[StargazerLily]

i don't deserve something so good for me

this wont happen

3 months was good, but not good enough

just cant

sobriety wont last

kay

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I hope you CAN but I understand..I wish I could say I was 3 months off my sleeping pills ...Do you have a sponser...I keep thinking I should go to NA but am not ready yet.....Good luck and prayers headed your way

[JustBen]

Hang in there. You do deserve to have something good in your life.

[StargazerLily]

No sponser, no aa. cant even bring myself to go to an online meeting, let alone f2f. i wouldnt be able to go, 17 with no license.

i know other people are right, i should tell my parents, before i end up in some awkward situations. but i wont, and i cant. they also said its harder than necessary trying to go it alone..but oh well...

kay

[JustBen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
StormWarning said:
they also said its harder than necessary trying to go it alone..but oh well...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Every single person I know who's been through this says that you shouldn't go it alone. It's just too hard. I hope you can get to a place where you feel it's okay to share this with others.

[shadowalker164]

Pain is a funny thing. I don’t mean that your being in pain is something to laugh about. But almost every person who was actively addicted to whatever that I ever met, was in a great deal of pain at the end of their active period.

The funny (read peculiar) thing is the pain you feel is the catalyst for change in your life. We don’t change something as fundamental about ourselves as our addictions if we weren’t in so much pain that we were willing to do anything to make it stop. Some call it the gift of desperation.

I was told that the pain I felt was God’s gift to me. It was the only thing that cut through the fog of denial.

I don’t care if you are 17 or 107, you can take a bus to the meeting. Find a young peoples meeting, and get there.

Here’s an idea. Tell your parents the truth!

At any rate, the pain you feel now ain’t squat compared to the pain you will feel. This business of active addiction never gets better in it’s own, only worse. I guess that’s God’s gift as well.

Keep coming back here, it’s better than alone, but a recovery group is a better idea still.

Richard

[StargazerLily]

there is no bus and there is no meeting.
i live on a military base, figure that
thought there'd be more aa around here with military, but not the case.
nevermind anyway

kay

[BamaSurvivor]

You can't get clean or you won't get clean, Storm? There's a fine line between the two. I went 10 months without using because I WANTED sobriety and did whatever I had to do to achieve sobriety. I went to meetings, I talked to people online who could help, I read and listened to things dealing with NA, hell I even got to the point of dreaming things about NA sometimes. But then I got lazy. I started slacking off from my meetings. I started making excuses such as I didn't have the gas money to go to a meeting that day or I'd go to two meetings the next day to make up for the meeting I missed this day, etc, etc... My desire to stay clean and sober decreased and my desire to use increased. My excuses to miss meetings and stay home became the excuses of why I stayed high and didn't go to meetings.

I'm STILL trying to pull my act together. I'm still struggling to stay clean and I'll probably struggle until the day I die, but one thing I know for sure is that when I feel the urge to use, there's no room for excuses as to why I can't go to a meeting... I HAVE to go to a meeting if I get that urge or more than likely, I'm going to give into that urge and use. Sobriety isn't about talking about what you want your life to be. Sobriety is about showing action on what you want your life to be.

As Richard said, the pain you are suffering is a blessing. But as long as you are sitting back and only wishing to go to a meeting instead of actually going to one, the pain will only increase. The pain can and will stop whenever you want it to, Storm. Tell your parents, go to a meeting. It can be done. I'm 18 (will be 19 Nov 4th), started going to meetings when I was 17. I know it can be done.

[downsolong]

Stormy,

Despite the "common knowledge" propagated by the AA cult propaganda mill, most people do in fact quit abusing substances and alcohol ,on their own, when they conclude that they induce more harm than pleasure. There are other approaches than the mind control surrender defeatist one used by 12-step organizations and evidence that the suicide rate is increased by the let down when the AA approach fails, as it does for at least the 95% of people who don't last through a year of meetings. If you look at my previous posts on this forum you can find many links to alternatives. I hope some day soon all the alternative links will be put on the links page of this site.

Regarding other problems you may have that you have tried to numb with drinking, you may do well to seek help though legitimate mental healthcare sources.

Luv ya babe~Hugz~Down

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

i think? you can see if they have it online aa/na that is...Wishing you health

[StargazerLily]

sorry, but i'm with downy. i'm not the religious person you need to be to get the full effect of aa. i do go to an online meeting though, but they dont like me around so much cause i'm not in aa irl.
so right now, i dont care. still got my 94 days. trying to decide whether to keep going or give it all up tonight. i'll probably stay sober, but fight the idea all night.
i dont care right now

kay

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Oddly I envy you those 94 days....I do not go to aa or na but should...I think you do not have to be all into religion but I do think no matter how one does it...its cool when they can go any days without.Good luck

[BamaSurvivor]

Don't have to be religious to be in NA or AA. I sure as hell aint religious. Spiritual, yes. Religious, no way. I do hope you find what you're looking for, Storm. Whether that be NA/AA or an agnostic drug abuse group. Whatever works for you, keep on doing it. I hope you continue down the path of sobriety and not let those 94 days go to waste. I let 10 months go to waste. Don't get me wrong, I learned from it and took valuable lessons with me from it, but I had to start over again and that's no fun. Keep your head up.

