[Sneuby]

Hello, I have languished in graduate school so long, as a result of my ongoing mental health issues, that I now fear that any prospect that I might have had, have long since passed me by. It is terribly sad and discouraging, particularly as I am by no means even close to finishing my thesis. In retrospect, I would have never taken it on knowing that it would magnify my mental health issues as it has, and left me in this between a rock and a hard place situation. Option 1 is that I spend even more years of my life pushing through ant then end of jobless and unhappy in the end, or 2, that I simply withdraw from my thesis now and feel relieved for a few days or perhaps weeks, and then fall into the bottom of a pit of despair for having not finished and followed through on something...yet again. In the latter case, I honestly fear for my life, while in the former, I fear a life that becomes more and more miserable....I am stuck and I am sad.

[Little Lulu]

Surely there are more than two options?? Any chance you could withdraw for a while from the thesis, work for a while, and then get back to the thesis? Or you could proceed slowly with the thesis while working?

Or maybe do something really radical like join the Peace Corps and go in a totally different direction. I had a neighbor who has made a life for himself doing mission work (not religious) in the Philippines and is totally enthralled with his life. The 'box' is always bigger than we think.

Best wishes - I hope you find your way to contentment with your life, whatever that looks like.

[Sneuby]

Hey Little Lu, unfortunately taking time off, coming back etc. is not an option as have already done so many times. The radical thing is tempting, but also scary and not sure I have the means or guts to do it. Also, I am at a loss as to what I would do as that is a problem I have in general. If and when thesis is done, I am really not even sure what I want to do, but really don't think academia is an appealing, mentally healthy, or even plausible option, given my long delay

[CosmicRose]

Choose the first option. The second option isn't an option at all, you only think it is because it will give you a false sense of relief for a day or two.

[Little Lulu]

Whatever you decide, I hope you embrace it as right for your life. Keep an open mind ...

[avlady]

Yes go with your gut if you can

[hvert]

Can you just do the bare minimum on your thesis to finish it and be done with it?

[Sneuby]

The only problem with the 'bare minimum' thing is that I am one of those perfectionist, have do it all, types...in fact, the latter has made many things in my life a misery.

[hvert]

I have those tendencies too and also had problems with grad school.

I quit the program at one point and called a professor to tell him that I would not be making a presentation with my group that Monday. I can't even remember what he said, but it made me reconsider my decision. I was able to withdraw my resignation and continue.

I wound up just going through the motions with the program and it was 100% okay. Sometimes the bare minimum is good enough. What does it matter, in the end, if your thesis is perfect? If you've put years into the program, just get it done and move on. You are far more likely to regret quitting the program than you would regret taking six months to crank out a less good enough thesis that gets you a piece of paper saying you finished.

I'm obviously not familiar with your situation, but this happens to so many of us. I can't tell you how many people I know (including me) who put off taking their last class for 2-3 years!

Is there a career path that interests you?

[Little Lulu]

I agree with hvert. Perfectionism is a state of mind that undermines all aspects of our lives - school, careers, relationships, etc. It also is something we use to hide behind to keep from going forward.

Perfectionism also made grad school a struggle for me, so much so that right after graduation I developed some health problems I don't think I would have had otherwise. Yet, I saw classmates go through grad school putting forth much less effort than I did and they ended up with the same piece of paper I have.

I am now in my late 50's. What I am learning is that if you don't ease up on the perfectionism when you are younger, you will be forced to when you are older because you don't have the time and energy to put those kind of demands on yourself and you no longer see the logic in it!

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by Little Lulu

I agree with hvert. Perfectionism is a state of mind that undermines all aspects of our lives - school, careers, relationships, etc. It also is something we use to hide behind to keep from going forward.

Perfectionism also made grad school a struggle for me, so much so that right after graduation I developed some health problems I don't think I would have had otherwise. Yet, I saw classmates go through grad school putting forth much less effort than I did and they ended up with the same piece of paper I have.

I am now in my late 50's. What I am learning is that if you don't ease up on the perfectionism when you are younger, you will be forced to when you are older because you don't have the time and energy to put those kind of demands on yourself and you no longer see the logic in it!

I never realized just how much perfectionism can halt our lives. I'm 22 and I've always been a perfectionist, to a fault. It has caused me a lot of trouble. I was the goody two shoes with perfect grades in grade school, but I started experiencing huge bouts of anxiety after age 13. The anxiety actually turned into a "disorder", I never had OCD or anything but it manifested itself as social anxiety instead. My life can be paralleled to the Rapunzel story, only I'm the one locking myself in my tower.

[Sneuby]

Thank you all for your feedback, and for sharing your related experiences. It was extremely helpful to see if from another perspective and from those who have already been there 'and dun that!". I am forging forward although I must admit that it is hard to remain committed from day to day. I have good days, but I also have many bad ones. On bad days, such as today, I still want to quit and just run away from the dark and depressing life that I sometimes feel trapped in. Even some menial job in a far away land sounds great as it would free me of the expectations that others have placed on me.
Meanwhile, I realize that I have constructed others expectations. Truth be told, I think that most have simply given up on me, or have just settled in to the reality that I will be muddling through this forever....so there are no expectations really, just disappointment. But there goes the negative voice again:-) Seriously though, I do worry about how I am ever going to finish as I am constantly side swiped by my anxiety and depression, just as a try to make some headway. Take today for example. I set my alarm to start at 5 a.m., but I awoke to the darkness and could not get up until 10. This of course, made me feel even worse, and undercut any motivation I had, and so the cycle goes:-(

[hvert]

But now you are up!

I get up at 5 and fool around until I realize it's 10:00... and too often decide that since I've already wasted the day away, what's the point of doing anything useful? It's not a good way to think. We both need to stop writing off the whole day because we didn't make good use of our mornings.

I hope you get something done today!