[DarlaKat]

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

--Johnny Cash

Dang I really want a bacardi and coke right now.

[DarlaKat]

OH MY GOD I can smell the alcohol I'm craving, is this normal??? I don't know if I can handle this, it's seriously driving me crazy!

[racee]

just keep pushing it off...keep saying well maybe in another minute than when the minute is up keep saying wait another minute...that's how i got through not using in the begining i couldnt say no i will never use again because that was too much for my brain to handle. i had to say well i will in 5 minutes then kept pushing it off..i wasn't going to use but it was easier to handle that way...how long has it been.?
Just stay online with us if it helps
and yes your mind is playing tricks on you you really are smelling the alcohol

[DarlaKat]

Originally Posted by racee

just keep pushing it off...keep saying well maybe in another minute than when the minute is up keep saying wait another minute...that's how i got through not using in the begining i couldnt say no i will never use again because that was too much for my brain to handle. i had to say well i will in 5 minutes then kept pushing it off..i wasn't going to use but it was easier to handle that way...how long has it been.?
Just stay online with us if it helps
and yes your mind is playing tricks on you you really are smelling the alcohol

what's so pathetic about it is that I was trying not to drink for 24 hours. THAT DIDN'T WORK. I'm drunk / tipsy right now and I feel like a weak individual I don't know how people can have the strength to stop. God I'm such a terrible person!!!!

[racee]

your not terrible...alcohol depressent so yeah i can understand why you feel bad it's making you feel worse.....some people need to hit bottom to stop some people don't...unfortunatley/fortunately i had to hit bottom...than dig another 150 feet and then dig 5 more times after that to reach mine.
Who know you may not need to do that...but even wanting to stop is a huge success in it's self you actually kow you have a problem! so many people deny that for many years...soi your ahead wether you see it or not...you just need to learn the tools to get yourself sober not just to getting sober but tools to live life without it cause it looks like you started in your teens if i'm right and that just took a chunk out of "how to live life" for ya.

[madisgram]

hi darla, so glad you started this thread. it takes support for most ppl to get sober and stay sober. have you given AA a go? it helped me so much and i still go tho not as many mtgs. a week now but i don't ever want to forget where i came from...using alcohol. it's been 21 years for me sober but i did it a minute at a time at first, got busy so i would be distracted, and reached out for help from others who had stayed sober but understood the power of alcohol and it's lure. alcohol will promise you more than you even want or dream of but using it will take everything from you, even your soul. it's lieing to you.
keep posting and hope we can continue to give you hope that you can stop. i do hope that you'll try AA too. it saved my life. i do believe it can help you too.

[DarlaKat]

Originally Posted by racee

your not terrible...alcohol depressent so yeah i can understand why you feel bad it's making you feel worse.....some people need to hit bottom to stop some people don't...unfortunatley/fortunately i had to hit bottom...than dig another 150 feet and then dig 5 more times after that to reach mine.
Who know you may not need to do that...but even wanting to stop is a huge success in it's self you actually kow you have a problem! so many people deny that for many years...soi your ahead wether you see it or not...you just need to learn the tools to get yourself sober not just to getting sober but tools to live life without it cause it looks like you started in your teens if i'm right and that just took a chunk out of "how to live life" for ya.

Yeah...I really do need to stop because when I'm drunk / ate up on pills I usually end up embarrassing the heck out of myself. I just have this stupid belief that if I do it, it'll help me "somehow forget" certain obstacles I had to go through in my life. In reality, it just makes me dehydrated and emotional.

[DarlaKat]

Originally Posted by madisgram

hi darla, so glad you started this thread. it takes support for most ppl to get sober and stay sober. have you given AA a go? it helped me so much and i still go tho not as many mtgs. a week now but i don't ever want to forget where i came from...using alcohol. it's been 21 years for me sober but i did it a minute at a time at first, got busy so i would be distracted, and reached out for help from others who had stayed sober but understood the power of alcohol and it's lure. alcohol will promise you more than you even want or dream of but using it will take everything from you, even your soul. it's lieing to you.
keep posting and hope we can continue to give you hope that you can stop. i do hope that you'll try AA too. it saved my life. i do believe it can help you too.

Alcohol pisses me off. I just don't understand how you or anyone could do it, it's really hard...and I think I should try AA but I'm worried people will find out and yeah...I don't want people to know how much I really drink, you know?