[Raynaadi]

We do not pronounce anyone as alcoholic......ugh. I need help on this one guys. This is gonna be kinda long.

My boyfriend and I were together when I was a freshman in high school. That was 14 years ago. We stayed friends of and on throughout the years, and then got back together oh about 3 years ago and got really serious. He was living with me, and that was when my drinking had gotten really bad. We played a lot of pool and drank a lot of beer. He would drink with me on the weekends, but never during the week like I did. He ended up leaving me because my drinking was so bad, which made me hit my bottom a month later and get sober. We remained friends yet again, and I didn't date anyone afterwards, not seriously anyway, since I was struggling to get through my first year of sobriety. He was always very supportive and proud of me. I made my amends to him. He took it well. He questioned why I couldn't get sober when I was with him and I told him that it was loosing him that made me realize the unmanageability of my drinking. We had talks, and he'd tell me about times that he went out to drink and then his friend would tell him things he'd said the next day that he didn't remember saying. The only thing I said to him was that he used to keep up with me, and I'm an alcoholic, so he'd better watch it and catch it now. We had talks later about the fact that he didn't really keep up with me, that yes he'd drink with me, but I'd always drink more. Which was true, for the most part. Since he was hanging ou with me more, he didn't go out with the guys and drink, and he's never taken a drink when he's with me. I convinced myself he's a normie. At first I thought he was an alcoholic because he drank with me, but he was able to not drink for weeks at a time.

Well, last night he called me, and Tuesday he had gone to the batting cages after work with his co-workers. He was drinking soda, but then the guys in the cage next to them were leaving, and just gotten a piture so they gave it to them. He drank that and then they went to a bar and drank more. He didn't have any money on him so his friends were buying all the drinks, just beer. There were no drugs, just the beer. He doesn't remember leaving that bar and getting dropped off at his car which was still parked at work. He doesn't remember driving his car to the bar next to his work and doesn't remember what he did at the bar. The next thing he knows, he came out and couldn't find his car so he walked home, waking up his parents, who called the cops and reported the car stolen. He went to bed. He woke up yesterday morning and his tv was laying face down on the floor. Doesn't remember how that happened. He hopped in his mom's car and drove it towards work, and there was his car parked on the street near the bar. It hadn't been stolen, he'd forgotten where he parked it. Thank God that he couldn't find that car and walked home.

I completely left out that we've been back together for about 2 months now. He was with me through the MS diagnosis and everything, and we decided to give the relationship another try. We've loved each other for 14 years now. I set boundries for myself, that we had to start off like a normal relationship, because in the past, I always got drunk and jumped in to bed with someone, and that's how the relationships started. He was no exception when we got back together 3 years ago. So things have been going really great, he's been very supportive through the MS and still supportive of my sobriety. He even goes to meetings with me sometimes, and likes them. My AA friends love him. He's always joking that he's an imposter, since he's a normie.

But is he? After this whole blackout, I'm not sure. He didn't have a hangover at all the next morning. I've heard a lot of peple say that they didn't ever have hangovers. I sure did. I was good. I was so glad he was able to tell me. I would have been afraid to tell me, haha. I don't know if he was expecting a lecture since he told the good lil AA about a blackout, but I didn't. "Working with others" popped in my head and I kept it on my side of the street. I told him I hadn't even ever blacked out that bad. I tried to keep it serious when he started joking about it. I asked him if he thought it was a problem and he said, "Well it's not good...." He said he'll be embarassed to go back to that last bar because he doesn't know what happened while he was there. His phone is broken too, and he doesn't remember that.

So, my question to the non-alcoholics here: Do you ever black out like that from drinking? Do normies experience that? As an alcoholic, I tend to jump to, "Oh he or she's an alcoholic" when I hear stories of drinking too much, but I know it's not always true. Normies can drink heavily and not be alcoholic.

I know he's going to have to realize it himself, if he is. But if he is, can I help him hit a softer bottom so he realizes it? I don't want him to have to end up in jail if it's not necessary, and I definetly don't want him to end up dead.

My sobriety has definetly gotten him thinking about his drinking, and he doesn't drink often now. Could it have been a story of white-knuckling it and then having the alcoholic allergic reaction when he did drink?

I'll love him through whatever the next step is, but my sobriety of course will come first. If he becomes a raging alcoholic with the untreated disease, I won't be able to do it. If he is an alcoholic, I want to nudge him in the right direction without angering him.

I will be calling my sponsor later and talking to other women in the program, but I wanted to bring this here too. I need experience strength and hope on this one, both from the alcoholics and non-alcoholics.

Thanks,
Rayna

[Rhapsody]

1st QUESTION...... Does he do this often? - if NO then I would not say that he is an alcoholic, but rather a man that cannot say NO to his male buddies when they get together.... IMO (from seeing other's) many ppl that drink on occasions do it to the point of blacking out or not being able to fully function as a normal person would.



LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Raynaadi]

He used to do it often, not blacking out this bad, but drinking quite often. Then he made the conscious decision to cut back. Then this happened. Do you think it was just a binge drinking episode? I never even blacked out that bad.

[Rhapsody]

IMO - It sounds like MEN gone WILD!!

......................... some never know when to STOP!!

[shadowalker164]

Ray, if I could reach through this computer and kick you in the ***, I would. Someone must have told you by now that they will get you drunk long before you get them sober.

