I'm too Rigid and Idealistic

My mother pointed out to me that I am "rigid" with my ideals about how work "should be". She's probably right, which I hate to admit.

I am stuck on something and cannot seem to get it out of my head and am very upset over it.

My boss pulled a 180-degree switcheroo on me.

He told me I would be relieved of this very difficult client last week, who has been overworking me when I'm already full with clients.

But then, my boss added another project to my plate for them, and then he informs me Friday that he wants me to work with them for THREE more weeks, doing TWO more projects for them. He claims "it's because you did such a great job on the last project". He also promised that this client would be passed over to my colleague and a new guy who starts on Monday.

That colleague doesn't have enough work to do right now, which is what my boss told me directly. My boss also is FULLY aware that my plate is currently overloaded with TOO much work. He even said in front of my whole dept in our meeting, "she has her back against the wall".

So why am I rigid? I am peeved that I am being overworked, and that my colleague doesn't have enough to do. I am peeved that my boss told me one thing, then does another (ie, this client would be off my plate last week and now it's three weeks). I am pissed that things are not evenly or fairly distributed between us. I am pissed that my boss basically kind of lied to me.

I'm idealistic because I expect things to be fair and different than they are.

I used to think my boss was "so great" and now I don't. I feel he has lied to me and misled me, dangling a carrot of hope in front of me, only to leave me feeling deflated and pissed.

My morale is now low because of it. I don't like the way my company runs things. It seems very disorganized, haphazard and just plain wrong.

So, yeah, I am rigid with my ideals of how a workplace should be. And I suffer as a result.

In a most respectful and loving way I have to agree with your mother a bit. You do often complain and get very upset (pretty much devastated) over work issues that most professionals deal with every single day and it’s nothing really to write home about. There are no perfect work places out there. Your expectations of how work place should be are somewhat rigid and idealistic.

Saying that it’s maybe just how you are as a person. It’s just what it is. My husband tends to get flustered over same things at work that he knows are just how things are. My friend at work does it too.

Some anxiety or OCD issues might be playing a role here. Have you talked to your therapist about it?

Hm. I have talked to my therapist about my work issues quite a bit. I will bring it to her though and will ask what she thinks.

I do have a pretty deep and bad anxiety issue, so that could be playing a role. I don't have OCD.

I have been badly abused by 5 past bosses, so that could be playing a role too. I have PTSD as well.

it is work.
your idea of overworked and what you can manage may not be the same as what your manager may have. he may feel that because your performance was good on another project that you can manage the ones he is handing you. it could be the other employees have similar projects that you are unaware of. either way it is work and as a manager it is his prerogative to had out projects to those employees who he feels can perform the best and complete them with the best outcome for the company.

I doubt he is abusing you, he is doing what a manager does...making sure the company performs to the best of it's ability..because in the end that is what matters..that the company is successful.

what you consider fair and equal is one thing....but that is not what is important in the company's eyes. i'm sorry to say that. you might have a better skill set then the other employees and the supervisor recognizes that.

you can say something to him, without using the "abusing" word because it doesn't sound like abuse to be honest. it sounds like just regular business management. but be prepared for him to not give you the answer you want or need. you fill a role in the company.

good luck I hope things settle

I don't know if mentally comparing to your colleague's lack of work is conducive to being able to focus on your own role. I mean, sometimes it's those that aren't capable of doing more that get overlooked in times of promotions etc etc. You do more because you've displayed that you can. Granted organizations are only as strong as their weakest link, but without stronger links in there, the chain cannot sustain itself. I know it's an analogy but it gets me beyond the defeating comparison self talk. And it helps curb bitterness. It's on my mind, personally, as I've had a colleague not once but twice in several months assume that I cannot possibly be "happy" in my position. It's not about happiness for me and perhaps a bit of projection on her part but bitter isn't where I am at though I could be. I digress. I just picked up on the mindset.

Thank you for your thoughts. This helps me.

And no, I am definitely not being abused in my current job. I only just mentioned it since I may be getting a little triggered? That's possible.

You could be right though. I have been trying to think of things from my boss's perspective. They fill the gaps in where there's a need. And yes, keeping a client is most important to them. Perhaps my boss values my work and just wants to keep the client happy.

