On disability since 2011

Hi,
I've been on disability because of fibromyalgia and Bipolar disorder (type I) with psychosis symptoms when in mania. I had tried to go back to school but could not continue due to the increase of my symptoms. Volunteered for a few months and crashed, so I had to interrupt. Volunteered for a few days and was in pain for 3 days after each session. I don't have much confidence anymore and I have high anxiety towards life in general. Also, it's like if I'm not interested in anything anymore. After my last hospitalisation I discovered that I was in psychosis for so many years without knowing it because I still had a contact with reality at the same time. Recently, Latuda made me come back to the ground with reality being so plain and boring and dull. I'm 49 y/o, single and not too many friends left since I stopped working.I can't consider the rest of my life being what it is. I've contemplated suicide since I was 3 y/o and my psychiatrist is aware of this. I know that it is uncommon but it is the truth. I get discouraged about the slightest obstacle and give up easily. I tried to find hobbies and it doesn't last. I feel that the rest of my life will be endless condidering my age. If i would attempt to go back to work and be part of the society, I would lose my disability benefits and would make things even worse.
* My question : Is anyone going through the same thing. If so, I would like to know, how do you cope with life and what is working for you.
Thank you.

I'm the same as you. 54, been on SSDI 14 years. Finally found med that lifts depression but causes agitation and insomnia. Still looking for professional help with other problems.

Well I'm on SSDI and work part-time, I'm allowed to work and not lose my benefits. But I'm limited in what I can earn. Thought I was cured and went off disability but I've been on it for the most part since 2008. Off 2014 to 2017. Now I'm on again, learned a hard lesson about trying to live in the adult world as an adult. I am disabled, have to account for that.

Thank you for your reply, I hope you will find the proper help for all medical issues. With time, I have noticed that to be taken seriously by health professionals, we have to know how to knock at many doors before we are finally refered to the right person. Hang in there and take care.

Thank you for your reply. Even if I'm not cured, I sometimes project myself (imaginary) to go back to work. Accepting medical issues is not easy. We all want to be part of the society but your advice is sound. Picking up the pieces after the last two hospitalisation. I see you also take Latuda. What is your review of this new medication, are you pleased with its action ?
Thanks again and take care.