I Dread Work... I Miss my Former Life

It's not a lack of connection or interest. It's a poor memory at play. I've had a poor memory for years.

Thanks, same with me. I take notes on everything.... absolutely everything. It's the only way for me to remember or learn. It could be the meds..... I am sure that's a part of it.

Oh I see. I know mine got way worse over the years. I have a calendar at home and calendar at work and a calendar in my purse. My husband carries notebook in his work bag and pulls it out when needs it.

Yeah, like I was saying to Seesaw, I have to take notes on everything, every meeting, everything.

When I went back to acting a few years ago, it was so much harder to remember lines. I missed my window of opportunity to pursue my career passion.

I don't even know what my dream job would be. I would rather win the lottery.

There are community amateur theaters in every bigger area. They are fun. You can pursue that as a hobby. But I can relate to not being able to memorize lines. I have a mumbo jumbo of languages in my head in addition to everything lol

I just read a post on here about trusting your gut.....

My gut is telling me that I will fail in this job, that I will get fired, and that it will be disastrous. OR maybe that's my fears, perhaps I cannot tell the difference.

But right now, we also all have to get certified in Google Analytics. I am horrible at remembering things, and I don't pass tests easily. I worry I will fail the test when we have to take it. I will have to do extra studying on my own time.

I am practically in a panic right now. This morning I also have to hand in my 30-60-90 day strategy plan to my boss for a client. I am so scared that he will think it's not good.... that he will question me on my tactics, and that it's not advanced enough.

I am not in a good place about work. This is the worst feeling in the world. I have never had my confidence rocked SO much, except perhaps during intensive interview processes.

I wish I could turn back the clock and I wish I had declined this job. I could have made it by on the one part time job, if only I had held out and found another part time role.

My heart is palpitating.

Fight or flight is kicking in . I'm not sure if that's a gut feeling that should be trusted . Your panicking , living out the failure even though it hasn't happened . It may be that you don't measure up . There will no shame in that if it comes to that , as long as you believe you have given it a good effort . Hand in the strategy . See what they think .

Gut feeling is something to trust in relationships IMHO not at work. I have a colleague who is excellent at her job yet she has no confidence and thinks she’ll be fired all the time. She sure shouldn’t listen to her gut feelings.

I think at work you should listen to voice of reason and logic, not how you feel. Give it a good try. Do your very best, listen to critisism, try to improve. Well if it proves that this job isn’t for you, then it’s not the end of the world either. Just means something else will have to happen.

Don’t think of part time jobs. In the US you need health insurance and unless you are well off and can buy one, you simply must have full time job.

Stay focused on the task and on what’s happening in reality. Not on what you feel. It will work out.

When you panic , you have to have a strategy out of that place . Only focus on what you need to achieve next . Don't lump all your future tasks in to one giant ball hanging over your head . Just focus on the next task .....then...only concentrate on your 50% . Decide what confronts you . What can you influence ? , what is out of your control ? Only focus on what you can influence ..your 50% .
When you direct your mind in a constructive manner and take away all the white noise , you can achieve most things .

When you started this job, did you ask what their 30-60-90 day expectations were for your work? If you know what those expectations are, can you then discuss with your boss where you may need help or additional training?

Look, the fact is that you are not in a position to just walk away from this job at the moment. So you have to figure out a way to cope. You are a Sr. Strategist, is there a way to enlist the support of one of the junior analysts who understands the tech side more?

You said you feel awkward coaching the jr strategists because they know more. But you aren't mentoring them because you know everything and they don't. You're mentoring them because you've been in the field longer and you know how things work, with clients, trends, etc. You have experience that they don't. Mentoring isn't about knowledge. I have a business mentor and I know WAY more about my field than she does. But she knows business.

I feel like you are having a lot of automatic negative thoughts and need to practice redirecting your ANTs to the facts, which will tell you something different than what you are thinking.

Seesaw

My cousin is a high achiever who completed everything severely stressed out and hysterical. That is her perfectionist personality. Perhaps you are a bit like her? Are you beating yourself up, but then you will do your job beautifully?

At the high stress sales job I have now, which I haven’t done squat for months in during my divorce, I encountered a new physical reaction to the stress that goes across my back...really scary. And from a dumb volunteer leadership position I took several years ago, I developed IBS from the stress of these horrid women I had to deal with, and my gut has not been the same.

Do you get physical illness from the stress?

What if you do crash and burn at this job and get fired? What is the worst that can happen?

Thank u all! Everyone has had great input and advice!! I have to be short right now since I’m on lunch break but I will keep all advice in mind today! Will respond more after I get home tonight!

