Please help.

On Friday night I attended a work/school event that was very hard for me. I thought for sure that I would win an award that would really help to advance my career. When I didn't win, I waited the rest of the awards out but went out to my car. I bummed a cigarette (I don't smoke), but saw a bar across the street from the venue. Since then I've been drinking both yesterday and all day today. Not enough to get messed up, but enough to deal with what's been going on. I feel horrible... sad, upset, and lost. I started re-reading a book this morning, "Blue Like Jazz," which is about finding God in the strangest of places. I don't know if this is the answer for me but right now I'm doubting my future, regretting my past, and feel a lot of resent toward my actions. I've been working so hard for so long. It seems petty, but in all honesty, the award that was given is much bigger than you can imagine. What makes it the worst is that the person who won lost because of a physical ailment. The people who voted gave the award to her for being able to complete her work despite her ailment, but several of them know that I suffer from depression and anxiety. It makes me sad to know that, once again, mental illness doesn't count as a "real" illness. And for that, I lost my chance at an award that really would have advanced my career. And I truly believe that I deserved it. My grades and work in the classroom prove that. But either way, now I'm feeling alone and sad. Please, anyone... Just some words of encouragement to help heal my broken heart. I need some motivation to keep moving forward and to put down the drinks.

Aww honey, put down the drink. It aint gonna do a thing for yu. I am sorry you are so hurt and dissapointed. I think part of the reason I am responding to you is because I relate. I wanted this job so bad, Interviewed well, thought I had good shot-nope, again....but I really , really wanted this job. Well, ya pick up the pieces and go on. This is not the end for you in any way. You are young and have so much ahead of you. Who know's what's in store? I heard it said it is good mental health to work hard towards a goal and when you don't acheive it, you feel dissapointed, hurt etc. That's normal. It is acknowleging it, accepting it, and moving on. Glad you posted my dear. Hang in there. THere are other opportunities around the corner. Can't wait to hear about your next one....hugs....

those of us who abused alcohol, imho, did it to escape reality. it only sabotages our own self worth. we create excuses to drink. dog died, dog lived, etc. our feelings are within that. keep moving forward re your career and be hopeful. if you drink it only exacerbates your problems. breaking the cycle of defeatism will bring good rersults. i wish you well.

I hope the drinking has stopped and you are moving on with your career. Sometimes things don't always go as we wish but we must stay strong and carry on. I hope al is well.

So where are you now, bjtds3? Did you get on with your life?
Sure hope you're not out there drinking.

Hope by now you've figured out you had the real award with you all the time. You just had to keep hold of it. I'm here if I can be of any help.

Roadie