Job rejections, a toxic work environment and lowered self esteem

I'd do the same thing - give it a whirl without the tyrant around!

Yeah, exactly! Though I still do wish to leave my job, just not as desperately.

I realized that even with that witch gone, I am dissatisfied with the work I am doing. I would prfer to work in-house again, and not for a digital agency. I don't want to work on client websites that suck. I want to work on a large website that has loads of content for me to work with. So, I think I know what I want - now I just need to find it.

I saw an ad on Facebook advertising for this company that coaches you and helps you land a job. I may sign up - though you pay them for their coaching after you've landed the job and after you've been paid. It could be worthwhile, or it could be a total waste. Given the difficulties I've had in landing a job offer, I figure why not submit my resume and see what they tell me.

Good idea. Won’t hurt to try.

I am so glad the witch is gone! She was the worst

She really was! I can't believe how bad she actually was! Did I mention that she called my colleague an idiot? A colleague who has a learning disorder? Dyslexia? I think that was the final straw that got her fired.

Well, this morning I received some tough feedback from someone that had interviewed me in the last round of interviews with that company. He said my technical knowledge is lacking, while I have great content skills. He couldn't speak to why they didn't hire me, but my guess is that's why. He pointed me to several articles and also said I need to read technical blogs.

I am thankful to receive this feedback but also very disheartened. My current company has done little to help train and educate me in my field. We are left unto ourselves to educate and train ourselves because leadership has been lacking. So I feel really disheartened by the feedback, but I guess encouraged that at least he had the decency to write me back and answer my question.

That must have been hard to hear.

Within your current company, how are technical matters addressed?

Thanks Bill. It was tough to hear. We have to figure out technical issues ourselves. There’s no one above who teaches or coaches unfortunately. It’s a disaster.

Well, then I found out even more info. They apparently (and without being open about it) were looking for 2 technical people to replace to technical digital marketers who had left. SO, I was doomed from the start, and without them overtly saying they wanted a technical expert. So, it was a complete waste of my time. Had I know what they really wanted, I never would have applied! I am super annoyed.

I also feel like I do not interview as well as I could. My meds cloud my thinking. I increased my abilify 6 months ago and doubled the dosage. I want to decrease it again to where it was for many years because I can think better and more clearly that way. I am slower to respond on a higher dosage and my thinking is just not as quick as it used to be. I don't convey my knowledge as well as I could be in these interviews. It really bothers me.

As it is, I was contacted for a Director level role and have an interview next Tuesday. I need to figure this out before then. Argh.

Good luck on Tuesday!

That could be. Medicine is fixing one thing but harming the other. It’s so unfortunate.

My husband has Tourettes with severe OCD. He is on a very low dosage of meds that help OCD episodes and somewhat reduce Tourette’s symptoms. But the meds are so low that they don’t seem to be doing the job anymore, even his therapist suggested to talk to a doc about increasing dosage. But my husband is terrified that higher dose will show down his reactions and he needs to be alert 100% of the time at work. He can’t be in a cloud, not at all. So it’s doubled edge sword.

I’d talk to your doc and see if there’s a connection. Be careful cutting the meds down though. It might cause some more problems

Thank you! I realized this is a start up and that I may not want to be in a start up though. UGH.

Yeah, I left a message for my doctor and haven't heard back. I still have a lower dosage at home, but I don't want to do this on my own. And I need his approval so that I can get it refilled.

I wondered if there was some unspoken expectation when they asked the question about the technical aspect. I am a literal person. If you are looking for someone technical, SAY SO and you'll get those people. It's maddening to prepare for an unconventional interview and find they were looking for something different.

EXACTLY my sentiments! I mean, they asked me to prepare a presentation for two CONTENT recommendations, so I did. Then the FIRST question the hiring manager asked me once I was done with the presentation was, "did you look at anything technical?" NO - of course I didn't because the instructions involved focusing on CONTENT!

