Sharing?

Days of Healing, Days of Joy.................................................Dec. 3rd

"How does discretion fit in the openness? I worry about careless talk............
..................................................................................Vonnie W

All information isn't meant to be shared - other people's confidences, for example, or tidbits of gossip that are just as likely to be untrue as true. Nor is it prudent to broadcast all the details of our private lives, either in public or in meetings of adult children. Especially when our stories involve intimate details about friends and family members.

Personal revelation is important to recovery, but where do we draw the line? Sharing is magic, and the secrets we refuse to share can weigh down our wings. What is appropriate?

Two guidelines have helped other recovering people: Find a trusted sponsor. We can rely on our sponsor's judgment, as our own develops, to determine which items are safe for group discussion and which aren't. When in doubt, don't. If there's any question at all about breaching someone else's privacy, we should say nothing until we've carefully thought through the consequences. We can always speak out at a later time.
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Today, I pray for the wisdom to share what I should and leave the rest unsaid.

Early in recovery, before I had a sponsor, I had a problem at home and spoke of it at a meeting. I didn't know the "rules" of what was appropriate and what wasn't. Unfortunately, this information got out on the "street" and got back to my family, which cause unnecessary hurt. At the next meeting, I spoke up and told the group I was hurt and appalled that what I had shared at the meeting had gone out on the "street" and couldn't believe that everyone who had promised that "what is shared here stays here" could do something like that. From then on, I didn't share anything personal and I got a sponsor to advise me on such things. While it was my fault, I still couldn't believe at that time that someone could be so hurtful. Now I realize that those are the people who are not serious about recovery and I feel sorry for them.

I had the really unfortunate experience of a 13 stepper. For those not in the know, it's a term for a person who hits on you or uses their "wisdom" to get you into an inappropriate relationship. I never went back. God bless those it helps, but I felt like I was giving up one addiction for another and joining a cult.

I am known as the one who doesn't say anything, and this reading is part of my reasoning. I have had my trust broke too many times. Sad but true. I came into this world alone and I will go out alone.

Thickntired - I was 13th stepped myself twice very early in recovery, but I'd been warned about it too. The guys that 13 step "newbies" are just dry drunks and aren't serious about recovery. They're just out for one thing!

I always warn newcomers about the possibility of this happening. It's sad but it happens.

Leed I love all of your threads and get so much from them.

Since I'm still a newbie(I will be 9mths sober on the 19th). I wanted to share something my sponsor tells me "Stick with the winners" and "Take what you need and leave the rest". That really stood in my head. Her and her husband both have great soberity and have guided me in the right direction. I'm lucky enough to have a very good homegroup as well. Who thankfully I can trust, they have warned me about the 13 steppers and loose talkers along the road I've traveled in AA so far.

Again thank you so much for your post. I always get something out of them

Leed,

I think AA is important to you and you've found your niche there. Which I'm happy about and I don't want to put any path to sobriety down. That being said, I just wanted to say thanks that regardless you still warn newbies about 13th steppers.

It is sad that it's a problem. I actually got physically involved with my counselor in rehab and was supplied drugs from them.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT