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#1
Dec 17, 2011, 01:02 AM
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....how I am moved around by the bottle,,,
once it hits me! |
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#2
Dec 17, 2011, 08:03 AM
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how ****ing agonising it is to be an alcoholic......
i am dis-appointed with my world... i drink to get some relief |
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#3
Dec 18, 2011, 06:32 AM
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alcohol is not a new thing...
it's been around for years... thousands of years.. in the beginning some dude discovered it and got pissed....and it was really good I spose people primitive and still people...went about making more alcohol.. and today...in this blitzed world... we all get pissed! from the same formula does the drink cause the problems to drink more?.... or are there problems to cause the drinking to begin with? I don't know.... I am a simple human amongst millions who have problems..... and someone way back....a-long way back decided they felt better |
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#4
Dec 18, 2011, 06:49 AM
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Good question, what came first the chicken or the egg? I felt better it is true..and then I felt like *****, alchemy in reverse, gold turned to the commonest of ores. Feeling like ***** every day gets old...The kiss of the bottle is the kiss of a *****; her sweet embrace is entirely illusory. She'll drug you and if you let her, she'll take your wallet, your clothes, your heart, your life.
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#5
Dec 18, 2011, 07:21 AM
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Quote:
really |
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#6
Dec 18, 2011, 07:29 AM
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....what about 'gulas'...?
if my life is already taken.... punished in all aspects can I let her seduce me until I perish? that dripping pleasure of unthirsty gulp! the alcoholic is a vastly supreme uncomfortable individual.... why would anybody continue to damage themselves... she is a seductress...a ***** and looking sideways at me... paying no attention....and **** her she can wear my clothes ....but she don't need them |
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#7
Dec 18, 2011, 07:49 AM
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Dubblemonkey, I don't know quite what to make of you...but it's clear you're some sort of sage-and poet. Precious stones gleaming everywhere in your rubble. I hope you can get sober and draw sustenance from the knowledge that on this day your wild, jangly words found a mark. Nothing is written my friend, your naked discomfort may yet bear fruit.
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#8
Dec 18, 2011, 07:58 AM
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Quote:
I don't know what to make of me either! I am a person on Earth... I have issues...I wonder, I suffer...I wander about in a confusion. despite the agony of living? I defy death every day....as we all do this is our time to live and be US! whoever we are I have no regrets I have suffered enough I didn't even know my toes were curled up so tight....as if they were needed |
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#9
Dec 18, 2011, 08:05 AM
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I blame crap we learn at school, it stunts human developement,
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#10
Dec 18, 2011, 08:10 AM
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yeh matey... predetermined sophistication! unlike the gifts we have implanted at birth our identity...like fumbling babies...everyone staggers around.. it's true and amusing...but everyone wants to avoid that they are all just big babies with denim nappies hehe Last edited by Anonymous32912; Dec 18, 2011 at 08:27 AM. |
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#11
Dec 18, 2011, 08:22 AM
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Thats why there always trying to get rid of xxxx.
And dumping it on other people. |
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#12
Dec 18, 2011, 08:28 AM
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I say screw them |
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#13
Dec 18, 2011, 11:40 AM
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...I have had 72 litres of very strong beer in 16 days,,,,
and I am yawning a little worried I am an alco and my tolerance is amazing... I have insomnia and I am an idiot I have the shakes and I mumble to myself.... but it's ok |
 Perna
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#14
Dec 18, 2011, 12:12 PM
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It is not okay to be a worried, call one's self an idiot, have insomnia because alcohol will not allow one to sleep well, have the shakes and mumble to yourself. Get some help!
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#15
Dec 18, 2011, 12:19 PM
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maybe you are right
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#16
Dec 18, 2011, 12:27 PM
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Do you have a friend who can help you out there? Family? You're starting to worry us all. You need to know that the more you tell us, the more we feel responsible for you.
