, my usual reaction is to go into a shame spiral for having expressed such a stupid opinion and I vow never to speak again!)

[hvert]

I haven't finished reading it, but there's a book called 'Crucial Conversations' that has some really interesting ideas for keeping emotions in check while having conversations with people who have very fixed views.

I agree with the other posters that you shouldn't repeat her rude comments to your new boss. It *might* be worth having a more generalized conversation with your boss about this person's toxic negativity.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by jzq20m

I think part of the problem is the way she presents her concerns. When she asks me for my opinion on how to proceed with a certain aspect of a project, the conversation can suddenly progress to a criticism of my opinion. If I'm able to keep my emotions under control, and can really listen to what she is saying, her ideas or criticisms really don't make sense. (Unfortunately, my usual reaction is to go into a shame spiral for having expressed such a stupid opinion and I vow never to speak again!)

This sounds very difficult, as if any opinion, advice or direction anyone says becomes a target for a rather non-constructive attitude. Nothing to do with you certainly. I think this is something your boss should pick up on, and if asked keep it strictly professional about your relationship with this person and no more. As this person is newly employed I assume there is a probation period before the post is confirmed?

I specialise in asking stupid questions, as after all you are only one question more idiotic than all the other fools!

When you get answers that make no sense I like to take a deep breath, swallow the anger/despair and say that it is not quite clear what they are saying and would they like expand, and let them dig a deeper hole - sooner or later they will get the message.

[jzq20m]

Originally Posted by hvert

I haven't finished reading it, but there's a book called 'Crucial Conversations' that has some really interesting ideas for keeping emotions in check while having conversations with people who have very fixed views.

I agree with the other posters that you shouldn't repeat her rude comments to your new boss. It *might* be worth having a more generalized conversation with your boss about this person's toxic negativity.

Thank you very much for the book recommendation. I checked it out on Amazon and plan to get it on my Kindle.

[jzq20m]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

This sounds very difficult, as if any opinion, advice or direction anyone says becomes a target for a rather non-constructive attitude. Nothing to do with you certainly. I think this is something your boss should pick up on, and if asked keep it strictly professional about your relationship with this person and no more. As this person is newly employed I assume there is a probation period before the post is confirmed?

I specialise in asking stupid questions, as after all you are only one question more idiotic than all the other fools!

When you get answers that make no sense I like to take a deep breath, swallow the anger/despair and say that it is not quite clear what they are saying and would they like expand, and let them dig a deeper hole - sooner or later they will get the message.

Unfortunately, I work in higher education and we don't have probationary periods. So, if someone isn't working out, getting rid of them requires lots of documentation, improvement plans, etc., or waiting until their yearly contract expires.

I love your suggestion about asking them to expand upon their answer and letting them dig themselves into a deeper hole. Hopefully, I'll be able to calm myself down enough to do this!

[jan16th]

Originally Posted by jzq20m

A recently hired coworker told me that she considers our boss incompetent and has no respect for incompetency. The first time she said this, I responded that "this was disappointing to hear because I like our boss and I respect what he is doing." The second time she said this, I did not respond at all.

Should I tell my boss about the comments she's making?

Additional background info
1. She joined our team about 3-4 months ago.
2. She tends to be very argumentative and will "grind you down" if you engage with her.
3. I have a sneaking suspicion she's making similar statements to my former boss who was replaced by my new boss.

What I really want to do is just crawl into a corner.

Best to stay out of it and let her commit career suicide. No need to have her go after you for something the boss will find out on his/ her own.

[warlocksdotz]

Do not be a whistleblower. Trust me it will hurt you moreso in the end. While you can respect your boss, it is not up to you to "tell on your coworker". You may comment to your coworker such as, I believe he is doing his best at his job, his work, and managing our team.

Do not be the whistle blower!

[jzq20m]

Originally Posted by warlocksdotz

Do not be a whistleblower. Trust me it will hurt you moreso in the end. While you can respect your boss, it is not up to you to "tell on your coworker". You may comment to your coworker such as, I believe he is doing his best at his job, his work, and managing our team.

Do not be the whistle blower!

I love your suggestion..."I believe he is doing his best at his job..." Thank you.