[Sunlaien]

I have been living with mental health diagnoses for most of my life. My earliest memory of meeting with a professional was when I was maybe 5 or 6. At the time, they diagnosed me with aspergers. I've since seen many professionals and have been to countless forms of therapy. I've had diagnoses of depression and anxiety primarily but most recently have been indicated to have traits of bi-polar disorder and PTSD.

As I near my 30's, I feel like I've really come to terms with my own demons. I know how to read myself and I know what my triggers are. I feel stable, but what my stable looks like isn't what an average person might call stable. There are days I just don't want to work. There are days I can't fall asleep. There are days I feel incredibly anxious and have a panic attack for no clear reason.

Recently, I took on a new job and my husband and I moved, so I've had a lot of stress. Ironically, I do work as a mental health professional for youth with disabilities. It is incredibly therapeutic for me working in this job, but there are days my own self-care takes the front seat. I maybe call in sick once or twice a month. And, other months, not at all. I never use more leave than I have. I have never taken leave without pay. My leave balances stay low, but they're always above 0.

However, my boss has started to notice this and has warned me I cannot take any more time off or I will be reprimanded. The frustrating part is that I have an excellent caseload. I am within all guidelines for my job and exceeding in many areas. Despite being out a few days a month, I am one of the top counselors and have no complaints from my clients or their families.

Anyhow--- I haven't called in for about 3 months now and I can feel it taking its toll. My anxiety has really sky rocketed. I've become more depressed. I just feel worn down. Exhausted. Even though I've been able to work every day, it has really caused me some trouble.

So, I consider now whether I need to disclose. And what that would look like. Its funny because I talk to my clients all the time about disclosing and how to do it, but its harder as a professional in this field. My coworkers always talk about their clients like they're foreign. I, on the other hand, can relate so much more to these clients than I do many of my peers. When they tell me about their symptoms, I understand. Maybe not exactly, but I can empathize at a much deeper level.

Another coworker disclosed and has been branded as unreliable. I actually disclosed privately to a coworker of mine and she was shocked. Said she had no clue. Part of me feels weak admitting this and then asking for special treatment, such as consideration for my sick day use, but another part of me knows I can't keep doing this. I love my job, I just need to take breaks every once in awhile.

Thoughts? Feedback? Needing support on this one! Once I disclose there isn't any going back. And I feel silly because I've been here for 3 years now and it will look out of place. But, I've only had my own case load for 1 year. I am so burned out just from these last few months I've actually considered quitting my job. But I know its not my job-- its just the strain without release. When I was able to take some time off, I could recharge and be ready for the challenges.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Sunlaien: I don't know about this. I'm an older person. And it's been quite a few years since I was out in the world of work. One thing to check on here is, as I recall, under ADA since you did not disclose your disability at the time you were hired your employer may not be required to provide reasonable accommodation. At least that's the way it used to be, as I recall.

Assuming that is the case then, if you do disclose at this point, you may not be able to fall back on ADA for protection if your employer decides to take action against you as they have already threatened to do. Beyond that, you know what the dynamics of disclosing at this point in time are going to be. On the other hand, if you're burned out, you're burned out & continuing to go on as you have been may simply not be realistic.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

[misscath007]

If it were me I would not disclose. I have never done it in any of my jobs in the past. I have heard too many stories about employers finding a way to fire you. Is it possible for you to work part time? Or maybe use FMLA.

[eyesclosed]

I don't understand your supervisor my feeling is he thinks your playing the system. You have time available ask for accommodations if it doesn't cost them money if they didn't agree it would be discrimination.There is always the chance of retaliation by them. They don't to lose a good employee. I would first talk to him to see if he thinks your playing the system.

[seesaw]

Can you request a vacation day off?

I have disclosed to work, so when I call in sick (which isn't often), I don't worry about it. I also work 60+ hours a week, so I don't give a crap. All my work gets done, and I"m meeting my revenue goals. So they can suck it. Lol.

Disclosing can work for you or against you. I think if you do it properly, very formally and business-like, and also approach your illness and need for time off very formally and business-like, and not like asking for a favor or anything, it can be done in a way that doesn't hurt you. I find that a lot of people do it like they are asking for a favor. But it sounds like you are an upstanding and productive employee. Work has to make a reasonable accommodation, and it does not sound like using your sick time is unreasonable. That's why it's there.

Get a note from your pdoc or T if necessary that says from time to time you may use accrued sick leave due to your disorder.

I would disclose if I were you. But do it very formally and with a well written letter. And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Good luck,
seesaw

[Sunlaien]

Thanks for all the replies. Disclosure can occur at any time. For example, someone with diabetes may be managing it for the first 5 years of employment but then it worsens. Same concept with mental illness. I have had to counsel kiddos on disclosing a few months in to a job when they weren't able to maintain without accommodations.

However I do definitely fear the backlash. I think I will have more success just being honest without disclosing. My boss approves my time off but threatens me each time to reprimand me. So-- I can handle it professionally without disclosing by just addressing that aspect of it. Either reprimand me and document it or don't. I actually took this afternoon off. My grandfather is in the hospital-- has been for a few day- and it's just worn me down mentally. So I requested time and got it. But also got a notice I had a meeting with my boss as soon as I come back in.

I think she is just worried about me- but it's also not right to make threats of disciplinary action. Either officially write me up or don't.

For the last 6 months my boss told me I'm not allowed to take my time. And to stop asking. So I did. Until today. Well see what my meeting looks like when I go back in! Fingers crossed.