[dwr3]

So, after a long period of being unemployed due to lack of jobs in my area, I finally started a new job. It's huge warehouse with clothing, over a thousand people working there. I pack stuff which is a pretty monotone and complicated work at times. The enviroment is very stressful for me because of the number of people working there and the noise. We work morning shifts a lot, which means I often have to get up at three o clock at night to get there for my shift because the place is far away from my hometown. I kind of manage standing for eight hours straight, which suprises me because my ilnesses make it sometimes hard to take physical activitiy (i have congenital hypothyroidism and adrenal hyperplasia and endometriosis).

I managed to get along with other people at the beginning of work because we were all new and stressed, but now everyone picked their people and mostly they get along with others by talking of other people. I know I seem hostile to others because I barely make any facial expressions and my voice is pretty monotone and I just cannot act spontaneous and sometimes say weird stuff as I cannot stand small talk so i quickly became isolated. I'm derealized most of the time due to all these enviromental stimulus. The lack of being spontaneous causes me a lot of stress and the past strong bullying experiences made me extremely self conscious and socially phobic. I wish i could just talk pleasantly to others and joke, but I'm just not this kind of person and others take me for odd (they just talk to me when they need information because I'm very well informed). I'd give anything to work on my own, away from others.

It's not easier due to the fact that my grandmother passed away yesterday and i was at work while everyone was saying goodbye to her. I isolate myself even more from others and even my family members such as my other grandmother were like "You don't even seem to bother" which hurt me. But I just don't want to get along with others in this moment, don't want to feel their emotions and I just want to be left alone. I proccess it my own way.

[sans]

Dear dwr3
I'm sorry about your grandmother passing. People can always assume whatever they want, but a truly wise person knows that outer appearances aren't what they seem.
People have different ways of handling grief. I prefer to remember the person with my memories of them. I think the process of 'saying goodbye' to someone after they pass over is different for each of us. I can say goodbye from wherever I choose because they are no longer in that body. I believe they can hear our goodbyes through our spirit.
I give you much respect for doing this difficult job. I have quit easier tasks. Making friends is very difficult for me on jobs. I always see people group up. I'm always the solo one. To be honest, I prefer that at this point. I usually am not interested in people who talk nonstop about any and everything. I despise gossip, and I kinda enjoy being able to do what I need without having to consult another.
So maybe you can look at the perks of hanging alone for awhile. I can see myself in your description of yourself. I guess I'd say if you really want a work buddy, force some smiles when you make eye contact and say hello to people. That lets them know you are friendly. Take a little step each day toward socializing. 'Hello how are you?' Or similar greeting can start a conversation. If we wait for others to take the first step, it may be ages.
Best of luck on your work. Keep me posted!

[dwr3]

Well, I feel very much threatened by people and it's almost impossible for me to feel comfortable around them. I know I am a target for bullies because of this. I am this way since I was a kid and it never changed. Other people always seemed to have a problem with me because of this or because of that and I was really unaccepted throughout my life. Even on the beginning of this year I was verbally and physically attacked by one drunk girl that knew me only based on what she heard about me and told me everyone hates me and that I'm acting posh and I should die. I again became totally uneasy after that and very self-conscious too. We have a few bully type of people here who piss others off, but I cannot say for now that they said or did something insulting towards me aparts from laughing that I seem extremely hyperfocused working (also apart from one comment I've heard in the bus - because they are backstabbing others a lot on the way back from work, but I'm not 100% sure it was about me). There are also people of other nationalities that I really want to be welcoming towards, but it doesn't really work cause I sound even more stressed out. There are situations like this boy saying "hi" to me every five minutes and asking some silly questions (he doesn't speak my language) and I'm not sure if he's making fun of me or whatever his intentions are and it's pretty weird that I cannot deal with such stuff. Once a woman brought me a cup and poured me some water and I thank her but in a minute was like "waaait, why did she do that? maybe she spat in it or something? maybe she hates me?". It sounds paranoid as hell. I seem to lack any basic understanding of human interactions while dealing with them (which kind of runs in family as I have many autistic, socially isolated and misunderstood people in it)