[FleetingSanity]

Addicts always require more, more, more of everything that makes em' feel good ... even relationship wise (more of us ... less of themselves) more, more ... more us, less, lesser of them .. and this goes on and on and oneday we find ourselves wondering what the hell happened (we've given so much of ourselves over to our addicted loved one) that we have nothing left, but a memory of what we once were and the reality of what we've become is devastating ... We've consistantly weakened and yeilded living our lives for and around the addict, his/her addiction and the behavior thereof for so long, being caught up in trying to change the addict, save the addict, rescue the addict, sacraficing ourselves for the addict ... the addict, the Addict, the AdDiCt... morning, noon and night .. day in day out it spent all around and being all about the ADDICT and what he/she is or isn't doing or what she/he has or hasn't done, what they said or didn't say, whether they used or didn't use ... that by the time we actually plop down from sheer exhaustion and try to take a moment to breath or to think ... We are devastated at what not only what our lives have become, but more so what we've become in the process of trying to keep our addicted loved one away from and off of drugs ...

and then we begin the journey into trying to understand what the hell has and is happening to your life ... then to top things off you find that in order to make things better for you and for the ADDICT you have to let go and Let God ... then the fear sets in, "But what if" what if I let go and he/she gets hurt, or something bad happens or worse (our biggest fear)she/he ends up dead ... So we try to hold on only to find we've been holding our addicted loved one up and keeping their feet from touching the ground ... in other words (holding up the addict out of fear they will get hurt ... instead of letting go and letting them fall and realizing that the pain from the fall is just what the doctor ordered) Pain can be beneficial .. It can be a motivator, it can be a constant reminder that things need change in theirs and our lives ...

If you find yourself sitting there reading this and you are in pain because of and over your addicted loved one ... let that pain motivate you to seek out your recovery, your healing ...

You are not responsible to make it all better for your addicted loved one ... They are responsible for their own lives and how they live it ... and if drugs are chosen over all else then the pain, suffering, and consequences that ultimately come with the territory of being addicted belong to the addict and not the loved one of the addict ...

The very pain, consequences, trouble that you are trying to keep from happening to your addicted loved one ... Just might be the very thing that would bring them to rock bottom ... Get out of the way and Let the process begin

The longer you fight it ... the harder you make your own life ...

Besides you can't get around, over or under it ... You're going to have to walk through it to get to the otherside ...

It is usually because we are (or we think we are) at our wits end when we begin to look for answers to help us understand ... we read books, talk to counselors, search the net for answers ... some end up here ... searching, asking questions, trying to understand and make some kind of sense out of their lives ... You read, and read and read, step out and post, read replies, reply yourself and the others that have been down the path before you reach out to try to help you ... to try to take your hand and led you out, but are usually met with resistance, unsurity (should I stay or should I go) What will happen to the addict in my life if I let go to find myself ... Will they lose themselves in meth completely ... so you stay behind because your not quite ready to recovery yourself ... You still feel the need to watch over your addict ... You watch and watch as things decline as they decline and you fight, argue, yell, cry, beg, plead, rationalize, try logic .. only to find you've been beating your head against a brick wall and now to top things off you've busted open your head and not only is your head bleeding, but so is your heart ... Bleeding and crying out Please God, Make this all stop ... (gotta get out of the way so he can reach your addict)

This site is an information booth ... You come in all beat up, weathered from the storm ... you ask for directions ... and are given them, but they are no good UNLESS you follow them ... it takes courage, trust, faith, strength and a real desire to change NOT THE addict, but yourself ...

The addict is going to do what the addict does NO MATTER what you do ... and if you're living paralized waiting for the addict to change before you can go on with your life .. then you could be waiting a long, long time .. You think you're exhausted now ... it doesn't get any better till you get better ...

The best gift you can give yourself and your addicted loved one is YOUR OWN RECOVERY ... they can't do it for you ... you can't do it for them ... but each can do it for themselves ... and I can say this .. It is easier for the addict to out run you ... so if you plan on tryin to keep up you better get ready to be put through more hell then you've ever know before ...

It stops when you stop it ...

Passion
Recovering Addict

[mlyn]

wits end on other side too.

[desirae]

Well said, and very strictly to the point, I value that.

I'm in the process of letting go of some people out of my life. Not exactly kick them out forever, but go on with a distance, and focus on my own life. It's true that it gets so incredibly exhausting......worrying, thinking, the anger, the sadness, the fear, and the resentments. I'm so tired, that I'm now ready to let go. I need this time for me, and my babies.
It's easier to let go of my crack addicted mother, because she's so far away. But it's very difficult to let go of my 17 year old pregnant sister. She's due any day.

My sister isn't an alcohol, or drug addict......but a sex addict. She has had many partners during her pregnancy, and now the doctors are worried about the baby contracting an infection during the birthing process.

That's not the reason I want to let her go though. It's her attitude. She's the most disrespectful, angry, bitter....yet sad girl. I wanted to help her, I tried to reach out and say, Dana these boys only want one thing. But she never listened to me. Then she disrespected me after everything I done for her, by yelling at my two year old.

I know she's just a kid......but since she feels she's such a big girl, and she can do it all on her own, I'm going to focus on my babies, college, and my life. It's to much for me to worry about. I've really really tried. It kills me that I have to give up for now.

Thank you for posting this.........it's exactly what I feel....down to the commas.

Desirae

[mlyn]

LOL I have to laugh because this addict had to worry about the non addict per say was thinking acting ect..... there is always two sides to every story. My non addict came home wondering who came up in the drive when it was the gas man delivering our gas tank to keep warm in the winter. Lets get off the martyrr stump. srry but is not all so black and white. was long before this addict caused any prblms.

[FleetingSanity]

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mlyn said:
LOL I have to laugh because this addict had to worry about the non addict per say was thinking acting ect..... there is always two sides to every story. My non addict came home wondering who came up in the drive when it was the gas man delivering our gas tank to keep warm in the winter. Lets get off the martyrr stump. srry but is not all so black and white. was long before this addict caused any prblms.

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Mlyn,

If you don't mind me asking .. are you currently using or are you a recovering addict? The reason I am asking is because you refer to yourself as a addict ... and I know that once an addict always an addict ...

Sherry,
Recovering Addict