[perniciousfirefly]

yeah i can't ever love myself i am a socially inept human being.

* AS YOUNG CHILD UP UNTIL 8 I FELT A SENSE OF SECURITY
* THEN MOVE AROUND ALL THE TIME AND ALWAYS THE NEW GIRL ( DUE TO MY DAD WHO WAS IN FORCES WHICH IS NOT HIS FAULT AS HE IS MY ROCK)
* BULLIED AS IM SOME WIERDO
* CHILDLINE IS MY BEST FRIEND AT 10/11 WHICH I TOLD A PSCHOLOGIST
* EATING DISORDERS BECAME MY BEST FRIEND AFTER RAPED AT 14 AND
* YEAH I HAD FRIENDS BUT EASILY LOST EM YEARS LATER DUE TO MY BEHAVIOURS ESP STARTING ILLICIT RECREATIONAL DRUGS TO GET HIGH
* wENT TO UNI AT 19 AFTER A YEAR OUT AND COULDN'T COPE AFTER MY CASUAL BOYFRIEND RAPED ME IN A CAR PARK WHICH THE BRUISES AND GRAZES SHOWED AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON

IM 31 NOW TWO CHILDREN AND WHO DONT LIVE WITH ME FOLLOWING A BREAKDOWN WHEN MY SON WAS 8 WEEKS OLD, LED TO 13 MONTHS IN HOSPITALIZATION

I WORKED AS A QUALIFED NURSE AFTER EVENTUALLY COMPLETING MY 3 YEAR COURSE

I AM A FREAK WIS I WAS A SOCIAL PERSON, BUT I AINT.

CANT GET BACK THE LIFE I HAD.X

THIS IS ONLY A SUPERFICIAL LAYER OF THINGS

SORRY

MY ADVICE IS GET HELP BEFORE YA END UP LIKE ME LOSING YA LIFE WITH A PERSONALITY DISORDER

[gayleggg]

Sounds like you have really suffered from your mental illness and have coped the best you new how to do. Are you still working? Are still taking drugs to escape? Do you have a psychiatrist? I hope you find relief soon.

[moomoocows]

I am not entirely sure if I have BPD or not, but I have been told that in the past and told I have tendencies.

I also have an issue with alcohol abuse and it gets really bad the day after I went on a binge with my depression. I recently had a break-down. I know drinking in combination with the disorder are really bad.

I know for me it is hard to not want to rely on the substance to help me forget things, but it always ends up making me feel worse in the end and especially the next day.

do you take medication?

[Evil Schnoodle]

I have been told I have bipolar disorder and BPD traits...and I also abuse alcohol. I've been on meds for about 2-3 years now. I can empathize with the pain...the raw emotions...and for me it is often shame...I have felt like I am a bad person sometimes. And I can get so caught up in this that I just plunge into suffering. Lately I've been trying to look at myself differently. If I knew another person who has been through all I have in life and often suffers, would I hate them or have compassion? So, I've been trying to be compassionate with myself - I makes so much sense that I would drink to feel better given all I've been through. Works great short term....stinks as a long-term solution. What would it be like if you saw yourself as a person who has been through a lot and suffers...and chose to drink because it had helped you at times in your life? You have been through a lot of traumatic things...and deserve all of the self-compassion in the world. Someone once told me that "it's not what I've done in life, it is what has happened to me". You are a worthy person, no matter what life has handed you.....

[IndieVisible]

I did my share of abusing substances when I was younger. I mellowed out. I still drink a little but that's about it.

Pernicious you've clearly had a tough time but any disorder you or anyone else has is really beyond our own control and these days it can be very hard to find help. Many people just have to try and live with what we have.

[Mustkeepjob32]

I have BPD and occasionally abuse alcohol and suppose I am an alcoholic. I wish I didn't ever want to drink. But I'm pretty sure drinking has caused a lot of my worst interpersonal and work problems over at least the last 10 years.