Negative thinking in new job when faced with new challenges

My husband now is lying awake at night worried about me losing my job. Oh great. Now he's all stressed out about it, and there's nothing I can do.

I truly hope I will hear something about this other job today. I doubt I have an offer since it's been so long now since I interviewed. That means they still wanted to explore other candidates.

I have a new boss, as of today. It's a female boss, she is new and she is a new Director who starts work today. So this sort of changes things, I guess. I will see how she reacts to my situation at work.

I STILL have not heard back from this company. It's been over 3 full weeks! I am very frustrated that I have not heard anything either way. I mean, if they've extended an offer to someone, at least send me a note to thank me for my time. Perhaps they haven't decided yet, but this is maddening. I've only had to wait this long once before, and I did get the offer for that job. 3 weeks is an awfully long time to wait.

I spoke with my new female boss yesterday and she wasn't even aware yet that she will be supervising me! My former male boss informed two of us of this change late last week, but failed to communicate it to her? I am a bit stunned. The lack of open and proper communication in this company can be astounding at times.

Also, it was kind of interesting. She mentioned where Google is now headed given a recent algorithm update and she spoke of a new model that will be the norm now for ranking in Google. This "new norm", however, has been the norm for many years now, so I was very surprised that she seemed to think it is a more recent development - is she behind the times? Her experience seems somewhat limited and has been focused on just one aspect of our field for her first ten years of working in the field.

They also seemed desperate to hire ASAP. Her last interview was on Friday, she was offered the job over the weekend, and she started work on Tuesday.

Nonetheless, I liked her and we had a very positive and good conversation. She was receptive to my situation at work and sympathetic, and I mentioned that I am ready to take on more responsibility, including client-facing work. So, even if she is a bit behind the times, perhaps we will work well together and this could be a beneficial change for me.

I think my male boss had something against my needing to take a medical leave and needing to come back to a modified position. But oddly enough, the other day when he asked me to do a task for him, and when I finished it very quickly and to his satisfaction, he sent me a "best friends" meme on instant messenger. I don't get him. He ripped me apart in my 45-day review, yet sends me this kind of meme?!? Mixed messages, for certain.

I think that if you don’t get stellar interview, it doesn’t mean they personally dislike you. Just that they think some things need improvement. But it’s not personal. I don’t think it’s mixed message or anything to do with how they feel about you. In fact they might really like you even if they give you a bad review. Also negative review doesn’t mean you aren’t doing good job the very next day. Or from then moving forward

Years ago we had a guy at work who literally couldn’t do his job to save his life. Not your situation, just as an example. . He was on an improvement plan when he had to do monthly reviews to show improvement. He didn’t. He was asked to leave or he’d have to be let go. He was the nicest guy though and everyone including administration really liked him. There was nothing personal.

I am not saying it’s your situation, I am just saying that getting negative review doesn’t mean they dislike you or can’t be friendly with you or can’t compliment you when job is well done. In fact it would be unprofessional of your boss to act all mean and grumpy or not appreciate when you do a good job just because he didn’t give a good review. It’s not a social situation

I think it’s more likely that he knows he was too harsh with me in my review. I gave feedback to HR about it, saying it was mainly full of negatives and criticisms and didn’t touch upon what I’ve done well. And I gave examples. He likely received my feedback and may even feel badly about the review and that’s why he’s being mr warm and fuzzy now. That’s my gut take on this.

That could be. They do need to provide positive encouragement not just criticize

Exactly!!!

Well, I did something wrong. I was part way through a project of going through 3,000 blog articles when I realized that my former boss had given me the wrong direction. I went ahead and followed his directions, while knowing it was incorrect and finished the project. The mistake made CAN be corrected at a later date, but what should have happened is it should be corrected now, yet I went ahead and continued on, in knowing it was being done the wrong way.

What was I thinking?!?

I am not thinking well. With my father ill in the hospital, my mind is elsewhere. Still, it's no excuse and I should have told my former boss. I don't know what's wrong with me. I had gone part way through the project in this manner, and did not want to have to redo the work already done. I was lazy, and I knew it would have taken longer to do it correctly. I feel absolutely horrible now. What an idiot I am.

And when the mistake is caught? I hope my former boss doesn't come down on me, but he likely will.

Why not pre-empt it and tell your new boss - you don't have to say that you knew at the time it was wrong, but something along the lines of: I realise that the directions I was given by X on this piece of work were incorrect, I apologise that I didn't pick it up at the time (stress of sick father, they were the instructions I was given etc.). It can be fixed by doing Y - would you like me to rectify it?

That way you are being proactive, admitting that you should have spotted it at the time but that the initial instructions given to you were wrong, and that you have considered how to fix it.

