Dealing with death at my job

I work as a CNA, I 've watched more people die than I can count. Now I've provided post mortem care to more bodies than I can count. While the dead bodies don't affect me much, the dying people are taking its toll. My soul is just exhausted with the terrible decisions I'm forced to make with my dying people. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that the only option society allows is euthanasia by starvation while assisted suicide is illegal. The horrendous suffering.

I want it to happen quicker. I wet her gaping mouth, lips and tongue, so dry the wet toothette sticks to them. I know if I give her a drink, she would suck it down, it might postpone the inevitable for maybe a few minutes, but even 5 more minutes is too long. Which to grant, her last wish for a drink of water, or her last wish for deaths mercy.

As I'm walking out of the room, I see him pull his nasal cannula off and toss it onto the floor. It can't come fast enough for him either, do I stop and put it back on, or pretend I didn't see it. Just how fast will his stats drop if I keep walking? The O2 is only a "comfort" measure and he is definitely not finding comfort in it.

My heart hurts

I don't know how you do it. that sounds so hard.

Have you considered changing jobs? Work in a children's hospital for example?

Death is not pretty. Thank you for doing that job and caring!

Here is a college app go back to school! just kidding, no but that is a horrible way to feel for a career you choose!

My heart goes out to you. No one should have to make the decisions you do. Our health care system is so screwed up. You are an incredibly strong person, and I am sure you ease the suffering of many, even while you have to make choices no one should have to make. I'm sending you positive energy, and I hope it helps a little.

I cannot imagine how hard your job must be. Big hug, Cat

The state of Oregon has legalized physician-assisted suicide, a few others I believe. And, the Netherlands. There is a socio-political shift occurring and I believe it will become a more wide-spread option for a dignified and humane end of life experience.

We euthanize terminally ill animals and call that humane treatment, yet we deny humans the same right. Shameful.

Can you seek some support with therapist that specializes in end-of-life issues?

The fact that we euthanize pets but not people has been my major argument for years. I knew about Oregon, but I didn't know about the Netherlands.
I've read a lot on gerontology which has helped some. I don't have a therapist, but I just got a new Pdoc who is awesome. He takes extra time with me, gives good advice and has good tissues! Seems like I can deal if it's one at a time, but when it's multiple or a favorite.....UGH

We can't possibly thank you enough for all you do!

Wow... wanted to reiterate what others have said, that sounds so incredibly hard to deal with. Thank you for being present for these people, but... also... please do take care of yourself. It sounds really soul crushing to have to deal with.

Hugs to you...

I couldn't imagine having to see and deal with that on a daily basis. I work in a veterinary office so I've definitely seen my fair share of death. But we are lucky enough to be able to euthanize a pet once his or her quality of life becomes poor. I have seen the bad though, where people try to euthanize an animal just because they don't have any use for it anymore, or the people who let it suffer too long without treating or euthanizing. But I couldn't imagin having to watch so many suffer. But even if you don't feel strong, I believe you are VERY strong for having to go through what you do on a daily basis. Not many can do what you do. You're very much needed in our crazy world. Thank you.

When I'm on the job and someone is close to expiring I call the family look into his chart . What does he want. In my case pain-free. Gave him some every few hrs until the next morning shift he passed. I apply vit A D for dry nose and lips since cannulas dry it out

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