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Old Sep 30, 2013, 07:22 PM
HikingChick HikingChick is offline
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Posts: 13
Hi everyone! After about 15 years of doing drugs and drinking (I am 26) and being in and out of rehabs and trying to stop over and over I think I reached my "bottom" 3 months ago. I thought for a while I could be a social drinker and I didnt have addiction issues (despite having personal, financial, and school problems in the past..it is funny how you lie to yourself). But slowly it became an obsession again and I started drinking every night and taking benzos and just went futher down. I stopped drinking, thinking I had a problem but not a physical one. Well I ended up getting withdrawals for a week and that really woke me up to the problem. I knew I had to stop, I had no choice really. I saw for the first time in my life how many relationships and years I lost because of my substance use.

So I told my friends and family I was stopping all drugs and drinking three months ago. No one believed me. I dont think anyone still does that I am serious about this. My friend even said to me "when you decide to start drinking again we will get drunk, I will be waiting for you" I continually am getting invites for getting drunk and someone offered me drugs this past weekend. I have declined but obviously it is hard. This weekend I really want to get drunk or high cause I was feeling really depressed but I ended up not because I remember the bad stuff taht went along with it. No one believes me in my life that I can do this and that I can quit. People are waiting for me to mess up again. I try to hang out with trustworthy people and the people I thought I could trust are the very people who think I am going to fail. It makes me sad.

So I am going to try to post here cause I just need some support in this endevor. 96 days and counting.
Hugs from:
LadyShadow, notz, optimize990h

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  #2  
Old Oct 01, 2013, 12:44 AM
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optimize990h optimize990h is offline
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Location: Canada
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Have you considered a twelve step group like AA, CA, NA, or EA(Emotions Anonymous.)? I mention these groups because there are people who may have endured similar situations as you by sharing common bonds via the behaviours, emotions, and feelings that can occur from use of substances or emotions. For some people, 12 step programs are ideal to provide them with a lifetime of support. For others, the fit may not be perfect or close to perfection. These thoughts are just suggestions or "somethings to consider." It is just that the companionship and support from these groups do help people. Take what you like and leave the rest behind. I do hope you find the answers to your situation so that you will come to realize that the emotions and feelings you have share a common bond will those who have travelled in the footprints you have made. Take care.
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Thanks for this!
HikingChick, notz
  #3  
Old Oct 01, 2013, 01:19 AM
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ADDithers ADDithers is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: Los Angeles CA
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Hiking chick, eh? Maybe the true source of "will power" is staring you in the face. I cut my teeth on trails. Then got swept up in the whirlwind of the '60's - my body became a guinea pig for every new sensation. Then I remember a hike in Yosemite - at every switchback I had to stop & catch my breath - and smoke a cigarette. Somewhere on that hike I had an epiphany - I realized I was forfeiting something I really loved for something that I knew had a dead end. I tossed the cigarettes (not on the trail and never turned on again. That was over 43 years ago.

Just a few months ago I climbed Mt. Dana. Doubtful I'd even be alive if I'd kept buzzing much less been able to climb a 13,000 ft mountain in the Sierra Nevada. It is a rare occasion I'll have a beer - not about to form a beer belly. Just keep telling yourself what is worth more - that high or hitting a trail that will take you the real high...

Hey Everyone, I am a Newbie Needing Support
Thanks for this!
HikingChick
  #4  
Old Oct 01, 2013, 04:51 PM
HikingChick HikingChick is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 13
Yeah my new love is hiking, that is so amazing about your accomplishments and the way you have really taken it up. On the weekends I head up to the mountains or go camping and it is thrilling. It really really has helped me to stay sober I wish I had more time to do it but life seems to get in the way. I still smoke (boo) and wish I could let that go so I could be in top physical form.

