[gasping4air]

There are so many severe issues in our family. Well... don't know how much longer we will actually be a family. The final drop has just about fallen. Hubby is an alcoholic and he's been sober for 3 months. He is behaving like a *****! He's angry... screaming... throwing things around him and trashing stuff. I've been supportive and patient with him but now I feel I've had it. When our daughter is home and sees and hears him like this, then it's enough. One more time and... The children has to come first! Always!
He's been seeing this contact person talking about his problems with alcohol for maybe 7 months. He's now seeing a CBT therapist guiding him to deal with the intrusive thoughts upon alcohol and drinking. Still, just coming home from an app or at any time he lashes out and is absolutely terrible.
He'll start on antidepressive meds again hopefully at the beginning of next week.
I'm about to crack, fall apart. I do everything around here and that includes supporting our 2 special needs children.

I've gone from being understanding and supportive in every way to being fed up and angry internally just wanting it all to go away. I'm a person too... or maybe not. Just useless piece of crap!

[madisgram]

al-anon may offer you support to deal with how you are feeling and offer you tools to deal with an alcoholic. it's a program to focus on your feelings, etc. and how to overcome your challenges. it doesn't make your hubby the center of attention. tho he is getting some help the only person who can make himself stop drinking is him. you're correct alcoholism is a family disease. all the focus surrounds his actions and behavior. here's some excellent info. i hope you find helpful-
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/pdf/B29_2.pdf
the article offers suggestions for so much of your concerns and clarifies how you can help yourself and the children.
another site states

Alcoholic Marriage Relationship: In a marriage where alcoholism is present, the trouble stems from the fact that there is truly only one thing that takes first priority in an alcoholic's life...getting drunk. All alcohol addicts, because of their low self-esteem, consider drinking more important than themselves, at least short-term. Many end up losing family, job, even their lives, before giving up the precious bottle. If you're married to an alcoholic, you truly aren't married in a real sense. Your spouse's spouse is the bottle. No matter what your spouse say, it may take separation or divorce before quitting is even considered.

another forum for feedback is ACOA. many ppl there are experiencing many of your challenges so don't let the forum name confuse you.
we are here for YOU.

[Caretaker Leo]

(((Hugs to you gasping)))

Speaking from my own experience...
Your hub is trying to make a huge change in his life. It isn't comfortable for him. It isn't comfortable for you. It isn't the pattern that the two of you were used to in your lives.

Please try to understand that he won't always be stable as he works towards sobriety. I went through this first-hand with my hub and Al-Anon was a life-saver as well as a marriage saver for us.

While we might wish it was so, there is no "instant" fix. This is a huge change to the routine of your lives. Everyone will now need to learn new ways to live and interact with each other.

There is hope that you will have a wonderful marriage if you are also willing to work through steps to get there. Al-Anon will give you those steps as well as a circle of people who have or are walking in the same shoes.

I wish you the very best!

[gasping4air]

thank you so much the both of you for you informative and empathetic replies! my mind is fried tonight so I don't find any words to reply properly at the moment. please know I've read and appreciate your words a lot!

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- he sounds like a "dry drunk." He is doing the same behavior but he's not drinking! It sounds like he hasn't completely "surrendered" to the fact that he's an alcoholic, and needs a power greater than himself to restore him to sanity! If he keeps up like this, he will certainly drink again.

I hope the antidepressant helps -- but he's got anger issues that need addressing. I hope his therapist is helping him with this.

I know how difficult this must be for you --- you've been thru ALOT already being the wife of an alcoholic -- that's enough for anyone to deal with, let alone being abused when he gets sober! You must let him know that this kind of behavior isn't acceptable -- and if he's going to blow in the future, he can go out in the backyard and show the neighbors how he behaves!!! Let him know that if he wants any peace in the family, he's going to have to do his part! Just because he's getting sober doesn't give him license to act like an ***.

Best of luck & God bless. Keep us posted, please? Hugs, Lee

[gasping4air]

he sounds like a "dry drunk." He is doing the same behavior but he's not drinking! It sounds like he hasn't completely "surrendered" to the fact that he's an alcoholic, and needs a power greater than himself to restore him to sanity! If he keeps up like this, he will certainly drink again.

I hope the antidepressant helps -- but he's got anger issues that need addressing. I hope his therapist is helping him with this.

Yes, you certainly nailed it! Thank you for writing these words of understanding... feels good being validated in what I feel is happening.
The anger issues are crucial in this matter.
My husband lacks a "fighting spirit". He sees things in black and can't see and take energy from the little tiny things in life that I try to focus on to survive all this.

[DePressMe]

I agree with what most of the others have already said that maybe he is on a dry drunk. But maybe he is just going through a big change and is confused too. When I got sober, the first year was hell. My whole world got turned upside down. I could not handle the littlest of problems. I lashed out at others because I did not know what else to do. I wish I could give you some advice but I don't know what it would be. Maybe tolerance but not at the expense of him abusing you and or the children. It took time for me to learn how to be sober and it was not easy. And it was not easy for the people around me. I hope you can work thru these issues with your husband but I think you'll also have to set some boundaries to get that done.