...searching?
.....searching!!....something for something.....

senses desperate sense my senses are desperate....emotional sexual physical too bad it's gonna hurt me I am flying!...

and I ain't even arrived yet the decision is powerful there is movement inside me I will do freaking anything suddenly my universe is intact.....

warped mess it's intact...

so many times...so many times will I survive this time?

drug addict

push that aside and go to the place go to the place please make it to the place.......

where did this urge come from?
I was a cool kid...once.
now ?....

well it's obvious....I damaged myself...pumping gram after gram of meth into myself day after night after day for years and years.

no wonder my poor brain is a mess.....

lucky I have a spirit.....lucky the Angels help me.

the thing is...when you let go that bad??

all the bad stuff...and I mean all of it!....it comes

[madisgram]

i think you really know the answer. the obsession to return to that dreadful place has very alluring properties. in my case the obession came from a desire to check out instead of taking on life without escaping. i had to go to therapy to learn of ways to live and learn life coping skills to tamper out the ongoing obsession with alcohol. i would have a new resolve when i'd get sober but then a curve ball came knocking me off my feet. i'd opt for the easy way out...oblivion.

so many times...so many times will I survive this time?

it's a crapshoot. russian roulette. if we continue to push our luck that bullet finally fires. is it worth it?

where did this urge come from?
I was a cool kid...once.
now ?....

the person you were is still inside you. let it reemerge. it hasn't left you. you have left it.