...well stuffed if I know how to do it? I mean really know how!

I'm doing it...but not very well. It is exhausting, I feel clumsy as hell...there seem to be just far too many variables in a conversation now.

I am not saying that I was ever any good at talking to people...more like I just didn't care about what I said....at least not until I sobered up later on and then that was easy fixed!

....some people said I used to just repeat myself alot but I 'seeeemed' to know what I was talking about they said, and the rest of the time I was alone anyway so didn't have to talk and if I did then I just didn't think about what I said and that was a successful conversation then?

So I was drunk alot...and talked like a drunk alot and listened like a drunk alot...which aint at all!....socially invulnerable but who cared anyway?

Now I'm sober...no skills...there are just so many damn options in a conversation now....I have to think so carefully what I say....I can't just blurt crap out anymore....not if I want to have any self respect!

I really don't know what I mean anymore in this sober verbal expanse!...and I have a complete record of all the words that exit my mouth all of a sudden and the details of all the minute gestures and signals and subliminal whatevers?

It's an anxiety nightmare being hyperaware. I miss the control I had over it even though I was way out of control. I sit in my little seat wondering about this new and clumsy feature on my face....this mouth that does not feel like it belongs....when not so long ago, when so many liquids went in... and so many more words came out! I would have easily said.. "hey I'm pissed ...and this is what I'm sayin' !"

This post represents only one of a hundred things I could have written about it!...scary...there is little rest.
my friends here and around are helping very much...thankyou

[ladyjane4rent]

I am having the same issue. Any social gathering at all I wish I could go head strong buzzed or drunk. But unfortunately my child's schoolyard friend's birthday parties are not appropriate.. nor is AA haha. I am coping with my social anxiety, my therapist told me to stop avoiding social interactions and situations. My attempt: I talked to a lady while smoking a cigarette tonight [at work, on break] I wouldn't normally do this, normally I stare at my shoes or somewhere in the distance. I realized most people enjoy the blank monotony of redundant rituals such as "hello." "how are you?" "good how are you?" "good." "weather bla bla bla" "yeah.. hot.. blablabla.. cold blablal"
I see no point in saying anything at all if you have to be trapped in this pointless meandering. BUT I noticed people seem to flock towards it. I stick to one rule in conversing with normal human beings [those that aren't drunk is what I mean]: always tell the truth or how you feel unless it is inappropriately or irrelevantly negative for no one wants to hear a whine-***.

Help at all? ha, sorry for the round about response.

P.S. I find myself stuttering a lot more while sober and being nervous about saying the right thing. Boy, that is embarrassing!

Originally Posted by ladyjane4rent

I am having the same issue. Any social gathering at all I wish I could go head strong buzzed or drunk. But unfortunately my child's schoolyard friend's birthday parties are not appropriate.. nor is AA haha. I am coping with my social anxiety, my therapist told me to stop avoiding social interactions and situations. My attempt: I talked to a lady while smoking a cigarette tonight [at work, on break] I wouldn't normally do this, normally I stare at my shoes or somewhere in the distance. I realized most people enjoy the blank monotony of redundant rituals such as "hello." "how are you?" "good how are you?" "good." "weather bla bla bla" "yeah.. hot.. blablabla.. cold blablal"
I see no point in saying anything at all if you have to be trapped in this pointless meandering. BUT I noticed people seem to flock towards it. I stick to one rule in conversing with normal human beings [those that aren't drunk is what I mean]: always tell the truth or how you feel unless it is inappropriately or irrelevantly negative for no one wants to hear a whine-***.

Help at all? ha, sorry for the round about response.

P.S. I find myself stuttering a lot more while sober and being nervous about saying the right thing. Boy, that is embarrassing!

..yep, no worries at all ladyjane....I get what you mean.

I reckon you are right...that most people (the not drunk peoples), they really do like the "monotony of redundant ritual"...(I like your description) in the chit chat ...and I guess it's cos they like to feel like everything around them really is 'alright' kinda thing or 'normal' (hmmm?)....the blablabla has some safe familiarity or something, I've never done it because everythings just been full on in my own mental world. so gotta learn how to. yep I get the stuttering a bit to just going anxiously blank and not knowing what the hell to say beyond the 'howdy'....and not freak people out or offend them? and acting over cool about it but looking totally stupid at the same time.I guess it doesn't matter and just make stuff up.....as long as it's true stuff and not whingy crap....

I get home after being out all day around people and just feel like I've been mentally violated by my own insecurities and I want to rip my brain out and jump on it!.....

[madisgram]

j, it all comes out in the wash!!! what's happening is you are changing. the longer you stay clean and sober the more comfortable you will get in your new "skin". as for expressing yourself i think you have a lot of skills you just don't see. i love to converse with you. hold onto your reins. you are for the best ride of your life!

hi dubblemonkey,

I had trouble socializing with out chemicals and booze also.

It was difficult to learn to have a conversation, without causing someone to walk away, seemingly confused.

I learned to use "I" statements. Such as; I think... or I feel...

In short, don't pretend to be an authority of a topic or anything, unless you really are and can defend you statements from those who will doubt your beliefs or invalidate your thought. We can "think" whatever we want. Doing or pretending to know; that will always cause you and me problems.

Sometimes I'll talk about the weather or what I had for breakfast.

This works for me.

The big issues, leave with your dr. My advice, but if you need to vent, that is OK also, I believe. Just make sure you listener is willing,

Sometimes people have so many responsabilities, they can't stop and nurture us.

It isn't fair, but neither is life. Or so I've observed.

G'luck dubble monkey

peace Brook.

[gma45]

I also find it hard to start a conversation with someone, I worry that they will see the insecurity I am feeling. I sometimes feel I can't catch my breath. I try to relax and just go for it. I don't like the over thinking of everything that is going on in my head. Relax, relax, relax....

[summeryoga]

j, you do just great every time i talk to you by phone - way better than when you weren't sober ... so there!