[HockingPastryChef]

Ok, so I made a topic earlier about the two bakers that can be negative and I think it wears onto me because then I make assumptions when they complain so much.

I thought one of the bakers had complained about the buttercream earlier today so I said something to her before I left. She text me back say "Hey did you think I complained earlier about the buttercream. I said yeah, I thought you said something. She then text me that I think you need to stop assuming people are say **** all the time around there. Then I said Yeah, I agree that it's not good to assume. Like earlier I think I was hearing things. ha. But when was I thinking this all the time?

I guess after a situation where I spoke up about them saying things about me behind my back with the boss, they said stuff to the other workers too though. So now they assume I think that all the time. But I do not, it's I know they complain a lot though.

But I did send an apology for that assumption. Nothing back to either message.

I'm not sure what to do about this situation now because she probably had told others there at the bakery. I'm sure she would of said something to the other baker and probably the lady I thought say may had said something to.

I was thinking when I see her tomorrow apologize to her face in front of the other baker and then ask the decorator who I thought she complained to about the situation I misunderstood.

Opinions would help.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Perhaps you could refrain from making comments that might be misinterpreted and just ask if they were concerned about the buttercream?

Apologise away in the meantime, I am sure it will be taken in good heart.

[HockingPastryChef]

Yeah, I think that would be something good to add. I will ask her that tomorrow and then apologize.

The girl that I ask about that to, complains so... much it's not hard to assume. I need to stop asking when I haven't heard her clearly though, it does create an assumption.

What do you think about me asking the decorator I thought she complained to about the situation? I'm sure she said something after I left to the decorator.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

If you feel you can ask the decorator in a non-confrontational sort of way then go ahead (if you think they will respond in a helpful way.

Remember that it is normal in life for there to be a certain amount of misunderstandings, resentment, suspicion and jealousy. I am sure you know this already and also know that there is nothing to be done except manage it as best you can.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

If you feel you can ask the decorator in a non-confrontational sort of way then go ahead (if you think they will respond in a helpful way.

Remember that it is normal in life for there to be a certain amount of misunderstandings, resentment, suspicion and jealousy. I am sure you know this already and also know that there is nothing to be done except manage it as best you can.

Yeah, it happens to EVERYBODY. These people that heard probably will eventually let it go too....

But I was thinking of Say to the decorator. Hey did "the baker" say something to you about a situation about where I thought I heard her complaining about buttercream to you? Then listen and explain that yes I did assume if she says something about me assuming. Which I may end up asking in front of other decorators which I'm not sure is a good idea.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Hey did "the baker" say something to you about a situation about where I thought I heard her complaining about buttercream to you? I would agree that this is a questionable approach to the problem.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Hey did "the baker" say something to you about a situation about where I thought I heard her complaining about buttercream to you? I would agree that this is a questionable approach to the problem.

Yeah, I will think about it a little more.

I had actually talked to my mom. I do think her approach isn't bad either. Just letting it go and act all normal and positive as if nothing happened. I'm sure she spread a lot of things but if I behave normal and if someone acts funny I can always ask what's up.

If anything I can still always ask the decorator about the situation.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Hey did "the baker" say something to you about a situation about where I thought I heard her complaining about buttercream to you? I would agree that this is a questionable approach to the problem.

Wait... are you saying that this approach is good? or that asking that is a better choice than several other approaches? ha

[healingme4me]

I like the let it go approach. Asking the decorator if there was something said in her presence, could create discomfort. Recreates more drama, than necessary. If there's topics that involve work related changes, it's one thing. Too many cooks in the kitchen, can ruin the soup.
I find that talking while the hands move, is a more suitable kitchen discussion. One of the cooks I admire working with the most, runs her kitchen in just that way. And when I worked a specific station with a specific coworker, in my early years, it was exactly what each of us did, naturally. We sure did bring in some serious numbers, during those years.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I like the let it go approach. Asking the decorator if there was something said in her presence, could create discomfort. Recreates more drama, than necessary. If there's topics that involve work related changes, it's one thing. Too many cooks in the kitchen, can ruin the soup.
I find that talking while the hands move, is a more suitable kitchen discussion. One of the cooks I admire working with the most, runs her kitchen in just that way. And when I worked a specific station with a specific coworker, in my early years, it was exactly what each of us did, naturally. We sure did bring in some serious numbers, during those years.

