[Chartres]

I've been going to AA meetings for just over a month now which is a huge positive step for me. I have used alcohol to cope with feelings and denial from sexual assault. Today I was looking forward to getting my 30 day chip.

Then, the last share before handing out chips was a visitor who started talking about his sexual additions, getting hard ons, masturbating, etc. I was one of only two women in the room and he actually said that he probably shouldn't talk about this in mixed company but the men in the room would understand him.

I feel angry and triggered by this. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and helpless. I know a large part of this is because of my history but I also think it was inappropriate for him to talk about this because it is AA not Sex Anonymous. I'm also mad that it happened right before the chips were handed out because I feel he robbed me of some enjoyment of that.

[Altered Moment]

I agree he should not have shared in mixed company. There are men's meetings for that. I feel meetings should be pretty open to talk about a wide range of topics that have to do with our mental health and addictions. Not just pure alcohol and the steps and so on. It should not be a dumping ground either. Obviously there is a time and a place. He needs to go to a men's only meeting.

I am sorry it took away from your 30 day chip. Triggers and learning to deal with them are a part of recovery. Our obsession to use can be triggered by peoples stories as well.

Great job on getting your 30 day chip. That is huge!!!

[Chartres]

Thanks for the response. I agree that AA meetings should be open to other topics but this guy didn't bring his sex story back to alcohol in any way. I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity to accept the things I cannot change (his share) and change the things I can (my response). Instead of feeling victimized, I can say "he is an a hole" or "I feel his share was inappropriate for the situation" or "I am uncomfortable with what he shared" and let it go. Even posting on here about it is a positive change for me because I am reaching out and asking for perspective outside myself instead of internalizing and letting it fester. Thanks for listening.

[Altered Moment]

Good for you and that is a very healthy way of looking at it. You are right you have no control over what others say and do only how you react to it. You don't have to like the guy though.

Hopefully a guy with some experience in AA told him it was not ok and save it for sex and love addicts anonymous or a mens meeting.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Chartres

I've been going to AA meetings for just over a month now which is a huge positive step for me. I have used alcohol to cope with feelings and denial from sexual assault. Today I was looking forward to getting my 30 day chip.

Then, the last share before handing out chips was a visitor who started talking about his sexual additions, getting hard ons, masturbating, etc. I was one of only two women in the room and he actually said that he probably shouldn't talk about this in mixed company but the men in the room would understand him.

I feel angry and triggered by this. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and helpless. I know a large part of this is because of my history but I also think it was inappropriate for him to talk about this because it is AA not Sex Anonymous. I'm also mad that it happened right before the chips were handed out because I feel he robbed me of some enjoyment of that.

i felt he was being selfish and an ***** for doing this, the fact that he said he probably shouldn't means he knew right from wrong and did it anyway, it amazes me how stupid and ignorant people can be..these are the kinds of situations that make me hate people at times, why would you do that with 2 women in the room, that is totally incomprehensible. there is a time and a place for everything

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Chartres

Thanks for the response. I agree that AA meetings should be open to other topics but this guy didn't bring his sex story back to alcohol in any way. I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity to accept the things I cannot change (his share) and change the things I can (my response). Instead of feeling victimized, I can say "he is an a hole" or "I feel his share was inappropriate for the situation" or "I am uncomfortable with what he shared" and let it go. Even posting on here about it is a positive change for me because I am reaching out and asking for perspective outside myself instead of internalizing and letting it fester. Thanks for listening.

glad you are taking it so well, if i would have been at that meeting i would have told him about himself, that was totally not cool..i'm glad you are ok, it's people like him that give us guys a bad name

[thickntired]

That is absolutely out of line! I was at a women's AA mtg where sex was the topic and that was bad enough. Maybe you can try other mtgs and look for a home group where you're safe. Big Congrats on your chip!! Woot Woot

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[Altered Moment]

It does talk about it in the book a lot but that is meant to be in private with your sponsor in working the steps. You will hear a lot of crazy inappropriate shares in AA a good secretary will shut them down but most of the time they won't. We are a lot of sick people trying to get better. Don't let an a hole run you off. Find the women in your town and stick to em like glue. In my experience they really watch out for each other. If some guy tries the ole 13th step on you a women with some time will run him off and try to protect you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk