Addicted???

Im addicted I know it.. I cant go a night without my whiskey... but with my NOT drinking during the day and only drinking at night,, is that so bad?? I know it is.. Im on meds for Borderline, depression, anxiety and multiple sclerosis.. My MS drugs have a bad effect on my liver.. I drink till im wasted EVERY night. I want to stop.. I was posting here not to long agao and stopped bc I wasnt ready.. am I ready now?? I dont know... Drinking.. drunkness... my escape... nothing worries me, I have no fears.. but when im sobr i fear my drinking will cause me great harm.. my shrink says AA.. I have yet to go.. I want to go but I have no one to go with and Im afaid if I sober up then I wont be able to enjoy a party every once n a while but then again.. alcoholics.. need to be sober right?? I dunno.. so scared.. so confused.. dont want to drink but SOOOOO want to.. does anyone get it???

Be very careful, firstly, drinking because as you mention--the liver, the alcoholism, that kind of thing...but also, mixing it with the drugs, even if you don't intentionally do so, it is not a good combination...

Raynaadi and some others in this forum are very good at helping you get the help you need. AA would honestly be good for you, I think, if not for the AA thing, at least to hear other stories and relate them to your issues.

A lot of addicts do not feel "addicted" because they are not like others who are addicted--but its not the comparison with others that make us addicted or not, its what the alcohol or whatever does to us.

Best wishes, of course.

Hi Christine. Speaking from my experience, it took me many months to finally want to quit drinking for good. It messed with my meds i was taking and none were working for me. Not one med i took helped in any way. I was the same as you. I drank whatever i had or stopped at the store to get that day. And i drank it all till i past out.

It has been so hard to stop. I've messed up a million times. There was a few months there the most i could go without drinking was only 2 or 3 days. Cause i would start getting bad stomach pains and just feeling like total crap. So i'd drink again to make that pain go away. Now that its been 27 days since I stopped, I still have strong urges and temptations to drink. Just this past weekend, where i live we celebrate Mardi Gras. So hanging out at a parade with friends who were all drinking was pretty rough for me. Thank goodness for me my drunk friends are also a support for me. A few times that day i said, i give up, im drinking and one of them would say no, dont do it. They talked to me and got my mind on something else.

If your ready to stop drinking. Stop. Come meet with us here in chat on tuesday nights for recovery chat. I know it always helps each one of us by participating in this chat. It's a support group for addictions.

I'm not that crzay about going to AA either. I've gone to two meetings. The first one i went to triggered me badly. Then I tried again going to a differnet AA meeting. It wasnt so bad. Everyone there was very nice. I'm sure i will go back again. I'm just not ready to do that yet. But i do have a very good friend who is working the steps with me. She's helping me more than she will ever know.

Maybe you could find a friend where you live to go with you to the meeting. If not, try going on your own. They wont bite your head off there. Heck, i sat out in my truck and smoked cigarette after cigarette till it was 7 on the dot. I was so nervous and paranoid. Then i made myself get out the truck and go in.

I wish you alot of luck and hope to see you next tuesday in Recovery chat. Take care.

((((( Christine ))))))

Chalmette is a good one to talk to. She said it all really...I remember when I first got sober, it was others in early recovery who I clung to, because they were going through it too, that early sobriety stuff.

I too, only drank at night during the week. On weekends I'd wait till noon. A year in to my sobriety I got diagnosed with MS. I screamed at the er doc, "what the f**k did I bother getting sober for???" She said sobriety was the best thing I could do for my MS. I stayed sober through it, and now I'm back to work in my field. Didn't work for a year and a half after my diagnosis, but doing my injections, and staying sober, have kept me from having any flairups.

Keep posting here, try going to a meeting. Get a sponsor, a woman who's worked the steps herself and who also has a sponsor, and who will work the steps with you. Get a fellowship of people you can talk to. We have a good little fellowship here on PC and on Tuesdays, like Chalm said, we come together and chat.

Its possible to get sober and have fun! Heck Chalm still went to her parade! I go play pool in a league every Sunday. After awhile its possible to go places in sobriety. Its easy to think life is over at first, but in sobriety, life is just beginning!

I find your situation so similar to mine..........amazing. This may be lengthy because your post just touched me. As you see on my ticker signature.....I've been sober for about 4 days. I am what I call a no holds barred binge drinker. I love beer, I love whiskey, and while I know what tequila does to me (terrible hangover) I used to still indulge. Yes, the WANT to drink is still there, and always will be.

While I am still in the very early stages of not having a drink I think about having a life TOTALLY without alcohol. It seems so foreign & strange. I think to myself "How do people go their whole lives without a drink?". But, on the flip side - there are people who do it EVERY DAY. You will find many of them on here. This is a great place for private, positive support.

As for AA - I totally understand your fear. I refuse to go in the small town I live in because "Everybody knows everybody." However, I have a friend who is in AA after almost losing his life due to alcohol before xmas and he is willing to take me to his group - which I am grateful for. I say give them a call - see if there is a person there of your same gender that you can talk to over the phone about support for coming............great thing about a phone - they have no clue as to who you are. Incognito.

If when you are sober you are thinking about what alcohol does to you -then there is a problem. I was a night and weekend drinker too. Just like you. Drink til' its gone....thinking that if it was all gone I would not drink the next night. WHATEVER..There's a store on every corner. I have a half a gallon of whiskey on top of my fridge. In these four days it has not even tempted me in the least bit. I think I have really stopped caring about alcohol. I keep it in my mind how crappy I would feel the next day if I took that drink. How my job performance would be terrible, and how I could hurt my family and friends.

I say you call AA - see what they say. If there are no gender alikes there - try another. If one on one counseling is up your alley and you can afford it - try that. If PC helps you use it. BUT - I don't advocate doing it on your own - as alcoholics - we are our own worst enemy. We can manipulate ourselves and our brain into anything as we see fit. Sometimes we need that outer voice to help us. Don't be afraid to ask. I think you will be glad you did.

I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart!

It took me many years to admit that I had a problem seek treatment only to relapse. I finally lost a really good job due to drinking - don't let yourself get to that stage. For the longest time, I thought I was ok because I only drank in the evenings and on weekends and then at some point it just progressed to needing to drink in the morning. I have a litlle over 2 months sober now, and it's the best decision I've ever made. Sure it's scary sometimes, but I've had fun in sobriety and look forward to having even more fun as my journey progresses.

I remember being terrified of my first AA mtg, but I did exactly what the guy on the AA hotline told me to do, which was to walk in and ask to speak to the group secretary. I told her I was new and she was wonderful. She gave me lots of literature to read, and a copy of the big book, telling me I could pay for it later. She also introduced me to a bunch of other people at the meeting. AA is now part of my life line.

Do try to come to our recovery chat on Tuesday - it's a great place to get support.

---splitimage

even if your not ready, keep posting maybe we can be an influence and you will be ready to fight the alcohol battle.