Is it weird for a coworker to call me Honey?

So, I have this coworker. We work in diff departments, but we sometimes see each other. He's sweet, funny, and well-intentioned, but he's called me "honey" multiple times. Im not his wife, girlfriend, or daughter, so this came across as weird.

I talked to my mom about it and she said it was fine, and it was just a term of endearment.

Is this weird? Is this as creepy as I think it is or is my mom right?

I am a male and it happens to me. I think it's uncomfortable. There's one woman at my job who's very friendly. She calls me "hon", which is the same thing. I like her but I don't feel comfortable with it. She's married and has a couple of young kids. Also there's a woman security guard that calls me honey. I'm not crazy about that, too.

I don't know any suggestion of what to do about it. It's a hard decision to make on that. With these two women that call me that, I know that they like me and nothing more than that can happen between us. I can understand how a woman can feel uncomfortable when men come on that way.

I have a much younger (like almost 40 yrs) supervisor who began calling me "hon"...I find it u comfortable and almost offensive. I told her so. I said I found it offensive, that we are not in that type of relationship, and for your age it is just wrong. she said she did it to make her comfortable..told her to find another way...because it was making me Uncomfortable.

if it bothers you, say something. period.

In the greater Portland Metro Area, this would be a big, big no-no. Liberal city, liberal norms. In rural Eastern Oregon, say, Pendleton or Burns or something, it might not be so unacceptable, due to different social norms.

Also, where is this person from originally? If they are from Texas or the deep south, everyone calls everyone honey all the time. I had nurses call me (the doctor) 'hon' for years when I was in Nashville. It is just a fact of life down there.

So, it's not necessarily disrespectful or an insult. You need to know the context before you can come to a conclusion--at least, that is how I see it. Hon (okay, that last part was a joke--I would never actually refer to you as 'hon'...).

Yeah, I'm from Portland.
This person is not from the south (or at least they don't have an accent), so this is kind of weird to me. I just think the name honey should be reserved for a wife, girlfriend, or daughter, and no one else. It's kind of infantilizing, and just makes me feel gross.

I'm not even a feminist or anything though. I just find it weird.

When I worked in a grocery store an older manager in the deli department called me “babe” every time he saw me. it was very creepy. He was creepy towards other women too. He’s not there anymore. Union jobs are the worst in my opinion.

Hmm. Well, given that you are in perhaps the second most liberal city in America, this is probably inappropriate in today's world. Why don't you take this person aside and politely but firmly ask them to refer to you by whatever it is you wish to be referred to by. That's what I would do.

In this liberal world, there are two sides to this topic. One is it's unacceptable, as the person is being overly familiar with you. Happens here in the UK a lot, especially with shop assistants. I've been called Guy, Mate, Babe, Hon, Chick, Lovely, Luv, Dear (usually with a sarcastic edge to it). In Scotland, women were/are still called Hen or Lass. Australia it's Sheila.

The other angle is it's a term on endearment. To those of us of a "certain" age, we remember times when it was exactly that, not with any sinister meaning.

Always remember one incident in a shop, think my mother was with me. Young male assistant asked "how are you guys today?" Without thinking, I looked down at my chest then challenged him, in fun, that he needed his eyes testing. Threw him for a moment before he burst out laughing. I was, as someone old enough to be his mother, giving him a lesson in good manners.

@Bookworm257

Honeybunny (sorry, couldn't resist) if it makes you uncomfortable, that is what matters. Are you not ready to ask them to call you by your name?

Honestly for me it depends on who is calling me by a nick name, what my mood is and my gut feeling about their intent. A lot of waitresses around here say honey and dear. But when I have been in some kind of negotiating (Like trying to get a refund for a damaged item) with someone in charge I will sometimes correct them. especially if it seems heated. One time a guy said "Sweetie that's just not how things work here" I said "Oh we're doing nick names now? I'll call you "jerk"
Another time a guy used the word 'honey' and it was totally patronizing. So I said: " oh good, you know math. Yes jackass, honey and sarah both have 5 letters in them, great math! How about you use the name that starts with S?"

