I Dread Work... I Miss my Former Life

I wasn't trying to belittle your feelings. I was telling you what I am seeing based on all of your posts. This is my observation. It is not intended to belittle you. I am sorry you took it that way.

((((((( eve )))))))

I’ve also had panic attacks at work. It’s obviously nothing to do with intelligence, it’s anxiety, a clinical condition. (Some doctors in this forest are too stupid to realise that..) Some jerk even called me... no I won’t go there because of my panic attacks. I’m not stupid! I usually don’t reply to these threads but I empathise

Thank you so much everyone. Looks like I’m talking to HR tomorrow. She asked me today if I’m ok and I almost burst into tears. Not sure what I am going to tell her exactly or what will come of it. I’ll probably be honest, yet I am not sure what that honesty will entail. I am nervous to talk to her, but she knew something was wrong.

So I am supposed to talk to HR today, but I have no clue what to say. I don't want to tell her that I think the role is beyond me, even though I believe that it is.

She knew I was upset yesterday...... she could read my face, which is always very telling.

So what do I tell her?

I am thinking I will say something along the lines of: I believe I need to grow into this role.... that the technical aspects are not exactly my forte, that I have some learning to do in terms of the tools we use, Google Analytics, and the reporting, but that I am more than willing and happy to learn on my own as well, on my own time.

I may even tell her that I am being treated for certain health conditions and that the meds slow me down a little bit, that I can learn new things, but that it may take me longer than the average person. ? I don't know.

Time to shower and get to work. Once again, I am dreading this day.

Were you told to go talk to HR? Why? HR isn’t always concerned about your interests, their goal is often to make sure business runs smoothly regardless of your issues. I’d talk to my direct supervisor. Whoever is directly above me and ask them for help in finding training in specific technical aspects.

I’d not be telling anyone about meds or that they slow you down. Unless of course they threaten to fire you and you believe you just need more time. Otherwise I’d not disclose health conditions

I wasn't told to talk to HR. She came over to me yesterday and noticed that I wasn't OK. I was about to burst into tears.

I am thinking I will say something along the lines of: I believe I need to grow into this role.... that the technical aspects are not exactly my forte, that I have some learning to do in terms of the tools we use, Google Analytics, and the reporting, but that I am more than willing and happy to learn on my own as well, on my own time.

I would agree that HR's first priority is the company not the employee. Having said that ..if you stick to your above quote , then you are offering to do everything humanly possible to be a success . You can't do more than that . Those are great words .

I would just leave it that you are a little fatigued with the transition back to working full-time in an office and also just getting up to speed on everything going on with the position. That you want to do the very best job you can and with the transition, you feel a little behind but you're doing your best to catch up. And that is just got to you a little bit yesterday.

I would leave it at that. I would not disclose any health conditions or medications unless you intend to ask for a reasonable accommodation. Disclosing health conditions is VERY risky. HR is not there for you. They are there to protect the company. The information will very much be used against you. I can almost guarantee it.

I think chalking up your "face" from yesterday to fatigue from the transition and onboarding as fast as possible would probably smooth it over.

I hope it goes well.

Seesaw

Thinking of you, Eve.

So sorry you're going through this.

Remember, it is just a job.

It's not worth killing yourself over!

I tell myself this most days, and it's true.

Through all the work related issues I've had, I've never contacted HR; for the reasons the others gave. But I actually do think it would be possible to mention the meds. You wouldn't have to into detail. Just say you're taking something for anxiety at the moment, due to series of stressful life events.

I think it could buy you the time and elbow room you need.

The truth is very powerful.

I agree with what's said above about HR's interests. Someone once told me, "HR is NOT your friend. They can seem all warm and fuzzy, but don't mistake that for sympathy/empathy. Been there, done that. Disclosing is a big boo-boo.

Oh wow, I'm sorry, but I disagree with this so badly. Do not tell them you're taking anything for anxiety. They will absolutely use that against you. I have seen it happen. Not just to myself, but to others. When you want to disclose a disabling condition, there's a proper, formal way to do it so that they know they are on notice and not to abuse you over it. You mention it without preparing yourself, you're setting yourself up for an HR ****.

Sorry, I've been there and done that. And seen many others on this very forum have the same problem. They thought to disclose would help, and it only got worse, because it was another way for the company to abuse them or use against them.

Seesaw

Seesaw and Snarky seem very sure about this one, Eve.

I laughed when I saw "Snarky"!

Sparky was my little Yorkie...he was very smart, and I miss him like crazy.