You've given me some good food for thought, so I thank you.

Thank you for your reply.

If I follow you correctly, I think you're saying don't focus so much of my colleague's lack of work because it distracts me from focusing on my own? Is that right?

I will definitely focus on my own work... I was just worked up over the lack of equal distribution of work that will continue for several more weeks. My boss knows how stressed I've been over being overloaded, so I was upset that he is allowing it to continue, especially since he told me my co-worker needs more work to do.

Yes. Just focus on you.
I know in management, it's a fine line in trying to get everyone up to potential or to be team players. Let him deal with her. Even if it's not at the pace you'd like. Kinda like support groups, where we're all at different stages of our journey and need to exercise patience ir what have you.

Go have yourself a Monday...

Your boss shouldn’t really tell you what your co worker needs or doesn’t need to do. It’s bad practice.

I’d not worry about other people at work, just do your job the best you can and don’t sweat small stuff.

I’d also be careful about complaining about being overworked. If you are salaried it doesn’t really matter how many hours you need to spend on your task as long as work gets done. But if you are hourly, they need to pay overtime. Other than that it’s what it is. Bosses don’t usually care on any kind of deep level if you feel overwhelmed

Thank you! I will. Thanks again.

Thanks Divine!

My company says and does lots of things that are not professional. I didn’t complain about being overworked. My boss noticed I was overly stressed and said he’d take this client off my plate. He knows I’m handling too much. That’s very different.

I don’t trust my boss, I like working with her and I am well liked at work but saying that, I just don’t trust any of them. Bosses are there to keep business running. That’s about it. Even the best boss would throw you under the bus if it’s in the interest of a company

Probably wise to not trust. I’d be wise to follow suit. And I’m sure you’re right.

Ain't that the truth!

I had another one of my moments(internally to myself where I'm thinking wth) and knowing I have a darn time crunch she starts bombarding me with questions where I'm stating to her, either, not off the top of my head or I asked this, that, the other thing but not that one thing that you are asking me and then it's like her mental time clock isn't there because she's complaining about the emptying again of a sales display that I control and I am the employee in the entire place that volume sells without trying and it was Thursday before last that I restocked but while I'm pulled in other directions at her insistence it's like a little over a week is over two months in her eyes. I hate that type of interaction that is common.

Well, my colleague got promoted and I'm a little puzzled by it. I don't expect any kind of promotion myself nor do I want one right now, but I think I produce better results than he does in our work, so i'm a little confused about the promotion. This company is not well run, I don't think. Yeah, I'm a bit rigid... I cannot help but have my ideals of what a workplace should be.

I guess I will try not to sweat this stuff so much. But I am not so sure about their leadership decisions and may wish to leave the company, after many many others who have left.

Could be the time she was in the company too. Longer than you. But who knows, maybe she does something you are not aware of. Or maybe your boss is a moron. Don’t let it bother you too much. Saying that, of course it’s annoying!

it sucks, but it is not your call. you will never know why she got promoted...could be she did som ething on a project you were unaware of, or has more time in grade, or maybe she slept with someone. not worth the time spent thinking about it. different companies have different reasons & guidelines. even in places like the federal gov't promotions are never cut & dry even tho they should be. don't waste your time & energy fretting over thinking your skills are better then hers so you should have earned that slot. for what ever reason, you didn't..so don't go down that rabbit hole. worry about your skills, your position only. sounds harsh but really it is what only matters. anything else will lead to trouble. don't ask management why she got promoted..it is not their reason to give..beyond a "she was better suited for the position"

the company may or may not be well run..sometimes what seems to be one thing from one level is totally different from another. that's where employees get in trouble at times...thin king above their level. you can't begin to know what goes into management decisions...it is a whole different world up there. speaking as someone who worked both entry level & upper management in one company. little fish, big fish. policies are totally different when explained from both levels. best advice...do you stuff..leave the management advice to them.

Thanks, Divine! It's a he, and he's been at the company longer. It is annoying, but I'll let it go.

Thanks, Resurgam! I'm not offended, and that didn't sound harsh to me. I think you're right, and you make good points. I will mind my own business. I am sure he has done something I am unaware of and has earned it. I didn't want a promotion or his position myself, just to be clear.