It's seriously irksome and I feel they totally wasted my time.

How disrespectful. Like they think it’s fun fir you or something?

I feel that sometimes employers just don’t look what’s in a resume or pay attention who is coming to an interview.

Years ago I had an interview that I had to take a day off my job at the time and drive an hour. When I got there, I had to wait for a long time but when they finally invited me in they asked me if I by chance have a degree in some languages and if I speak them (I don’t speak them and have no degrees in them). Don’t recall which ones. Just remember it was a weird expectation of someone speaking and having degrees in two unrelated languages. It was like do you speak Japanese and Swedish? Or something

My resume and transcripts and letter of interest listed my degrees and languages. Why on the planet they didn’t even read it? And when I said no they responded “oh that’s too bad, that’s what we really needed.” What???? I just left. Didn’t stay for the interview. Ridiculous

Well, you know what else he did? The hiring manager practically laughed when no one had any questions after my presentation! He smirked and laughed. I was like, could you be any more disrespectful?!?

That's appalling about your own interview experience. Like why even bother bringing me all this way, and didn't you even read my resume?!?

So, my self esteem is at an all time low. I've been rejected now 5-6 times and I've been told that my technical knowledge is lacking. How can I even interview for a Director level role if my technical knowledge is lacking? I have an interview Tuesday, my self esteem has taken a hit, and I feel like backing out. What I am going to do instead is read up on technical stuff this weekend to refresh my knowledge and memory, but I already have a feeling or a fear that I will be rejected again. I am not feeling good about myself professionally. And, during the last six months of my job, it's been difficult to feel successful or to see any real major successes.. I've had setbacks with a few of my clients during the Pandemic, which is impacting my own success level. And this does not help my self esteem at all. During my 1st tenure with my company, I had a ton of success to speak to. And now I don't feel that way.

I am not feeling good walking into this interview on Tue.

On Monday, I have a meeting with a company that helps support you through your job search and which provides 1:1 coaching. I feel I need this right now, even if I have to pay for it later.

I wish I felt better. On top of this, my doctor's office hasn't gotten back to me about changing my medication and reducing the dosage. This really isn't helping me to think well... it's only just making things far worse for me and there's nothing I can do until my doctor calls in a new prescription.

See how you feel after your meeting with the job search company. If you're still feeling uneasy, you can cancel the interview then.

Some of these employers, I don't get it. Thousands of people have totally walked away from "employment" because of the lack of respect and the games employers play - especially with the interview process. Also, see how things develop with your current employer - after the new year.

My employer is just starting to wake up to the fact that we don't need them THAT bad. Yesterday, I got a raise and a speech about how valued I am and they're working to enhance my quality of life at work. Cool. Okay. Thank you. But I also know that they only do these things when it suits them and when they're desperate and losing people. As soon as the balance is tipped back in their favor, we'll be worked to death again. Right now, this situation works for me, I have good health insurance, I now have what I feel is a wage I deserve, I work from home, and it's all cool. I haven't felt abused here since I changed departments (this is a large, large corporation, so I can always run away to another department if necessary).

I know startups and smaller companies can work well too, but I've found the large companies are more willing to help you learn skills or strengthen skills that are on the weak side. For example, I am a very literal, structured person and I'm not a creative. I am now learning how to think "out of the box" to solve problems in a more creative way, and if I'm totally honest I needed to learn this. It's uncomfortable, but I also am getting a great deal of satisfaction from learning what I can come up with to solve a problem or make someone's bad experience happier.

So that was a long, exhausting read to tell you - keep exploring and do what works for YOU. If staying a while and working with this company on job searching works, do that. If staying and not looking for a while works, then do that. Make sure you're caring for yourself during this too. There have been times where I just had to disengage from the job at the end of the day and go for a walk after work or even just window shopping to relax and care for me.

Thank you so much for your supportive and encouraging words and advice. Much appreciated!