About AA, I am willing to try it again. I have had some bad experiences in the past. I may be moving soon and hope to find some meetings in another area. I do have someone that kind of acts like a sponsor to me and we talk about the steps. She is my only real connection to the groups. I just feel like people got so sick of me going out and relapsing and without telling me, two sponsors dropped me because they said I was a hopeless case. So it is just trying to overcome that shame.
  #5  
Old Oct 02, 2013, 12:06 AM
tdorkmen tdorkmen is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Posts: 3
There is no shame in relapse. There is only opportunity. Staying sober isnt for your friends or your family it is for you. Who cares if you fail? Not the ones expecting you to fail. If you do, it only satisfy there desire to predict the obvious. Staying sober is a choice, it doesnt happen by accident or luck. It is hard work but you control your desires to succeed. You can choose to drink anytime but you can choose not to drink too. What will you choose today? The obvious or maybe something different. Your day is ripe with opportunity.
  #6  
Old Oct 02, 2013, 02:09 AM
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ADDithers ADDithers is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by HikingChick View Post
Yeah my new love is hiking, that is so amazing about your accomplishments and the way you have really taken it up. On the weekends I head up to the mountains or go camping and it is thrilling. It really really has helped me to stay sober I wish I had more time to do it but life seems to get in the way. I still smoke (boo) and wish I could let that go so I could be in top physical form.
Well I'm not a fanatic about exercise & health, but some things are a no brainier - and I'm not about to purposely tear up my health - life is short enough as it is, I figure, why purposely shorten it!!?? And there's something so invigorating about hiking - especially when you're doing positive things - and not negative - to build up your health! Keep it up!

Here's another 'high':

Hey Everyone, I am a Newbie Needing Support
  #7  
Old Oct 02, 2013, 04:12 PM
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GeorgiaGirl413 GeorgiaGirl413 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 696
Quote:
Originally Posted by HikingChick View Post
Yeah my new love is hiking, that is so amazing about your accomplishments and the way you have really taken it up. On the weekends I head up to the mountains or go camping and it is thrilling. It really really has helped me to stay sober I wish I had more time to do it but life seems to get in the way. I still smoke (boo) and wish I could let that go so I could be in top physical form.

About AA, I am willing to try it again. I have had some bad experiences in the past. I may be moving soon and hope to find some meetings in another area. I do have someone that kind of acts like a sponsor to me and we talk about the steps. She is my only real connection to the groups. I just feel like people got so sick of me going out and relapsing and without telling me, two sponsors dropped me because they said I was a hopeless case. So it is just trying to overcome that shame.

Your experiences with AA might have been bad because you really weren't ready for what AA had to offer. I know that was my case. Also, if you are in a large enough town there are most likely several groups. Try them all and see which one fits you best. You are not a hopeless case, you can get better. But you have to be able to be honest with yourself and others about your disease. If you can't do that you will have a hard time in recovery. If you go to an AA group where they make you feel ashamed, unwelcome, or like a failure then you are in the wrong place. Just be sure that it is the group that makes you feel that way and not your own feelings about yourself. If AA doesn't work, you might try NA you also have substance abuse concerns. Good luck to you. You can do it. Just take it one day at a time.
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I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me.
  #8  
Old Oct 02, 2013, 04:16 PM
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GeorgiaGirl413 GeorgiaGirl413 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 696
Quote:
Originally Posted by HikingChick View Post
Hi everyone! After about 15 years of doing drugs and drinking (I am 26) and being in and out of rehabs and trying to stop over and over I think I reached my "bottom" 3 months ago. I thought for a while I could be a social drinker and I didnt have addiction issues (despite having personal, financial, and school problems in the past..it is funny how you lie to yourself). But slowly it became an obsession again and I started drinking every night and taking benzos and just went futher down. I stopped drinking, thinking I had a problem but not a physical one. Well I ended up getting withdrawals for a week and that really woke me up to the problem. I knew I had to stop, I had no choice really. I saw for the first time in my life how many relationships and years I lost because of my substance use.

So I told my friends and family I was stopping all drugs and drinking three months ago. No one believed me. I dont think anyone still does that I am serious about this. My friend even said to me "when you decide to start drinking again we will get drunk, I will be waiting for you" I continually am getting invites for getting drunk and someone offered me drugs this past weekend. I have declined but obviously it is hard. This weekend I really want to get drunk or high cause I was feeling really depressed but I ended up not because I remember the bad stuff taht went along with it. No one believes me in my life that I can do this and that I can quit. People are waiting for me to mess up again. I try to hang out with trustworthy people and the people I thought I could trust are the very people who think I am going to fail. It makes me sad.

So I am going to try to post here cause I just need some support in this endevor. 96 days and counting.

You are exactly right about other people. Almost all of us with addicition issues have lived through that. The thing is, we caused it. We have disappointed family and friends over and over again. Why should they trust us now? You have to quit telling them what you are going to do and show them what you are doing by the way you live your life. Stay away from those who would encourage you to do otherwise. Get to an AA or an NA meeting. When I first stopped drinking I went to 2 a day. The only social functions I attended were AA sponsored. It was difficult at first, but I have been sober for 2 years now. When I think that a drink would be good, I "play that tape to the end" and realize that it will only end badly and all those folks who thought I wouldn't make it will be right. Hang in there. You can do it!!!!!
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I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me.
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