Thank you for this suggestion! I hadn't thought of that. The one caveat though is that when I point it out, it should be pretty obvious that I knew it was wrong at the time (I do believe). So, I don't want him to think or know that I knew it was wrong and proceeded anyways?

I guess it depends how you frame it - if you say something like this was not the way you would have approached it, but as you are fairly new and still getting to grips with the company processes you didn't question it. Apologise and say that in future you will be more proactive etc.
If you know that this will be picked up eventually, it can only benefit you to be proactive at this stage - point out the error, admit your role in it while being clear that you were following the instruction given to you, and present a plan to correct it will surely work out better for you long-term than waiting for someone else to point out the mistake.

Thanks! I just firmly believe that if I point it out, he’ll know that I already knew it was a mistake while working on the project, which will make it look worse. I’m not one for dishonesty, but in this particular instance, my gut tells me to wait until it’s discovered and then play dumb. It’s an easily fixable mistake and it won’t cause any damage. I just feel that saying I was seriously distracted by my father’s illness is better.

I mean, I totally hear you and normally would agree. But I think if I play dumb that it will result in the better outcome.

I mean, I feel guilty for leaning in the direction of dishonesty. But sometimes at work I feel that it’s not always best to be so honest.

Personally I prefer to be in trouble for doing something wrong than be in trouble for lying. Playing dumb works. I have couple of people at work who play dumb and get away with it. Until someone smarter comes along and catches them in a lie. I mean if it’s life or death situation I’d play dumb to save my life. In a normal, not the world ending situation I’d say “ I felt it was wrong but also thought I must follow directions plus my mind was elsewhere and I just let it go but now it bothers me. Would you like me to correct it? I’ll do it in no time”.

Thanks divine. I know I’m an idiot for what I’ve done and it was stupid. But at this point if I DO bring it to light, I think I’ll be in worse trouble. My goal is to avoid any big trouble at work.

Not only that, but FAR more importantly, my father is now in ICU and I could be saying my goodbyes to him today. This makes work troubles seem minuscule and trite, although of course I want to avoid being fired at all costs.

Sorry for what you are going thru right now with your father.

Regarding this work project...
I would not blame your former supervisor. That has a high probability of not ending well. He won't remember it the same way you remember it (or at least won't admit it).

Just a suggestion-

Talk to your new boss and tell her you believe there was a misunderstanding on what you were to do on a project you recently finished. By the time you came to question the direction and realizing there may have been a misunderstanding, you felt it was too late to change it as you were too far along.
It has been bothering you, and you would appreciate the opportunity to fix it.
Using your own words of course.

i'm so sorry about your father, Have Hope

I don’t think you are an idiot for making a mistake. It will be insane if people get fired for every mistake. And of course family comes first. Focus on your dad.

Thanks divine! That helps and makes me feel better.

@RockyRoad007, thank you so much, and thanks for your advice - sorry I missed your post yesterday!

I do think this is a good approach. I am continuing to toss this one around in my mind. I won't blame my supervisor - I like the idea of saying there was a misunderstanding.

Thank you so much, @willowtigger! And sorry I missed your post yesterday!

I met with my CEO yesterday. So, I did not get fired, but I don't know when I will be able to take on more responsibility. I have been asking for weeks now, and it hasn't happened. My CEO said she leaves that stuff up to the individual managers, when I brought it up to her. Do they not trust that I can handle more? Do they think I cannot meet their expectations? Why not give me more, coach me and help me to meet the expectations? I don't get it.

As it is, with my father dying in the hospital right now, I don't feel it's the BEST time for me to take on more, so perhaps this is a blessing in disguise at the moment. It's far easier for me to do menial tasks with low stress, given the circumstances.

Wow - just WOW. I emailed that company last Friday and this past Friday about that job. NO REPLY!!!!!! They must have filled the position, but I am entirely put off that they refuse to thank me for my time and to let me know that the position has been filled. It's common courtesy to at least reply to a candidate to let them know. I spent hours prepping for those interviews, and had SIX individual interviews. The entire process was fairly grueling, and this is how they treat me? I am not taking it personally... it's the principle of the matter. Clearly, it's not a company I would really want to work for, if this is how they behave. HOW RUDE!

My current company handed me a MASSIVE project yesterday, due in 3 weeks, and for me to head it up. While on the one hand, it's nice they have faith in me to potentially step up to the plate because I've been asking for more responsibility in recent weeks, on the other hand, I just lost my father and am in no shape to take on a massive challenge. I was hoping to continue doing the easier work over the next coming weeks while I grieve the loss of my dad. But no, they handed me this enormous site audit project. I don't know if they are testing me, but it was my first thought.

do they know you lost your father?