[splitimage]

Hi guys,

I'm struggling. I'm coming up on 8 months sober from alcohol and clean from codeine, but I'm really fighting urges to say F-it and relapse. I'm kind of stressed with my rather busy school / therapy schedule, but what's getting to me is the emotions. I'm bursting into tears over almost everything, or I'm flying off the handle. I know I'm feeling stuff more intensely because I'm used to numbing everything with alcohol. I'm also fighting urges to SI, because I really don't want to go back there, but I really badly want something to take the edge off, even though I know it would be epicly stupid, self destructive and dangerous.

I just need some reassurance that If I stay sober and keep working the steps and going to meetings, and do well in school, that things will eventually get better.

I need help believing that it's possible to turn my life around right now.

Thanks.

splitimage

[Leed]

EAT CHOCOLATE~~~ It sounds stupid, but it WILL help with the urges to drink. Usually we tell that to newcomers, and even tho you've got 8 mos. sober, it might help you too. It replaces the sugar that we're used to gettiing from the booze. Alcohol has LOADS of sugar in it, and when we quit drinking, we're not getting that sugar anymore -- so EAT CHOCOLATE and it really DOES help!! Brother, I ate a LOAD of chocolate when i first got sober, and it sure helped me!!! It made the cravings much easier to bear. MUCH easier.

And YES it gets better as long as you stay busy and take your mind off it. Stick with the winners too. Do things with other AA members outside of AA. If you have time, see other AA members socially. Go out for coffee, or watch movies together, or whatever. AA isn't JUST meetings. Members DO get together and do stuff.

But please don't throw this all away -- tell your therapist about ALL your emotions, and exactly how you're feeling. Also, do you have a SPONSOR in AA?? If you don't GET ONE. Find a person who has QUALITY sobriety, not necessarily quantity sobriety. Just cause someone has 25yrs doesn't mean they'll be a good sponsor. Make sure they're working the steps, and are walking the walk. If they're a mean, nasty dry-drunk, you sure don't want HIM as a sponsor. Find someone who seems to have some serenity, who has a few years under his belt, and is working the steps in his life.

You've got a GREAT START ON A NEW LIFE -- and you're going to MAKE IT. Stay with us, cause it only gets better! God bless and keep posting. We're with you 100%. Hugs, Lee

[gma45]

You have come so far! Whats up? lets talk about it. I have faith that it will get better. Chocolate Leed? That is why I was hooked on york peppermint patties a while back, I get it now. Thanks Leed. I have my days or should I say moments everyday it seems that I just want to cry. Splitimage I think it is all right to cry we have buried feelings for so long that now they just want to come out and we will feel better once they do.

[madisgram]

oh things will get better spiltimage. so much better you will be amazed. staying sober is the greatest gift one can give to themself. we used chemicals so long to numb ourselves and lost that part of our life. today you can say "nevermore. i will not enable my addiction to dictate to me. you have broken the chains of bondage." you now know that life is so much more. full of joy, serenity, and peace.
intellectually you know this is true. you've already benefitted by staying sober. maybe it will help to emotionally put in place these facts with your struggle. YOU are deserving of a LIFE. you have great value sober. perhaps a gratitude list will help. in your case a two fold one. one column-what benefits did i receive when i wasn't sober? the other-what benefits have i found being sober?
one thought i had is that you have many means of support irl. your schedule may be overwhelming right now. i'd talk about your feelings with your support system. it goes back to that saying, keep it simple. you are once again managing your life but those life skills are new to you. it takes a while to balance things out. just hang in there and keep the vision. everything in your life becomes more balanced the longer you are sober.

I need help believing that it's possible to turn my life around right now.

you are already turning your life around. keep the HOPE. stay the course.
i hope something i've posted may help you.

[beauflow]

(((Split Image)))

Leed, Gma and Madisgram are pros at this They with in themselves of responding and sharing their stories are hope, they are examples to follow, they are words of wisdom

's

I struggle too-- this last past month so much stress has been going on that I just want to get a bottle, i want to smoke weed, or get something stronger-- For me it was a coping skill ....

Today even though at times I feel like with my emotional swings I am still using drugs I am not-- and i always remind myself-- It would be much much worse if I were to be using again, not only in the swings being worse but also the out come and aftermath of using.

It will not solve my problem, perhaps and most likely would create bigger problems.

I bearly have the funds now for regular things-- if i were to use I would be into more debt and so on.

I don't know if any of this helps-- but it is just letting you know-- to keep on going, doing this for you

This TOO shall Pass, and when you look back upon it- you can take a deep breath and say-- See I did it- I made it through- and ya know what?? I made it through with out drinking.

That feeling there- at least for me-- Is so wonderful when i do get past things, and realize that-- I was strong, i was able to do it..... it took time, and yes maybe many tears were shed but it passed

's

One substitute for me-- Due to Mental Escape was the main thing for me-- is I paint, or do art, or listen to music-- i give myself OR Try to at least (I myself have been bad and need to take my own advice) but to allow myself to just veg out naturally!

[notz]

For me, "better" is a relative term and I've learned to substitute "different" for "better".

Since my last drink, my life has been life...some ups and and some downs, some good, some bad. The part that's unique is I'm more able to deal with life on life's terms resisting using alcohol or any other method to cope.

Emotional muscle in addition to everything else is what I would throw into this mix. You're an incredibly strong woman, you've been through a lot and you're still forging ahead. Keep it that way. It gets different, not necessarily better. Put your nose down...no picking up, not the 1st one, not any.

[tokiwartooth]

Actually chocolate does help, I've tried it and it works. Also, this may sound weird, but I eat peanut butter. It really helps as well.

[cookfan56]

SplitImage -- you are indeed at a point where many people relapse. If you are so emotional that you are having urges to self-injure and are crying so often, have you talked to someone about possible depression? Depression, lifelong depression, has caused relapses with me. I needed to be treated right with the right meds to finally get longterm sobriety.

Other people also made good suggestions. Do try hanging out with people from the program. However, make sure to avoid those who gossip about others!! I am finding out through recent bad experiences with my own sponsor that some program people gossip and that isn't healthy for anyone.

Good luck and congrats with your sobriety so far!!

[notz]

How are you doing?

[splitimage]

Thanks everybody, and thanks for asking about me Notz - I made 8 months and for now at least the cravings are fewer, I've also made it through some major stressors (Academic) so there's a little less pressure on me now.

I did make an appointment with my psychiatrist who finally agreed with me that I'm depressed, in addition to being overstressed. He's agreed to raise one of my more helpful meds for me. It's only been a couple of days on the higher dose, but it's fast acting and already, I can feel it helping.

splitimage

[johnf22881]

It absolutely gets better! I've found that focus can be an amazing tool to have in your arsenal when used mindfully... Enjoy and keep the faith!

[cookfan56]

SplitImage -- I am so happy you are doing better!! It is so hard to get through these first months, and depression makes it so much harder. It's excellent that you were able to ask your psychiatrist for help and he gave it. Sometimes we are so unable to act in our depression, that we can't get to appointments and ask for the help we need.

Kudos!