Negative thinking in new job when faced with new challenges

Thanks @Molinit. I greatly appreciate your support and advice.

So, right now, I don't care if they fire me, and would actually welcome it. If I cannot meet their expectations, then I will qualify for unemployment. Sure, I may feel a bit of a negative twinge about being fired, but I want to leave so badly, that it doesn't matter to me how it happens.

Today I thought about contacting my doctor about taking a second, but shorter leave of absence from work. It would be unpaid, but I am paid well enough to cover the difference. I just don't know. I feel a bit tied at the hands; unable to make a decision or move in any direction.

I will continue to apply for other jobs, though I am not quite ready to put on a big smiling face during interviews. If there is a presentation or test involved, forget it. If there's more than a few interviews, that's OK with me as long as I don't have to do work for the company before being hired.

Yesterday was the absolute worst. I am at my wits end at work, with the type of work I am doing. It's monotonous and tedious and pretty much crazy making. Maybe they're trying to get me to quit instead of actually firing me.

A more senior colleague is supposed to be helping me with my audit of this website. She keeps telling me, "we have two more weeks before the deadline - we have time", yet she hasn't lifted a finger to truly help me with the audit and the presentation I have to pull together. She is a procrastinator, and I am not. I want to get it done and on time, and there's a lot more to do. She said she would work on it yesterday, and she didn't. Then she told me yesterday that she would work on it today. This is making me even more stressed out - her dragging her heels on helping me with this project.

If anything is going to get me fired, it will be this - this darned audit. I know I cannot do it by myself, and I fear that she will leave me to do it by myself. I am getting more and more anxious about it, with each day that passes ,and she isn't helping me.

Ugh this is going to be the hard part for you. Knowing a failure is coming and just waiting for the fallout. I've been fired for not meeting requirements before (and gotten unemployment because I honestly was trying to meet requirements and simply could not) and the time where you are just knowing what's going to happen, it's a pride-buster, but VERY uncomfortable - it's hard to live through but do your best and if you get no help guess what? They get an undone project. DON'T QUIT. You can get through this - it's just going to be hard.

Don't even put this place on your resume - just say you were taking care of your dad or something to explain the gap.

I know, and you're 100% right.

I finally DID approach my boss about this project this morning. I told him I am in over my head, that I need more help than what I am getting, and that I would love it if I could be the main support person and have my colleague lead the project instead of me. That way, I can LEARN how to do it.

He said sure, for this one. So, hopefully, I am off the hook on this one.

Now I just need to be sure he communicates this to my colleague and that she heads it up instead of myself.

So, my more senior colleague practically finished the entirety of the presentation for this audit today. I did about 10-11 slides myself and she did more, maybe 14-15. I am SO happy I asked for more help!!! It paid off to speak up and to admit I needed more help and that I was in over my head. Who cares what my boss thinks of that. My father just died, and a ton of additional work stress is the LAST thing I need right now.

Now I just need to get on my job search!!!!

Good job speaking up!!

Thank you @Bill3!

OH MY GOODNESS.

Yesterday I nearly had a heart attack at work. Not literally, but figuratively.

In a nutshell, I was told I have to devise 12-month content calendars for every single client. This means I have to devise blog article topics and titles for every client, 12 months out.

For one client, this translates to 30 articles per month, or a total of 360 articles for 12 months. WTF?!?!?! Are you kidding me????????????

I was/am FLOORED. They wanted me to come up with 360 different article topics and titles for this one client?!?! I nearly flipped out. I told the Director above me who had told me this that 360 articles is a bit daunting. Then I mentioned my concern regarding repetition. I mean, I have to come up with 360 UNIQUE article titles, and I cannot repeat one single one!

This is/was insane to me. And talk about pushing me over the edge into the land of insanity. So, I pushed back a little bit and said that 360 articles is a LOT. He then backed off and said, OK, let's do this on a quarterly basis. So come up with 90 titles for the quarter.

STILL, I am beside myself yet again at work with the work I am being asked to do. So, this is my focus right now. Come up with article titles for every single client for the quarter. For some clients, this amounts to only 30 articles or so. Others, it's more.

I think they want to push me out the door and make me quit. Or make me want to quit, because I DO.

Do other staff members do similar amount of tasks or just you? If they are in general assigning a lot then it’s just a reality. But if it’s just you have to do all this then it’s a different story

I don't ask my co-workers what their workload is like, but knowing how this company operates at high volume, they likely have similar high-volume tasks.

Just wonder if pushing back on so many tasks might backfire. That’s why I wondered if other people get similar huge tasks and how they handle it

Coming up with 360 articles is totally unreasonable to me at once. And I think sometimes this company IS unreasonable with some of the asks. I think it’s within my rights to have said it’s too much at once.

360 divided by 12 months is 30, are there 12 topics of interest for this client you could deep dive into for 30 articles in a month? Granted I don’t know what the subject matter is, but would it support 12 different themes at least or is it super narrow.

For example if the client sells snacks, I’d do a different type of snack per month (cookies, chips, cake type, etc) and 30 articles on the items within that grouping.

On the other hand, if the client sells tea, we have an issue because there are not so many tea types or ways to make tea and that’s going to be a hell of a task to get 360 articles out of.

Thanks for your input!

The client asked for 6 categorizations. So that’s 5 articles for each of the 6 categories to equal 30 articles for one month. I’m not just devising the article topics and titles though. I must research and identify several target keywords that have search volume to attract search engine visitors, for every single article topic and title. This is why 360 articles was far too much for me to do all at once. It’s insane, really.

Did they tell you the dead line? And how many clients is there total?

I have to do this same process with like 9 clients in total. It’s ridiculous. I’m supposed to complete it all this month. If I can’t, I can’t.

That’s a lot. Just do how many you can do in one week and see how it goes.

Exactly. And this is ALL I will be doing. Nothing else.

This is something that has worked for me.

When you go to sleep or as you are drifting off...
ask for the answers to come to you.
or ask for your "higher self" (insert term that works for you) to bring you ideas.
or state that you are going to go out "there" and bring the answers back.

In other words, you would phrase it in a way that works for you. The above statements are only examples. Don't work with your ego here, but a higher source.

You may find you wake up bursting with ideas, or one or two fantastic ideas that you can take or expand in many directions. The ideas may even come in a day or so later and you will think that your dreamtime isn't working for you, when the ideas simply need time to germinate for your mind to recognize them.

If you do this every night, you may find yourself excited to do this project or it simply get done much easier than you ever anticipated.

Wow, that is A LOT.

@RockyRoad007, thank you! I will try it!!!

Indeed it is.

Well, I have an achievement! I finished 90 additional article topics/titles for this one client. I had already done 90 for this client previously, so that's 180 different articles I've come up with for this client. I feel accomplished.

Now, I just need to move onto to the other 9 or so clients and do the same routine.

Also, I had a positive interview with a new company yesterday - I will find out mid-week if I have a job offer. I am praying that this one works out. It seems like a good company to work for, with very positive employee reviews on Glassdoor. I really liked the hiring manager too.

I am praying too!

Great progress on the massive assignment!

Aw, thanks @Bill3!