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  #1  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 03:18 AM
Anonymous32912
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...it's done

my biggest fear has hit me in the face

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  #2  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 06:18 AM
Anonymous32912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dubblemonkey View Post
...it's done

my biggest fear has hit me in the face
....so it's up to me to pull myself out of this!

I give all of myself

and I understand the restrictions necessary for the fallen
  #3  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 07:00 AM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Location: Cape Town South Africa
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I'll listen if you want to talk J, can't promise to understand, and maybe that's exactly what you need, but I'm here anyway, and I'm not going anywhere. Not even if you chase me with an axe!
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  #4  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 07:07 AM
Anonymous32912
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Originally Posted by Trippin2.0 View Post
I'll listen if you want to talk J, can't promise to understand, and maybe that's exactly what you need, but I'm here anyway, and I'm not going anywhere. Not even if you chase me with an axe!

I'm at that point trippin baby!

it's all got a bit too much for me

but I still keep goin"
  #5  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 07:25 AM
Anonymous32912
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Originally Posted by Trippin2.0 View Post
I'll listen if you want to talk J, can't promise to understand, and maybe that's exactly what you need, but I'm here anyway, and I'm not going anywhere. Not even if you chase me with an axe!
..well..you really got me putting my weapons down!

I have many...but not for this occassion..xxoo
  #6  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 11:29 AM
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madisgram madisgram is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Sunny East Coast Florida!
Posts: 6,873
j, i used to have a lot of depression before going on meds and repeatedly failed holding onto sobriety. i kept saying my depression would be better tomorrow-NOT-and didn't contact my doc. it felt ike i was self sabotaging success. and that was exactly what i was doing. i chose to believe i really couldn't stay sober. i needed to learn to reach out before i drank with my doc, AA, and if i had know about pc-tho wasn't invented yet-i would have discussed what was going on with me here. i put up my own barriers.
r u comfortable talking about what led up to your drinking? we'd like to support you.
i'm glad u posted what happened. that is a start, j.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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Thanks for this!
summeryoga
  #7  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 11:35 AM
summeryoga summeryoga is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2011
Posts: 329
Though I can't talk to you till you sober up - in part out of love for myself, know that I love you and miss you terribly.

xo
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  #8  
Old Apr 24, 2012, 11:56 AM
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ChaoticSymphony ChaoticSymphony is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by summeryoga View Post
Though I can't talk to you till you sober up - in part out of love for myself, know that I love you and miss you terribly.

xo
Hey monkster. So you fell off. You wont be the first or the last buddy. Get back on and dust yourself off again. Identify your trigger and talk about it like you always do. Remember how "full on" sobriety is? You taught me that. Find that guy in you again. Love you
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  #9  
Old Apr 25, 2012, 08:58 AM
Anonymous32912
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....I spend most of the day washing!

what?...unintended activities...and I did all this so peacefully it's amazing!

I am an alcoholic...

I planned not to be and yet I became....

the inner depths of understanding were incomplete it seems?
there was not enough
there will never be enough
...

so much to drink...provided by me I threw up my breakfast before I even made it to the bottleshop!

not a drop had hit me and I was tasting the succour of C2 H5 OH

..seriously, this permanently benevolent guest in my life

came calling again!

gripped and desirable and additionally given pause...I vomit on my dear bed.

holy crap it's all over!!...not my dear bed my comfort but it's minimalised!

the washing took many hours to coordinate and no food has entered my body.

ALCOHOL....saves me from itself ....how superordinary...

this cycle bereft!

this emotional cleft

this day gone by and left.
Hugs from:
gma45
  #10  
Old Apr 25, 2012, 02:09 PM
Anonymous32912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaoticSymphony View Post
Hey monkster. So you fell off. You wont be the first or the last buddy. Get back on and dust yourself off again. Identify your trigger and talk about it like you always do. Remember how "full on" sobriety is? You taught me that. Find that guy in you again. Love you
..hey chaos baby!...awesome words.!

and ...and just quietly I ...

cannot be quiet!

dust off!

I like it...

thankyou dear buddy

I remember all the brilliant things about you very easily right now....very cool...
  #11  
Old Apr 26, 2012, 09:34 AM
madisgram's Avatar
madisgram madisgram is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Sunny East Coast Florida!
Posts: 6,873
so j, how goes it now?
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
  #12  
Old Apr 26, 2012, 10:21 AM
Anonymous32912
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Originally Posted by madisgram View Post
so j, how goes it now?

J....it goes ok!
  #13  
Old Apr 26, 2012, 10:26 AM
Anonymous32912
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this thing got me...it called me...and I had my mouth open to answer!

and here I am....I might die!

PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT HURT
Hugs from:
gma45
  #14  
Old Apr 26, 2012, 10:41 AM
Anonymous32912
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......

I have given in

my alcoholic mind has made sense
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gma45
  #15  
Old Apr 26, 2012, 05:55 PM
gma45's Avatar
gma45 gma45 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: In & out of my mind!
Posts: 4,196
I am sorry you had to go though that again as I have many times. It's our bodies trying to tell us it is time for a change. Sometimes that change is so hard to make especially if you are like me and hate change. I wish you well.
  #16  
Old Apr 26, 2012, 06:05 PM
gma45's Avatar
gma45 gma45 is offline
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Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: In & out of my mind!
Posts: 4,196
You are not alone even though the bottle would like you to think it is your only friend...Don't buy it it is a lie! Again I wish you well!
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