[lostfeeling25]

I've been away from these forums for a bit. I recently left a job I held for 7 years that I knew was going nowhere. I've been in training at my new job for 3 weeks, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I nearly have panic attacks everyday before going in because I hate being new and not knowing what I'm doing. I'm terrible at change, and a long sufferer of depression and anxiety that just keeps getting worse. I spend the entire weekend doing nothing but worry about the coming week. I'm so angry at myself for making this change and thinking I was strong enough to do it. I'm also so angry that I have this crazy anxiety and self-doubt. I seriously just want to quit, but then I will have no job at all. I almost wish I could go out on disability for my anxiety, but the thought of staying home all day doing nothing is not appealing either. Anyone else deal with anything similar? It is such a struggle to deal with this crippling fear all the time.

[Little Lulu]

Yep - I quit work for a while and going back was very difficult. I had the same feelings of anxiety and fear. One thing I noticed was that once I was at work for an hour or two the feelings eased so I would look at the clock and know that around 10AM I could count on feeling better. Make some friendly contacts at work as soon as possible ... that is helpful also.

[CosmicRose]

I've also thought of going on disability but after looking at the numbers, it just doesn't pay the bills, it barely covers rent or mortgage payments. I know everything in your body is screaming "Don't go! Quit!" and coming from someone who has quit almost everything she's started (me), please don't. Quitting temporarily feels good, but then it turns into an ugly feeling of self-disappointment and it snowballs into more fear and more self-doubt and less confidence. Think of it this way - if you mess up really bad, what's the worst that can happen? They fire you? GREAT, that's when you can leave and collect unemployment until you find another job. But quitting doesn't do anything except provide very temporary relief. So go into it every day with that mindset "I deserve to be here just like everyone else. I have a right to be here just like everyone else. I am allowed to mess up and make mistakes, I'm new and I'm not perfect, no one is. Even my boss makes mistakes and my coworkers make mistakes. People here appreciate me, and like me, otherwise they would not have hired me among the fifty other applicants. I'm allowed to mess up and learn and grow. This is a good opportunity for me. I am strong and I deserve to be here and get paid for my needed skills."

[lostfeeling25]

Thanks for the positive words. I wish I wasn't so worked up about it. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm new and not expected to run the company. I just hate being new and feeling out of place. Not that anyone actually enjoys being the new person. It's just hard to see past your own fears and insecurities sometimes. I'm trying to remind myself that I took the job for the right reasons and that they saw enough in me to hire me. I'm just struggling with the fear and the lack of confidence. I know that quitting will just make it worse so I'm trying to stick it out, but wow I didn't realize how hard it would be!

[QuietCalamity]

I know exactly how you feel! I just started a job 3 months ago and had daily panic attacks for a while. Not knowing anyone and also not knowing what I'm doing are both huge anxiety triggers for me. I'm feeling much better the past few weeks tho, now that I feel more comfortable. It's tough but you'll make it!!

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[stapleremover]

Also in the same boat. I started a new job three weeks ago - the first job I've had since I went to the hospital in July after a suicide attempt. It's actually a great job and I feel very lucky to have found such a good match, but for the first week I was constantly nauseous and freaked out. Fortunately it has gotten better, and it's also lucky for me that it's starting out as part time then becoming full time in a few months. Hang in there.

[klynnenicholas]

Take it from one who has gone out on disability, you don't want to go that route. Keep your job. Disability has ruined my self confidence in any ability to do a job anymore and now that I've been out of the work force for 4 years no one will hire me! Being out of the workforce has caused me to doubt my abilities to do any job and caused me to be afraid I wouldnt be able to handle a job. It's very depressing not working. It's miserable and depression is much much worse being unemployed. I'd rather be employed any day.

[FourEyesAK]

I could have written this post almost exactly. I have a couple of previous posts here in the forums about it. But, I left a job in March that I had been at for 5 years and I left because I had a supervisor that was very difficult to work with and was causing me to be very anxious and depressed. I took the summer off and started a new job in September. It was a job in the same industry as I had been in before, but it was an entirely new line of work. Training me up to a proficient level for my job has been a somewhat slow and frustratng process. I'm only working part-time (I attend college full-time) which is a bit of a hurdle because I'm being held to the same expectations as a full-time employee, which I don't think is entirely fair, but okay. The employees assigned to train me are very, very busy and have had a difficult time trying to perform their job duties and trying to train me, as well. Now I'm getting close to getting my 90 day review and according to managment I'm way behind in my training and need to get up to speed fast. I didn't ask if there was an "or else", but now I'm obssessing over work and feeling really stressed out as a result. My anxiety has been flaring up again in a big way and I've been losing what little self confidence I may have gained over the summer. Feelings of failure and futility are starting to become constant again.

And I really am at a loss at what to do, but I did contact my college's counseling center. I'm going to see if I can get in to see a counseler and see if they can help put some of this into perspective and it could be that I need to go on antidepressants again. I could just be too stressed out with a full course load, a part-time job, and winter starting (I get SAD, too).

[lostfeeling25]

Sad to report that I did end up quitting the new job that I mentioned in my original post. I just couldn't handle it. It was a relief to leave. But now it's a new stressor because now I am unemployed and feel worse than I did at the job. I feel like such an idiot for thinking I could handle something new like that and leaving the job I had prior. And I question whether any other job I get I will do the same thing. Trying to believe something better will come from this is definitely hard. I admire all of you for sticking it out.

[hvert]

Is there any chance you can get your old job back? It's really hard to make the right choice sometimes. I think you will find a better job that doesn't stress you out so much.

[klynnenicholas]

Originally Posted by lostfeeling25

Sad to report that I did end up quitting the new job that I mentioned in my original post. I just couldn't handle it. It was a relief to leave. But now it's a new stressor because now I am unemployed and feel worse than I did at the job. I feel like such an idiot for thinking I could handle something new like that and leaving the job I had prior. And I question whether any other job I get I will do the same thing. Trying to believe something better will come from this is definitely hard. I admire all of you for sticking it out.

It's ok, I quit a job after 6 weeks, I just couldn't handle the stress and anxiety. I wanted to work so badly but when it came down to it I couldn't handle it. Then after I quit I second guessed my decision. Anxiety, ocd, and depression are hard crosses to bear. I hate not working but when I've tried I never can cut it, terrible place to be. Best wishes