I worked for a hospital where disclosure was required, so I put something like, "Bipolar disorder, under appropriate medical care." I also had to list medications. This wasn't a violation because I had already accepted the job, so the offer wasn't contingent on my answers. Nobody mentioned a thing. Four years later, I had a total meltdown at work. I mean...it was awful. I still blush. Anyway, it was kind of a good thing that I had mentioned it on my initial paperwork because they couldn't claim I had withheld the information. But...going to HR and crying...telling HR that I took something for anxiety? Oh no. Ba-a-a-a-a-d idea.

In the end I was laid off (but lots of others were, too, in a "workforce reduction"). I probably had grounds to fight it but, ya know, what's the point? I just forgot it and retired. Then I took a part-time job. Gotta keep busy, ya know.

Oh...and the person who laid me off then got fired. Who says there's no justice?

I would not tell them anything about your mental health issues. Learn what you need to learn. Just get a little better everyday. It seems they have a favorable opinion of you. Right now believe you are in the right place. If your boss asks what help you might need, couch it carefully. I would tell them only that you need to brush up on aspects of your job.

((((((((( Eve )))))))

I agree, I just wrote in another post how the truth, our truth, is very powerful.

I almost always agree with purple. But I find the older I get the less certain I am that my opinions are The Truth

It would be nice to be so sure that ones opinions are always The Truth

I haven’t read all the posts in this thread

I’ve never told any work place that I have anxiety... but often people have mentioned it anyway, and not always in a kind way

Stigma SUCKS

It’s a job... some jobs SUCK

Definitely not worth killing yourself over

(Sorry if any of this message is confusing, I’m in a hurry ... I’m “busy” - that’s the truth )

((((((( Purple )))))))

If people can’t say they are taking something for anxiety at the moment due to a series of stressful life events, then .... just ugh at the job and all the smart *** people who are so quick to judge

Having said that I’ve told very few people and their reactions were as expected from people who think they are “normal”

Normal bores me...

Gah. Could be so. Reminds me of doctors in this forest. They can be civil and even appear all warm and fuzzy so long as they are sure the “patient” has the simplest of issues and will gladly be fobbed off (I’m talking about mh issues here, and not in the USA)

And yes I know I’ve probably contradicted myself. They were just my thoughts,

I’m a bear

Fuzzy I wish I did not have to believe that but there is such stigma and the,workplace is such that colleagues look for the weak link or someone to blame when things don't go as,planned. It's,a Doggett dog world in many work environments.

Ugh... yes. Probably so, it’s sad

I do think there are SOME “caring” people in some work places though...

I have several coworkers who are on all kind of meds. They are very vocal about and no one really cares. But they are not requesting lenience, they just the type to talk about themselves.

If you request accommodations due to disability per ADA, then I think you should tell HR. Other than that, there is no need.

I really don’t think anyone needs to answer question why they look upset. If it messes with your job performance maybe yes, but other than that people could look upset due to migraine or upset stomach or car broke down. I am a private person at work, unless they are my friends. No way I’d tell anyone anything about stressing out etc

I was just confused you said you “supposed” to talk to HR. So I thought she told you to come see her. Unless they are formally set up appointment with you, I’d not be talking to them. I’d just say I wasn’t feeling well. End of story.

Oh wow! Lots of great replies and discussion here! Thank u all so much. HUGS TO ALL.

So I did talk to HR. I did not disclose any mental health conditions or my anxiety. I agree with everyone who says this can backfire. I did say that technical is not my forte etc and most of what I had planned on saying minus that I feel I need to grow into the role. They are assuming (I think) that I know a lot more than I do. I still feel inadequate and undeserving but of course I didn’t let on to HR how I’m feeling.

I do worry once they learn that I’m not truly a senior above the rest that I will be let go. Or maybe I truly can grow into the role with extra work on my part after hours. I don’t know??

I’m still terrified. Talking to HR didn’t help much except to learn that they have great faith in me for some reason. They wanted me there for a reason. HR did say they want someone who approaches things differently. I may be too simplistic in my approach and I have much to learn still, but maybe, just maybe, I will make it there. Tomorrow may be a different story though!

And... my 90 day strategy got a big kudos from my boss to the CEO. Oh man. I just don’t know now. All I know is I gotta study study study!

Believe in yourself. It seems like they do. Maybe allow yourself to believe in your capabilities too.

I'm glad it went well.

Thanks, Seesaw! My parents just said the same exact things to me. Just got a huge pep talk from them just now, which helped a LOT. Plus all the help here has been invaluable. Thank you, Seesaw, and to everyone....

And tomorrow I am sure will be another story of woes to tell.....

Change that thinking Eve! Tomorrow may just go great 👍