...I have little to say about this and I'm pleased enough about that! I am not new to being sober for a while and really wanting to have a drink.
Today was no different to any other day when I've had the urge... But I am just too damn scared to do anything about it!......I become the worst version of me and I'm afraid of me like that

[madisgram]

good question, DM. here are some things that worked for me:
double up on meetings

sharing at meetings about what's going on with you-your courage will help others to contribute tho they've remained silent up til now. oldtimers can relate and offer suggestions.

talk with your sponsor or get one!

reflect back on your drinking/drug use and how out of control you felt.

write a gratitude list about your sobriety and the joys you have now. don't just put anything down, be "real" with your list. read it often during the day(s).

re-read your old posts here. it will remind you of where you've come from.

reach out to the newcomer. offer them your phone number.

keep posting here at pc. it helps.

I've seen the hell and felt the hell caused by drinking alcohol and using illigal drugs.

[Perna]

Literally doing something else I enjoy or socializing with people/a person I enjoy and not putting myself in a drinking situation (not socializing at a bar, for example :-) helps me the most. Accepting the urge but reminding myself of the bigger picture I am trying for, kind of like when I am working on eating a healthy diet and am attracted to something not part of it.

...I had to read those things there a few times to understand the practical value of them, because I am often totally blinded by urges and fears. I really get the 'hell' bit there Brook!

That basically explains where I am at....its either HELL....or NOT HELL!

I have yet to find 'things' I immediately prefer to be doing yet....there is a big hole to fill in my personal little world there.

I think madisgram....you remind me of that grateful list now that I write this and realise that there is more good stuff going on in my little world and the 'hole' actually aint so deep!...

..and Perna, to somehow 'scale' down the urge into something managable relative to everything else....I can sure see the benefit there.

...and maybe thats just it....having the intense fear works for me but I lack understanding of it? So I am afraid of the HELL I would find myself in....afraid of losing all the good things in my little messy world and this is the real and bigger picture.....??

I am certain this is part of it....but when I get right down to it I really am immensely scared of what I am capable of when the alcohol hits, what I beome, how my thinking turns on me and the world...scared of how I treat myself like my own enemy....the intense hate and disgust rips me apart inside.
thats the real thing that stops me these days...the fear of turning on myself again.

DM

[Edge11]

[QUOTE=dubblemonkey;2297364]...I have little to say about this and I'm pleased enough about that! I am not new to being sober for a while and really wanting to have a drink.
Today was no different to any other day when I've had the urge... But I am just too damn scared to do anything about it!......I become the worst version of me and I'm afraid of me like that[/QUOTE

This says it all!!! Thanks dubblemonkey..

...this will sound totally ridiculous and I don't care much I guess cos I'm gonna put it here anyway.

it's now two days I think since I put this thread up here and there has been a change. I am still scared but it's different because I am now afraid because I am not scared to drink all of a sudden.

how warped is that?...I'm scared now of the fact that I'm not afraid to drink!....thats how incessant these thoughts have been lately.
chipping away at my logic...making me second guess myself
...I am suspicious there is some serious dumbass alcohology at work here?

but

I still have not picked it up...?

[madisgram]

good for you for not picking up, dm. we are uncomfortable when we are sober and not thinking about a drink when our lives have always had the drama associated with drinking. maybe having a healthy fear of alcohol and all that comes with it may help. make sense? moderation and balance is the key. you need not go to extremes. we/i are complicated people.

Originally Posted by madisgram

good for you for not picking up, dm. we are uncomfortable when we are sober and not thinking about a drink when our lives have always had the drama associated with drinking. maybe having a healthy fear of alcohol and all that comes with it may help. make sense? moderation and balance is the key. you need not go to extremes. we/i are complicated people.

...makes sense...yes m.
this bit in the middle is drivin' me nuts! I cannot get a grasp onto it, the extremes only, I know what to do with....even though they make life crazy.

am complicated for sure...you aint wrong there.

thanks m

[Leed]

What keeps me from picking up a drink is remembering the looks of disgust on my family's face.

Remembering the looks of disgust on my OWN face the morning after!

Remembering the blackouts I'd have & hours not knowing what I did or where I was.

Remembering the total lack of self-esteem and hatred I felt for myself --- the guilt, shame & remorse.

I could go on and on -- but I think you have the idea. It took a long time to get rid of these feelings, and make amends for my actions. I no longer have to live in fear anymore, which is how I lived for many years. Living sober is the BEST gift I could have given myself!

God bless and stay strong! Hugs, Lee

[itsybitsyteenytiny]

wish I could drink but....
what stops me is the clear memory of the feeling of almost dying because of alcohol intoxication, and the knowlege that I am literally allergic and could die if I drink any alcohol whatsoever.

[roads]

Originally Posted by itsybitsyteenytiny

wish I could drink but....
what stops me is the clear memory of the feeling of almost dying because of alcohol intoxication, and the knowlege that I am literally allergic and could die if I drink any alcohol whatsoever.

You hang onto that clear memory/feeling of almost dying, itsybitsyteenytiny, and be very grateful for it if that's what's keeping you sober. If you are an alcoholic (& it sure sounds that way), then you need to consider your drinking days over.

But the great thing is that you don't have to make a lifetime commitment.

Each day, you commit to sobriety for the next 24 hours. If that becomes too much, you commit to one hour--and call on a support network you begin now building for yourself so you're not in this all by yourself. How does that sound?

Roadie