Hang in there.

Frankly fear of become dependent would be a great motivation for me. You were dependent on your parents for way too long. You are now independent. If you become dependent again, who would that be: a boyfriend? It will be worse than depending on your parents.

Now it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep your resume updated and keep your eyes peeled if something else comes up. But quitting and not working or working part time really shouldn’t even be an option. Paycheck and benefits are usually strong motivators to keep trying

Yes... they are motivators alright. I'm actually far too tired and upset to respond much now...... I had a terrible day and feel awful about myself & about my abilities in this job.

Just want to thank everyone for your support, & you too, Divine.

Hang in there. There is nothing that can’t be fixed. Everything eventually works out the way it’s suposed to. Have a plan B just in case.

Ok, so here's what I couldn't write or say yesterday...

I not only have to learn several technical tools, I also have to learn advanced Excel and Powerpoint, and advanced reporting and advanced strategies. I am in over my head and feel totally overwhelmed.

I want to quit and cannot. I cannot return to my old job. I also cannot look for a new job. I am totally stuck.

The good news? My boss liked and approved of my strategies yesterday, so there's that at least.

Thinking of you, Eve.

I also get panic attacks at work, for various reasons. It's why I came to PC. I've been holding back from replying, because in a way I'm the worst person to offer advice.

But I really do empathise!

I'm job hunting at the moment, and it has really helped in my current work situation. I don't feel so trapped.

I agree with others that you can clearly do this job, and a few months down the line will have learned everything you need to know.

Maybe your gut is telling you to remember that you are a free person. You're not in prison, or enslaved by some terrible system.

Just wanted to give a slightly different view, that your panic might respond to.

You've been job hunting recently, so it shouldn't take much to switch those alerts back on etc for a more junior full-time position. Being employed at this company will look great on your CV!

Thank you so much, Purple.

I have to stay in this job for at least one year for my resume, so in that sense, I am stuck. I imagine by then I will be in a far better place than I am now..... it's hard to see right now, but a year in a role cannot but give one experience and skills that are missing or needed.

For now, I am in survival mode.... I have to keep doing a good job on what I'm handing in, and learn as much as I can along the way.

I may even leak out to my boss in our 1:1 meeting this week about what I need to learn and where I am at. I am thinking this may help to make things more transparent and perhaps ease my own anxieties? I don't know.

I know your work situation, and I know you're looking, so I wish you all the best in your job hunt!!!! HUGS!

So , today the challenge was to submit a strategy for approval . The strategy was well received . In the Southern Hemisphere we call that a successful day . A day to feel proud of .
I'm sure your right in the fact that there will be further challenges as there always will be , but there will be time to grapple with them .

Quite often things that improve us , hurt quite a bit till we rise to that level . We have doubts we can get to that speed , but normally after 90 days things get easier . Give it 12 weeks , believe in yourself , that doesn't mean just being crazy optimistic , but just believe in yourself . Even in the unlikely scenario that you don't reach the required level , the experience will improve you .

Okay, I'm going to be straight with you: no matter what field you are in there will always be new tools/software that you have to learn to use. If you work in digital marketing, I cannot imagine that advanced excel and powerpoint will be difficult to learn.

I really think you are allowing what would be minor discomfort with not knowing certain things to become all-encompassing. Just tell your boss, I would love some more training on these subjects/tools. I am somewhat familiar but did not have to use them so in-depth in my last position. Do you have any resources you can recommend?

A good boss will be happy you want to be competant at your job and want you to have what you need to succeed.

I think you are working yourself up about this. Take some deep breaths. Redirect the automatic negative thoughts.

Focus on this: from what you've said, it appears you are in a workplace that values you, WANTS you, and is happy to have you on board. They are happy with the work you are producing and supportive.

Deep breaths. I'm not trying to force you to stay in something you don't like, but I also think that you are deciding you don't like it based on a reaction and these cognitive distortions.

Seesaw

Seesaw, respectfully I disagree but I thank u for your input. It IS very overwhelming with ALL I have to learn. I am way far in over my head. Technical tools, excel and PowerPoint, google analytics certification, in depth reporting.. it’s all stuff I need to learn. It is not cognitive distortion- I am far behind my colleagues in ALL of these areas. Please anyone do not belittle my feelings or state of being completely overwhelmed. I am not up to this.

Thank you! I will try. All I have now is my intelligence.

Big hugs, Eve

As Archie suggested, maybe agree with yourself that you'll take longer than others might to learn these applications.

If you had all the time in the world, you know you could get the hang of them.

It seems the desire to learn it all quickly is adding to the stress.