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#17
Dec 18, 2011, 12:28 PM
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....
why expend such energy destroying my world...? a veteran addict can adjust and stabilise even the most tumultuous times... as I am currently doing.. there is a reason for pushing the body and mind to what is considered....beyond regularity.. a harm inside must be identified and can only be achieved through abuse! don't tell me to 'get help'!... thankyou....but thats very conditional and unfortunate, I chose this pain.....and not for pleasure.... to embrace life I must get close to death thanks Perna.... everyone should get 'help' no-one has a clue we are just guests on this Earth |
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#18
Dec 18, 2011, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
crap...I never expected that...this.. please do not feel responsible... my skeleton holds me up .... I am alone....tough....gentle... amused and miserable... can't sleep though.... but it's ok... I am sure there is something better and you have proven it to me |
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#19
Dec 18, 2011, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
dubblemonkey, if you have concerns re yr drinking you may find this article helpful. the fourth stage can also lead to death. i've witnessed this firsthand with friends. one doesn't have to go that far down the line. admitting, as you have, that you have a problem with drinking can be the first step towards recovery from this disease.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#20
Dec 18, 2011, 12:49 PM
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I am avoiding the stage 4 with beer, I know my body will recover... something has upset me....and my organs simply have to catch up to my emotions. I don't endorse deliberate death.... something has upset me and my confusion about it has got me out of control but it will be ok |
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#21
Dec 18, 2011, 12:59 PM
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....the strange thing is?
....I like to shake... to throw up in the sink..... to hold my pillows like they might save my life to reject all my percieved comittments to fall apart in the shower.... to take a deep breath and know I am real to panic is not good.... to feel my heart struggling is not good... to get twitches and spasms nightmares and featherbed there must be something in it? all my real friends have died...... from this exact same thing... the people who love me have not the thirst that I have |
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#22
Dec 18, 2011, 01:15 PM
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....making the decision?
the addict barely recognises consequenses.....but instant feelings apart from the ones available... to force a new world on me....! I sit back and even though I am unwell....I remember just how unwell I was..... tracking down all chemicals I could find and pass into my bloodstream.. an utter riot of a human... wasting time....but I was down....hurt... I did anything to get high pulled myself down into little pieces and stirred them up in a black bowl..... my heart is skipping a bit but it's ok |
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#23
Dec 18, 2011, 01:59 PM
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in my experiences before getting sober there was no beauty in throwing up in the "porcelin goddess", hand tremors, leg temors, being shackled to the bottle 24/7. waking up in DT's and hoping to get to the bottle downstairs-i wasn't a creative drinker-before i dry heaved and then throwing up bile. one time i suddenly had a revelation...i hadn't put anything in my body but booze for 5 days. not a bit of food. nor water. i opened a can of corn and ate it out of the can. i wasn't even hungry. no beauty in that either. sorrowful looking at best.
i ran from my feelings. i only wanted to numb them, make them go away, to make my life's despair to disappear. i stayed emotionless for 5 years. no tears, no joy, no freedom, no life. at the end alcohol had even taken away my desire to live. i was so incredibly exhausted from having to compulsively drink. no life but alcohol. no hope, so helpless to stop the viscious cycle. lost my soul. alcohol promised me the world and lied, lied, lied. it was destroying me both physically, emotionally. it was driving me insane. i prayed for death. i hope something i've replied may be something you can relate to. there's nothing about addiction that one likes for any length of time, imho. i can offer you hope but only if you want it. are you ready to be courageous enough to stare into the eyes of the demon? there is hope and a solution but only if you want it. from the big book of AA- "The Promises" From the Book ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Chapter 6 - "INTO ACTION" (Page 86) .....If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. 1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness, 2. We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it, 3. We will comprehend the word serenity, 4. And we will know peace. 5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. 6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. 7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain insight into our fellows. 8. Self-seeking will slip away. 9. Our whole attitude and outlook will change. 10. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. 11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for outselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.....
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand Last edited by madisgram; Dec 18, 2011 at 02:14 PM. |
 beauflow, Caretaker Leo
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#24
Dec 18, 2011, 02:16 PM
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yes...
I have the ugly demon ..... I can look at him... the demon is so familiar....... sit;s in my back pocket...... I just threw up in my hand..... but the birds are singing my consumption is beyond ability... I went to hospital last week and blew .4404 I heard a whisper from a medic that it was unbelievable again some crazy thing and I was standing still UNAWARE the miraculous alcoholic me.... I don't know what else to say |
| beauflow
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#25
Dec 18, 2011, 02:44 PM
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Quote:
or are you troubled enough to post but not ready or willing for a positive change in your life in regards to your drinking?
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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