I don't think being in a union has anything to do with someone calling another employee "honey" it's just an annoying term people use, we have no union at my place of employment and I have heard it used other places where I know there is no union involved.

people I believe tend to use it to make themselves feel more comfortable and assume a relationship where there is none. I used to see it in places like diners and such where friendliness tended to garner higher tips. somehow from an older waitress who has earned her time it is not offensive. from a 20 yr old college student supervisor it most certainly is.

I was just saying with unions it’s hard to weed out the bad employees. At least that’s how it is at the grocery stores in my areas. So people can get away with a lot more.

unions bring good and bad to the work place. yes they can serve to "protect" those called "bad" employees but also those "good" employees who have been stuck with improper workplace standards or grievances. remember without unions, we wouldn't have some of the employee rights that are in place now.

unions worked back in the early 1900's to help protect and save lives of employees from sweatshop workers who were being killed and injured with no course of action or protection. like having breaks? lunch? safety in the workplace? standard pay? thank a union.

but as far as this discussion from the original poster they really have nothing to do with the post. I doubt having union membership increases the odds of someone calling another person "hon or honey"

Bookworm, don't let anyone, including your mother (who invalidated you) tell you how to feel.

While it's a term of endearment, especially among the older crowd, I have had people call me honey before, sweetheart, etc, and I feel like you. For me, it depends who its coming from. And MANY people do NOT like these terms used with them especially by strangers, I don't care how "Well meaning" they are.

But Bookworm, if you are uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable. There's no right or wrong about it. You have a right to ask him to stop. Because there's a saying "you don't know what you don't know." He probably has no idea he is making you uncomfortable. Unless you say something. It's hard to speak up for my own self, and I don't want to pressure you one way or the other to take action. this is just wisdom I know.

Edit: I have a neighbor who used to call me a pet name. I found it VERY patronizing and condescending. I ended up, after a while, finally, I got the courage to tell him I prefer he didn't use that pet name with me, and just call me by my name. I'm glad I did. He seems to have pulled away since then (I was completely nice when I told him, not a jerk). But I know that that's HIS issue, with whatever he is struggling with. He's still strange and hard to figure out.

Edit part 2: Oh, and people in the younger crowd use these words too! There are some women who work in the office of my apartment complex, and when I call with an issue, they used to call me "hon" or "honey." They're like in their 20s. It's the weirdest thing ever. I haven't said anything about that. I pick my battles because with that, it's not too bad. Also, my mechanic calls me "hon." He's married with kids and he seems kind of tough and I used to be a little intimidated by him so with that I also do not mind him calling me that.


But its PERSON PREFERENCE and COMFORT LEVEL. And everyone's is different no judgments either way.


Do what's comfortable for you. Honor how you feel and it's not wrong how you feel at all.

You have two options. Put up with it or tell him to knock it off. Calmly but firmly say, "please do not call me honey, call me [your name]." Then I'd document the date, time and circumstance of my saying that. I'm pretty sure I work on one of the layers of hell. Here I have to contend with people thinking they can hug me or call me "Miss [my name--sometimes my first, sometimes my last]" -- that sort of southern-fried pseudo-deference makes my skin crawl almost as much as someone having the gall to think I welcome them touching me. Just the other day one of the creepiest people in my cellblock went to hug me. I moved sideways to get away from that.

Lol!! You're awesome Sarah!!

I think it just depends how much it bothers you.

My last male manager used to call me 'darling' and hug me - I didn't like it but not so much I wanted to make a scene. Lots of my female co-workers call me hun or similar and that doesn't bother me at all - it's more bothersome to me if it's cross sex.

Like Wovengalaxy says, it's completely your own preference and up to you whether you say anything or not.

Sarah, I love your responses!

Bookworm, as someone else said, if it makes you uncomfortable say something to the person. In some circumstances calling someone honey might be okay, but IMHO a boss using the word to an employee is demeaning.