[youOme]

The reason Im bringing this here is because Im ashamed of myself and I dont want mom to feel I backstabbed her. My mom has been a drug addict all my life, but its hit its worse when I was 12 and she started doing crack. Later it switched from crack to pills. Shes never been drug free in my lifetime and Im 25. Recently mom and I have rekindled our relationship and basically she keeps me high everyday now that she moved to town near me. My boyfriend and I are really struggling and I run to moms house claiming its to get a break from fighting. Mom uses me to talk her down when she trips out. I never wanted this for myself and its making me feel like a huge failure. I wanted better for my kids. Being a junkie is in my blood. Do I leave my mom to kill herself slowly? I could walk away from her and never use again, but there is apart of me that needs my mom and whatever dysfunctional means of support she offers. I just keep thinking about my kids. I need advice, what would you do?

[madisgram]

hi uome, i'm sorry things are rough for you right now. narcotics anonymous may be beneficial for you to get off the drugs. it's free and you can google NA for meetings in your area. NA is a group of addicts who learn about their addictions and discover how to not use and to have a new way of living.
your mom is toxic to your getting off drugs and also how to deal with her. there is also a program called alanon for people like you that have a loved one in active addiction. that support group helps you to learn how to not be taken hostage by the addict, helps you learn how to love yourself and rid u of guilt. it's for helping people like you to learn how to not enable the addict's behavior. i suggest these 12 step programs cause i know many people who have discovered a new way of living.
you might want to post in ACOA forum too to share about your mom. there's support there too for you if you desire it.
i wish you the best..hugs...and we're here for you

[Marie123]

I don't believe "being a junkie" is in your blood. We all have choices in life. You cannot save your mom if she doesnt want help. Why not get help for yourself and then perhaps your mom might try. Your first responsibility is to your kids. If you don't make changes now, they may do what you did and follow the road to become addicts. As the above poster suggested...there are some wonderful programs out there. Hugs and Good luck...You can make a good decision for you and your children!

What would I do? I would talk to my mom and tell her that you are going to get help and cannot see her for a while, and sorry that she is addicted, but your first responsibility is to your children....that you still love her and hope she might join you in getting clean.....we do drugs/alcohol to stay out of pain.......I would simply be truthful and tell her than drug addiction is a a terrible thing...as an aside, I would be worried the State might take your children if they find you are taking drugs. Something to think about. Keep us posted.

Again, being a junkie isn't in your blood. It is simply what you know.

[Leed]

I'm going to be straight with you - no sugar-coating. Do you see what it's doing to your mother?? Do YOU want that for yourself??? That's EXACTLY what's going to happen to you if you continue taking this junk. You're going to be a junkie too. You don't have to keep taking this crap. Your mother isn't MAKING you take it ! You're making the decision to do it yourself! YOU are the one who wants it. STOP DOING IT. It might not be too late -- but if it is, you're going to have to go into detox. You're killing yourself -- and your kids don't deserve a junkie for a mother. You're just doing to your kids what your mother did to YOU. Do you want your KIDS to do this too?? They will because they see YOU doing it. They know you're high - they aren't stupid.

Get off this stuff NOW. And stay away from your mother. Let her make her OWN choices. You make different ones and get OFF the drugs!!! You can't stop your mother from taking them but you can stop YOURSELF from dying. That's what you're doing -- you are DYING. Get in touch with NA or AA - either one. But stop the insanity NOW before it's too late. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

If your mother is unwilling to get help, you have to decide whether to help yourself or not. Your mother isn't keeping you high, you are going to your mothers to get high. Both of you are adults and both of you have your own lives to live and obviously are not helping each other and are detrimental to each other's health! So, you have to choose and it's your choice, not something forced upon you. No one says it will be easy, "natural", pleasant or any of those things but if you can only save one life, you have to go with your own because it's the only life you have that you are in charge of.

[youOme]

I just recently had a baby so this is all new events. Mom come across a large amount of money, normally she never shares. Im not addicted I just fear that I have the capabilities, since drugs have been in my entire life. Even my pregnant 21 year old sister is a crack cocaine user, mom introduced her. It saddens me. Deep down I resent mom for corrupting our lives, but misery likes company. My question was more along the lines of should I completey cut the only family I have out of my life? BTW mom has full heartedly admitted to me that she will not live much longer so she is going to use till death, there is no hope for her.

[madisgram]

as i stated earlier alanon or narconon will help you in knowing what to do re your family that uses. they do teach us to avoid people, places, and things if we want to get clean. meaning ppl, places, and things that encourage us to use. but going to one of those 12 step programs to help you deal with your family and learning about what you can do for yourself is free and effective. it's not all or nothing re your family. these programs help you to keep the focus on self. they help you learn how to deal with all that/family that uses. "Deep down I resent mom for corrupting our lives..."your mom did not have a gun to your head when you chose to use. you made that choice!
as for your useage...you wouldn't have posted unless you were concerned that u had a problem imho. if you continue to use you will become like your mom, helpless and hopeless wanting to die. is that how you want to be? what affect is your using having on your little one? it will only get worse.
the choice is yours. to have a meaningful life or submit to this self destructive behavior.
NA for you. ACOA or narconon for you to help you deal with your family and helping you. the choice is entirly yours. as robert frost, the poet, wrote paraphasing his poem...there are 2 paths, the used road or the unused road. which will you take?

[Perna]

Yes, I would stop seeing your mom and any friends or family who are using, get away from her influence as it does not help you or your children to continue allowing the influence. There is nothing positive there or nothing positive that can come of seeing them under these conditions.

Personally...I would get as far away as I could.If you feel capable of being clean when she isn't around then...for your own quality of life and health you need to censor the influences around you.On the other hand,there's a saying..."No matter where you go...there you are..." In other words...it isn't the influences and opportunities surrounding you which ultimately choose behaviors...it is we who choose.And if an addict does not want help there isn't anything or anyone who can help.They need to come to a point where they choose it on their own.You could look for some numbers to hand to her,explain that your own wellness has to come first....and then pursue your sobriety.

[lastyearisblank]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like both you are your mom are really suffering. It is not good for her to keep you high, especially if it is leading to feelings of humiliation. It is not backstabbing to walk away. You have a right to make your own choices even if they disagree with hers.

Is there anywhere else you can go when you get into arguments? A friend's house maybe, or somewhere where you can cool down and won't get tempted to use?

You deserve so much better! You are stronger than this.

[youOme]

its a disturbing coincidence that i never use nor consider using till mom is around. she doesnt pressure me, she just makes it so easily accesible, free, and easy....entirely to freaking easy. i do make these choice, the choice toeen go there is mine. your right and iacceptha.
i need away from here...far away.

[youOme]

sorry for mispelled my mobile goes goofy sometimes

The thing in this post which screams to me is....your Mum has had the indiscretion to impact her daughters life with the swarm of negative consequences of being an addict.Will you get help now that you are a parent as well to end this treacherous cycle for your own child as your mum did not?There will always be opportunities do things which ultimately have tragic consequences.BUT....there will always be the fork in the path to take the road less traveled.One must stand up and choose....most critically when one is a parent.I cannot tell you what I refrained from for the sake of my children.I also made mistakes that I can never ever go back and repair.They are stains that I can't wash out.You can choose to refrain from interacting with her.What mum influences their daughter to partake in such an ultimately deadly endeavor?If you resent your mum for corrupting your life ....how will your child feel about your impact on theirs?You are SO VALUABLE!Seek recovery!

[Elana05]

Let go of trying to help your mom and get help yourself. You cannot fix it for another person, only you. You are only responsible for you (and your young children) not your parents, not any adult who can already make decisions for themselves.

http://www.aa.org

Hope this helps.