You're so right - I do need to also focus on self-care right now. I haven't been, and I've been sick with a cold on and off for weeks. And I need to find ways to ease my stress after work, though having my boss get fired certainly helped.

I am looking forward to this call with the job search company on Monday. I hope they decide I am a good fit for their mentorship program. Apparently, you can get matched with a mentor within your industry that works for a top tech company such as Google or Amazon. After 5-6 rejections and after 4 of them being in the final round, I am hanging my hat on needing some coaching.

And yeah, I will wait and see about this interview Tuesday... it's a tiny company of just 5 people!

It's amazing what's happening in your own company. I think employers do worry about a mass walk out right now, as that's what's happening in the world. You're lucky in that you can change departments if yours doesn't suit you. That is definitely a big bonus and advantage of working in a large company.

I worked last Feb for a HUGE company of 20,000 employees, and it did not work for me at all. I came from a tiny company of just 30 employees, and the large size was not something I was used to, nor the types of processes in place, all the technical applications I had to use for every little thing and all the meetings I had to attend. Far too many meetings!

The downside of smaller companies - I think they force you to have to learn everything on your own.

So, yes, I agree - I'm going to take care of myself and will see how things go on Monday and go from there.

I had a great first interview yesterday for a Director role. They now want me to meet with the company owner. I am excited, but nervous. IF I get rejected AGAIN, I'm going to have a really hard time with it. And if they make me do a homework exercise, I'm going to shoot myself in the head. lol.

On the PLUS side too, I reduced my medication dosage by half and I am taking vitamins to help increase memory and mental agility. I feel sooo much better already and can think more clearly. I honestly think that doing so helped me be far more articulate in my interview yesterday. Plus, I was very energized and expressed my excitement and enthusiasm very clearly. I think sometimes that that alone can make a big difference.

Congratulations and good luck!

Thanks @Bill3!

They wanted my availability to interview with the company owner this week, so I gave it to my interviewer on Tuesday and I haven't heard anything back. I can mainly only interview around my lunch hour because that's easiest for me, so I gave times around the lunch hour. Now I'm worried that they've hired someone else or lost interest in me.

We also have a new HR woman at work. FINALLY. She is meeting with every one of us to get to know us and to hear about what's been happening within the company. Most everyone is mentioning the stress level being high, and I did too.

I went so far as to criticize my CEO to her by saying he misrepresents my work to our clients and therefore, our clients misunderstand what it is we do. They expect immediate results because that's the false expectation he has set, and when they don't see those results quickly enough, they start to question the value of our work.

Well, if my CEO understood my specific niche within digital marketing better, he would explain that my work takes longer for results to show. I didn't tell her that part, but I did mention that he misrepresents my line of work to clients.

I also told her that I am also expected to accomplish tasks beyond my skill level and knowledge and that it creates great stress and frustration for me. Like with one of my clients, I am expected to write sales copy for Web pages, but that really isn't my skill set or my field of expertise. That would be a Web copywriter's expertise, and I am not a Web copywriter. I was never trained to write sales copy for Web pages. It's ridiculous. IF they want me to do that and accomplish it successfully, then PAY for me to take courses at least!!!! I am frustrated even just writing about it.

I also spoke of the lack of leadership within my department that has persisted for nearly three years since I was first hired.

So, I basically complained to the new HR person without realizing that I was doing so. It probably was evident that I am not happy. It all just kind of came out, and before I knew it, I was telling her a lot of my complaints.

And, in my second tenure now - it's been eight months - all I've experienced are headaches with each one of my clients rather than great success. Every client of mine has an issue that I cannot seem to resolve, despite my best efforts. It's depressing and maddening for me, so each day I work is most painful because it's yet another headache and issue that I encounter with my clients.

I am SO burnt out in my company. Every day is a massive chore there. Then I go to bed, wake up and have to face the headaches all over again. I feel I am living in a nightmare.

I am on edge waiting to schedule this interview.