[downsolong]

A couple of links with info and many more links stormy

http://www.sossobriety.org/cults.htm
http://www.disinfo.com/archive/pages/dossier/id409/pg1/

~hugz~Down

[shadowalker164]

Always good to see you are still alive and well Down. You are right that there are many roads to Rome. But in Storm’s case, if she doesn’t start walking, none of those roads will open up for her.

One of the worst things a person can do when suffering in addiction, is nothing. In order for anything to change, something has to change. We agree on little, when it comes to recovery from addiction/alcoholism, but maybe we agree on that.

Your friend on this long strange trip,
Richard

[shadowalker164]

Down, I went to the link you provided, the SOS one. Good stuff.
My very first sponsee, who just couldn’t or wouldn’t get the God thing found SOS.

He hasn’t had a drink in a while now and I’m really happy for him. He is a good guy and I like him and I’m glad he is sober. He at first left AA and found Rational Emotive Therapt, that experience led him to SOS. He now hosts an SOS meeting every Thursday evening.

I don’t attend his meetings regulary, but every now and then I drop by. I always enjoy myself there. I don’t preach AA, I just join in the discussion.

In fact, if I am working with a guy that is having a hard time with the concept of spirituality, I invite him to join me at my friends meeting. My job as his sponsor is to place as many sobriety tools at his feet as I can.

My only knock on his meetings are that they wander all over the place. Politics, art, you name it. I enjoy a wide ranging conversation as much as anyone. But a new guy could spend that hour there and learn little about how to get and stay sober. I would stay on topic if it were me.

But like I said, my friend hasn’t found it necessary to pick up a drink in a while, and for an alcoholic, that’s the most important thing.

One other thing, I took the Cult test using my Army experience as the guide. The Army is a cult. No surprise there. I tried it with my job, Christ, my job is a cult as well. It seems we are surrounded by cults.

At any rate, still your friend on this long strange trip,
Richard

[downsolong]

Yes walker the military does use mind control brainwashing to get people to follow orders instead of think. How else could otherwise rational humans run towards machine gun fire? And yes we are surrounded by cults, why do you think the world is so messed up!

~Down

PS- because it has gone under the radar so long AA is considered by some as THE CULT, having by passed the FDA efficacy standard to invade healthcare and vaulted the constitution into the courts.

[StargazerLily]

spir·i·tu·al adj.
Of, relating to, consisting of, or having the nature of spirit; not tangible or material. See Synonyms at immaterial.
Of, concerned with, or affecting the soul.
Of, from, or relating to God; deific.
Of or belonging to a church or religion; sacred.
Relating to or having the nature of spirits or a spirit; supernatural.

re·li·gious adj.
Having or showing belief in and reverence for God or a deity.
Of, concerned with, or teaching religion: a religious text.
Extremely scrupulous or conscientious: religious devotion to duty.

religious, spiritual, whatever you like to call it, i am neither. once people start talking about their so called "higher power" i get out of the chat room i'm in. i dont believe in that stuff and thats the major reason i dont care that i dont go to aa meetings.

downy, thanks for those links again sweety.

rich, thanks for your words. i think you're really wise person, and you've got a lot of good to say coming from a lot of experience, i just stop listening at the talk of "God" and "higher powers".

thanks for all your words, i'm fine for now, and i'm still making it, alone. its too bad i cant lock my own thread before this all starts some political-religious-psycho argument

thanks everybody..
kay

[shadowalker164]

Thanks for the kind words Kay…

We all bring to the table what we bring to the table. None of us have a lock on this business of sobriety. But each of us have something.

Down’s school of thought works for people, I’ve seen it work.
Bama’s school of thought also works. I seen that too.

I suppose that any path to sobriety, if it produces a measure of happiness will work. Just speaking for myself, I always wanted to change the way I felt. Dope and liquor always did that for me, and did it fast.

The problem was the quality of happiness in being drunk or stoned just wasn’t there. Getting loaded was a hollow victory.

Good luck sugar on whatever path you chose to walk, my only advise to you is pick one and start walking.

Richard

[StargazerLily]

i think i'll rest a while yet, before i begin walking

kay

[Raynaadi]

Rest is good. Just rest with water or tea or coffee or soda or candy or food, k? Luv ya hon.

~Rayna

[StargazerLily]

if theres a will theres a way.
i'm just trying to figure out the way. find out who. figure out how to get my friend back up to school with vodka. i quit. i might be sober today, but i'm no trying to be.

kay

[StargazerLily]

meh..no drinks but got some nyquil to fog things up...

kay

[shadowalker164]

The thought occurs to me that Kay is probably doing the smartest thing she can, doing basically nothing. I had to be convinced that the needed change must take place.

Pain, deep and abiding spiritual pain was the catalyst for me. It was proven to be the needed motivation for a lot of people. And how did that much needed motivation come to me? I did nothing . I continued to drink and I continued to suffer.

One morning I came to and I told my wife that I was scared all the time and that I couldn’t stop drinking. And I told her I was going to look for this AA. I knew nothing about it, just heard of it. Profound spiritual pain did it for me.

People like storm are my best sponsors. If I ever thought that I called it too soon, maybe was a little hasty in my diagnosis, she clears up any doubt.

Storm, I know that you are paying a heavy price for your message of contempt prior to investigation, and I for one appreciate it. Your teachings are not lost on me.

Richard

[StargazerLily]

dont remember beins o pareanoid