And No, to the best of my knowledge, normal people (whatever that is) never experience blackouts. They stop drinking long before that. You know this!

It’s your life, Ray, but somebody needs to tell you that you are playing with fire here. I am interested in what the other sober women in your circle suggest.

No guy, no matter how cute, is worth your sobriety.

Your friend
Richard

[Raynaadi]

Richard, I agree with you wholeheartedly. One thing that's not quite true though, is this: "they will get you drunk long before you get them sober" I'm the only one who can get me drunk, and I can't get anyone sober. I haven't been able to talk it over with my sponsor yet. Hopefully today. This situation sucks because he's not just some guy I just met. I've been in love with him since I was 12. But, you're right, no guy is worth my sobriety, that is the only thing I know for sure. I talked to his mom last night, got to hear it all from her. Scared the hell out of me. I know that pain...the pain he was feeling was the pain I felt at the end. She asked me what I said to him, and I told her that no matter what our relationship, he's another person with a drinking problem to me now, and I couldn't lecture him, lest ruin any possibility of him finding help. When we had "the talk" about getting back together, he told me his biggest fear was that I would drink. The last time we were together, I was drunk all the time.

I know I'm playing with fire here. I honestly thought he was normie. The woman I've been able to talk to about this said there are people who drink too much sometimes, but who are we to classify as alchoholic. I don't know, I really don't.

What I do know is that this will NOT affect my sobriety. I know we heard this from Bama. I'd like to think I've built a stronger foundation than that. My relationship with HP is a good one, and I don't ignore those messages. I know HP speaks through others, so I'm heeding everything I'm hearing. I have to make sure though, that I'm not throwing him away due to contempt prior to investigation. There are plenty of people who got into a relationship in sobriety and then found out the other person was an alcoholic. If he is, and gets help, great. If he is, and it continues, then it will have to be over. Do I think he deserves the chance to come to a realization without me bailing on him? Yes. Do I think I deserve the chance to keep the man I've loved for 15 years? Yes. Do I think this might jeoprodize my sobriety? No. I'll let it go before it does. I love my sobriety more than life itself, more than guys, more than cats, more than my sponsor, more than my friends, more than HP, more than everything. So, I pray for the next right thought and direction, and I will pray for him. Only time will tell on this one.

[Raynaadi]

PS- I did get more scared after I read this, so I'm gonna go stalk my sponsor at the meeting she said she'd be at today at noon.

[Raynaadi]

PPS- I'm gonna keep posting about this every day while I see what's gonna happen. You guys here are an integral part of my sobriety. My fellowship that lives in the box on my desk. Ok, no more PS's I don't think hehheeh. Thanks again guys. Love ya!

[Raynaadi]

Had a great talk with my sponsor on Friday, so she knows everything. She said that normal drinkers do drink too much sometimes, and do the same stupid stuff we did, the difference is, they learn from it, smack themselves on the forhead and say not doin that again. My boyfriend went to play pool with his buddies Friday night like he always does and went back to the bar that he can't remember being at. No one remembers him doing anything, so he got a little more of the story. He was drinking a Sprite and one of his friends asked if he wanted a beer and he was like, nah I'm ok with my sprite. They kept pressing and he kept saying I'm really ok with my sprite. Finally they laughed and asked him if he was scared and he said ***** yeah!!!! I'm ok with my sprite!!!!! It sounds to me like an isolated incident, and my sponsor thinks so as well, though we can never be sure. We worked an inventory on it, and she said "More will be revealed". She completely agreed with me that I'm the only person who can get me drunk. She knows me inside and out, knows my inventories, and knows that I'm doing the work it takes to stay sober. I told her that if it becomes a problem, I'll leave faster than an active alkie can drink a beer. She also knows him, knows our story. So....countless people are keeping an eye on the situation. I'll be ok. I'm standing by him, for now. Her other sponsee was there too, and she agreed that she wouldn't do this if it was just some guy she'd just met, but she knows our story too, and knows this is not some guy off the street. I'm feeling much better then I did Friday. It was great to go to a meeting and cry and grab on to my sponsor. I told my boyfriend that he made me run to my sponsor and work some steps haha, which is a wonderful thing.

[shadowalker164]

Ray, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I’m lying, I did mean to yell at you. I like you. I like you a lot. I have seen your growth over the last 2 years?, and how things turn out for you matters to me.

I also remember Bama very well, and when I sense the same pattern reemerging, I felt the need to say something. It is your life sugar, and I suppose he does deserve the benefit of the doubt. You seem to have your head on straight, and a wise sponsor to sound this thing off of. That is all anyone needs as long as they keep their sobriety first.

Like you said “Only time will tell on this one.”

Have fun, be happy, and be in love. This life is too short to miss out on these things. They are, after all, the coin of our lives.

Your friend on this long strange trip,
Richard

[Raynaadi]

I know everything that was said was out of concern, and that's why I ran to my sponsor, haha! I remember Bama well too, and she popped in my head when I was posting the whole thing. I learned what not to do from her. I'm not jumping into anything with my boyfriend, even though we had a serious live in relationship in the past. I had set boundries for myself and my next relationship, a dating period is a must, and he is no exception. He is very respectful of that, even when it's time for him to go home in the evenings. He absolutely is not, and never has been, in any way abusive. I don't stand for that. I'm hoping this whole blackout thing was an isolated incident. Don't worry, my guard is up, and my HP is BIG. =)