[princecharming]

I work in an area which requires a high degree of technical expertise. People tend to spend their entire career in this area, and training can take 18 months. For this reason, this department attracts competitive personalities, and people focus more on craft than on tact, diplomacy or respect.

When I came to the department, people commonly exhibited open hostility and behaved in condescending ways. I don’t recall having many emotional concerns before I came to this particular department, but I have since developed them.

My manager recently put me in charge of this department, a role that I have filled before. The last time I regularly handled this assignment, I had an argument with a person because I believe that they were being negligent, I said so, and they went to my boss and a district administrator and made false accusations about how I handled that situation.

There are a lot of things to do, many things to remember and watch, and on any given day 10-15 people per hour to assign tasks. We just lost 3 lead people (the position they are having me do), 2 who left the department, and 1 who stepped down reporting tension and stress as the reason.

I was in charge 2 days, and on each day I had an argument. The first one was with a superior who was being critical of my performance, and the second was with a subordinate who has a habit of interrupting to ask questions that she should be able to find the answer to herself. Just for the sake of clarity, in all of the arguments I describe, I raised my voice and took exception to their behavior but did not use name calling or profanity. These were simply heated arguments. I can be accused of being emotional, rude and possibly hurtful. The second day I told my boss that I didn’t want to be in charge anymore.

Over the years I have developed a low threshold for criticism. The lack of respect that I mentioned earlier comes from predictable people. One person is extremely powerful and intelligent. He is condescending and demanding. Another person is extremely intelligent. He is very critical of other people and often marvels at how stupid and incompetent people are. A third person is experienced and about a decade ago was in charge of the entire department. His rule was marked by heavy turnover of employees due to low morale because of outright slander and ridicule.

I have taken anger management courses. I have tried strategies of taking a break or counting to ten. Many times it works. As you can see, sometimes it doesn’t, and I end up getting upset and attacking people for what I believe to this day are valid grievances.

I’m honestly having a hard time figuring out if this is a problem of mine or if I am a product of a toxic environment.

I could stay and try to control my anger or change my delivery or expression. It’s high pressure. I find myself being unfriendly and antisocial, but not to everyone. I reserve those sentiments for people who deserve it.

My manager meets with Mr. Intelligent and Mr. Experienced fairly regularly. I find myself caught up in the work that needs to be done, and I meet with him quite a bit less often.

I suppose I could leave. There is plenty of opportunity elsewhere and it would be very easy to find a similar job with equal complexity, purpose and equal pay.

I would love to hear any strategies, advice or insights~ Thank you

[phoenix7]

It is a toxic environment - a lot of work places are - bullying goes on where I work and outright favouritism -

First decide if you want this job - I want mine - I love the work and the workplace not some of the staff

Second - this is something that I heard that is very true
you cannot change how others react to you but you can change how you react to them

Raising your voice only escalates the problem - I used to get the angry customers and phone calls and now the aggressive clients because I remain calm
(as an aside the other person looks really silly raising their voice when you are remaining calm ;-) ) oh and when I got PTSD all that went out the window and I had to re-learn those skills - I am still occasionally a time bomb but I keep trying to calm

Is the criticism valid? sometimes someone has said something and I have got angry and then I go away think about what they have said and thought...hmm.. maybe I can change that .... sometimes they are just wrong lol

are you inviting them to be part of the solution - state the problem - get their input - mirror them - ask for their agreement - ask them how to fix it

example:

wheni worked in a bank call centre as a team leader - the reps got points if a customer would let a brochure be sent out to them - there were prizes at the end of the promotion - one person consistently over achieved - so I monitored their calls - they weren't asking if they could send the forms they were just sending them

So I called them in for a chat - there was water there in case they wanted it - I said you have been doing really well getting agreement to send out brochures - broad smile from the person
so as we are allowed to for training purposes I monitored your calls to see what techniques you were using that we could then tell others to use (sheepish look from person)
however I didn't hear you ask for permision to send out the brochures - and you sent them anyway
Why do you think that is a problem?

ok long vconversation but they provided the solution for me - they would only send things if the person agreed -

I have had people getting defensive - I generally ask them why ? open ended question are always good -

A lot of the time its about communication styles

Once you raise your voice and bite back- really I consider it lost -a shouting match gets you nowhere and just makes more angst remaining calm is the thing to do

Meditation - writing down I will be calm today morning and night 10 times -
take a deep breath - say you need to think on what they have said and end the conversation

maybe you need to involve a higher up Manager if you are getting nowhere with the person - just as a sit in and to help maintain reason - if they are reasonable (and as a witness)

Thnk about how you deliver the news - are you being attacking in the first place? can it be felt as being attacked - sometimes its just the words used that cause the problem - for instance never ever tell a person to "calm down" its like a red rag to a bull

A visitor was shouting at a nurse I was working with and he asked me to intervene - which I did as soon as I heard it - I asked the person why they were angry - let them vent - then explained the Nurses point of view and legal requirement - then offered a compromise

I say to myself I will not rise to the bait - and mostly I don't

have to go break over - good luck and PM me if I can help

oh something that I didn't think would help but did was hypnotherapy from the Internet - you have to find the right voice and the right file - I found mine - helped me a lot - listened every night before bed and I think it is working - even managed to smile at my boss rather than look at her and wish she would ...emm....... go home ;-)

[hvert]

From everything you wrote, this sounds like a problem with the place.

... lost 3 people in the role...
... false accusation against you...
... attracts people who care more about craft than manners...

I would continue to mind my own temper, treat everyone pleasantly (even the rude ones), and perhaps look for a position elsewhere with a less toxic culture. Do you know if the people who left have found better jobs elsewhere?

[IceCreamKid]

[QUOTE=princecharming;4994761]I work in an area which requires a high degree of technical expertise. People tend to spend their entire career in this area, and training can take 18 months. For this reason, this department attracts competitive personalities, and people focus more on craft than on tact, diplomacy or respect. ...
I was in charge 2 days, and on each day I had an argument. The first one was with a superior who was being critical of my performance, and the second was with a subordinate who has a habit of interrupting to ask questions that she should be able to find the answer to herself. Just for the sake of clarity, in all of the arguments I describe, I raised my voice and took exception to their behavior but did not use name calling or profanity. These were simply heated arguments.

I think you might want to find another job in a place with better management. However the constant is going to be you. You were in charge and argued up and down the ladder. Why? In the first instance when a 'superior' criticizes your performance, the best thing to do is listen. You don't have to agree; but since there may be valuable information in what the person is saying, you should first listen.

In the second instance, you have criticized a 'subordinate' for not doing things in a manner you approve. Certainly you could ask her not to interrupt. But the questions she is asking may be a way of her thinking aloud.

I'd do a couple of things. I'd seek out ways to improve my communication skills, and I'd seek a job at a place that doesn't encourage (through omission or commission) hateful, elitist, arrogant, argumentative, rude behavior on the job. I hope this helps.

[Mrs. Mania]

Ugh! I can soooo relate. I work with super neglectful workers who I believe are horrible to the patients. I took it to my boss who I caught lying to protect the offenders , I called her out with proof and she was shocked to say the least. I've also reported to State several times and only once was the facility fined. Last week the most ignorant person I work with ( I'm not exaggerating, she can't even count) yelled at me at the in front of everyone at the nurses station over something she claimed I didn't do even though I had. I lost it, yelling, attacking, dropping f-bombs, TOTALLY unprofessional! If I wasn't such a good worker I would have been fired for sure. I apologized for my behavior to everyone but the Ignoramus . I have continued to ignore and mad dog her at every turn. I just can't let this go without an apology no matter how tense it is for everyone else. I can't be the bigger person on this one. Good luck with your situation, work sucks

[phoenix7]

I think also conflict resolution may be a good thing to study - hugs

Hows things going?

[princecharming]

I appreciate all of the feedback and advice. I haven’t been in charge since the last time. I haven’t had any arguments or event felt angry since then.

It’s always good to get the input from people who are not directly involved to have an idea of whether what I am experiencing is just a subjective complaint or a legitimate problem.

Management is working to redesign the position, and in the interim the people assigned to that role seem to handle some of the more groundless criticisms without getting upset.

There are many ways out of this position and into other positions. I always like to keep my options open and may elect to advance. This kind of transition, however, takes time to plan and execute.

Meanwhile, I am embracing the more technical facets of my work.
Perhaps I simply lack the emotional fortitude for the political climate of management.

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by princecharming

There are many ways out of this position and into other positions. I always like to keep my options open and may elect to advance. This kind of transition, however, takes time to plan and execute.

always good to keep your options open

Meanwhile, I am embracing the more technical facets of my work.
Perhaps I simply lack the emotional fortitude for the political climate of management.

it is difficult to manage people - you need different approaches for different people but all that can be learned if its something you want to do - I have done that in the past in several positions - it can be good and it can be painful - I hope you do what you enjoy and I have the feeling you can do anything you put your mind to

take care and stay well

P7