Aw... I see what you are saying. The more that is said the more will be spread... hey that almost rhymes. ha But yeah, I work on staying away from drama but sometimes it can be difficult being out it all without realizing. Plus she wanted to stir the pot in the first place; she isn't a happy person from things I hear her saying quite often too.

She complains so much in the first place and I feel that she did twist and distort the situation. I guess behaving more confident and happy will show that I let things roll off. I don't complain a whole lot there either.

I think I will just talk to the group of decorators at the end of the day a little more than usual too.

[healingme4me]

I did like the apology approach, that you mentioned, at first, also.

I have worked with all kinds of personalities, in my kitchen years. In a way, it's a field that holds room to have a bit of tension, at times, and there's room for those that complain, as well. After all, it's not really an easy replacement industry. Not when you factor in what it takes to get someone who is wet behind the ears trained.
Not being walked on nor discounted matters. Hope it resolves itself, for you.

Have you noticed peak times of the year, when it's more tense than others? Planning around that, can help brace for the next .

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I did like the apology approach, that you mentioned, at first, also.

I have worked with all kinds of personalities, in my kitchen years. In a way, it's a field that holds room to have a bit of tension, at times, and there's room for those that complain, as well. After all, it's not really an easy replacement industry. Not when you factor in what it takes to get someone who is wet behind the ears trained.
Not being walked on nor discounted matters. Hope it resolves itself, for you.

Have you noticed peak times of the year, when it's more tense than others? Planning around that, can help brace for the next .

Yes, I was thinking that would help release tension. Though... tomorrow is actually this bakers last day.

I do still feel that she twisted it around to make it sound as though I misheard. Does an apology cure something that was true too because I did hear her complain about the buttercream to the other baker, not the situation? Why I'm not certain is because I do have a hearing disorder that can help me mishear quite often.

Would it be weird to ask the baker what she actually heard me say too, or would there be more spread? Because I think we both are confused considering that is where conflict is started. lol

I had not gotten sleep the other night so I feel even more clouded with this dilemma added.

Also it is busier during summer time there at the bakery, more parties and weddings.

[healingme4me]

If it's her last day, could well explain the misunderstanding. Tensions run the highest as spring begins, where I am.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

If it's her last day, could well explain the misunderstanding. Tensions run the highest as spring begins, where I am.

So you are say that since it's her last day tomorrow she could be more stressed herself and that's why she took it personal? I can see that.

Should I ask her more about this conflict though to actually figure out what she heard. Though I do believe she is taking the negative out of a text message too as you could see what I had sent her. Plus I already know she can't handle talking about conflict well at all, where I am a person that likes to dig in and get things solved and find solutions.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by HockingPastryChef

So you are say that since it's her last day tomorrow she could be more stressed herself and that's why she took it personal? I can see that.

Should I ask her more about this conflict though to actually figure out what she heard. Though I do believe she is taking the negative out of a text message too as you could see what I had sent her. Plus I already know she can't handle talking about conflict well at all, where I am a person that likes to dig in and get things solved and find solutions.

Or it could be worded that you don't want any hard feelings?

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Or it could be worded that you don't want any hard feelings?

I'm confused, what could be worded with I don't want any hard feelings?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by HockingPastryChef

I'm confused, what could be worded with I don't want any hard feelings?

When speaking to the Baker. Instead of second guessing what she may or may not have understood. And instead of an apology. I've found it's been an approach that I've used, and those close to me, have used that just seems to work.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

When speaking to the Baker. Instead of second guessing what she may or may not have understood. And instead of an apology. I've found it's been an approach that I've used, and those close to me, have used that just seems to work.

Oh ok. So just telling her "I don't want any hard feeling after what had happened yesterday", could help release the tensions (including mine).

Plus I do plan to wish her luck with her new job next week.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by HockingPastryChef

Yeah, I will think about it a little more.

I had actually talked to my mom. I do think her approach isn't bad either. Just letting it go and act all normal and positive as if nothing happened. I'm sure she spread a lot of things but if I behave normal and if someone acts funny I can always ask what's up.

If anything I can still always ask the decorator about the situation.

Wise woman, your mum.

Questionable is a polite way of saying don't do it.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Wise woman, your mum.

Questionable is a polite way of saying don't do it.

Yes she is, when my mind becomes fogged and I can't think how to handle a situation at the time being when I need time to think it through, she is the person to call.

[HockingPastryChef]

I also want to thank you both for the help and advice I had been given.