[Freewilled]

I've come to the conclusion that I have a problem with addiction. I'm at least addicted to cigarettes but I think I'm also codependent. Possibly, at the very least, in a dysfunctional/borderline abusive relationship...

About 7 years ago, I read Allen Carr's book to try to stop smoking and I stopped for almost 4 years. Not a single smoke in all that time and then I started again. Been smoking for the last 2.5-3 years. For several months before I started, I was almost haunted internally with thoughts of smoking. It got to the point where I just knew I would fail. What happened?

I've been bothered by this the whole time. Even tried to read the book again but I was too disillusioned

Now I just read it again and stopped smoking 3 days ago. And it's been....somewhat different. The only real effort appears to be mental. It's all mental for me. I'm scared of the addiction mindset - the one that says I like smoking. I enjoy it. Life is dull without it. I'll never deal with stress well so it's only a matter of time cause I'm weak. All these things are lies for me but they seem SO real.

I am still trying to work out why I started up again after 4 years smoke free. I am thinking I missed a central message when I read the book. I didn't believe it. I thought I had to have a substitute ie food, internet, etc. I used willpower - at least initially. Once I broke the habit piece and physiological triggers etc. it got easier and easier. But I stayed vulnerable. I was vulnerable and that's how I started up again. I don't want to be vulnerable like that so am trying to wrap my brain around the concept of just stopping without willpower. Like changing my mind - to where I don't want to smoke. Because I really don't - it contributes greatly to my mental stuff.

I just needed to get this out there....Anyone relate?

[glok]

Hello, Freewilled. Quitting smoking was very difficult for me. I wish you well.

[Perna]

What you say feels rigid to me, you want to think one way or feel one way or another. We cannot control our thoughts and feelings, they just are. All we can control is our actions. It is tempting to smoke, give in to the urges but you have to remember why you do not want to smoke (not just that you do not want to smoke) and put that against the urges to smoke and then act on what you want rather than what you feel. Yes, the feelings are wants, also, and it is not good to be either just a thinker/logical or just a feeler but you have information that the feelings are "false", part of an addiction and that smoking is truly bad for your health. If someone gave you a poisoned drink and told you to drink it, told you it was poison, you would not drink it even if they threatened you in some other way. You would hold out for rescue/something else to change, let them go through with their threat, before you would give in. View the urges not as "wrong" but as threats to you. Your body is being held hostage and being used against you. You are trying to rescue your body. Don't give in.

[Freewilled]

Ugh. I don't want to be rigid /: This stuff is SO frustrating to me....

[spondiferous]

Addiction is a frustrating thing. And yeah, it's not black or white either. I'm a black and white thinker even though I don't want to be. I quit drinking and drugs eight years ago with the help of a 12 step program, after half a decade of trying to do it on my own and even going into a treatment facility and failing at that. It wasn't until I had information on addiction and what it actually was, and that smoking was an addiction in itself, and not some special separate thing, that I was able to quit smoking for good, too.

What keeps me solid in my path is that I do have some rules around my behaviour that are rigid. I don't eat in pubs, not even with friends. I only go to bars/clubs with other sober people, for shows. I don't eat anything that was cooked with alcohol at any stage. I don't care what people always inevitably say about how the alcohol cooks out. Studies have shown that up to 70% of it stays in the food. That's not the point anyway. I know it's in there. I know how my brain works. I don't want to give it any excuses.

When I quit smoking this last time (6 1/2 years ago) I initially had quit six months before that. But for six months I obsessed about smoking every day. And finally I broke down and bought a pack of smokes. And I smoked half a pack within a few hours. Thankfully for me, someone else in recovery reminded me that if I needed to smoke to solve a problem then I was headed on a dangerous path. I panicked, recognizing the truth in that, and threw the pack away. That was it. I won't tell you I don't crave it sometimes. In fact, once every couple of years or so I hit a slump where sometimes for up to a month at a time all I can think about is smoking, and I'm certain I'm going to relapse. How do I get through it? Any damn way I can. Talk to people, tell them what's happening, stay home, avoid smokers, go to recovery meetings, watch a lot of TV, go for lots of walks, whatever works. It all comes down to what Perna said: I have the information. It's been out of my system for so long now that it's no longer my body that craves it. It's a mental obsession, much different than and separate from compulsion. I do have a choice. I can listen, or not listen. I can act, or not act. Might be a bumpy ride for a few hours, days or weeks, with some white-knuckling. But in the end it's worth it.

You can always message me if you're struggling and need to talk to someone. I rarely check this forum for some reason. Congratulations on quitting and good luck.

[solost365]

I've been having good results using 14mg. Patch.

I've been bothered by this the whole time. Even tried to read the book again but I was too disillusioned

Now I just read it again and stopped smoking 3 days ago. And it's been....somewhat different. The only real effort appears to be mental. It's all mental for me. I'm scared of the addiction mindset - the one that says I like smoking. I enjoy it. Life is dull without it. I'll never deal with stress well so it's only a matter of time cause I'm weak. All these things are lies for me but they seem SO real.

I am still trying to work out why I started up again after 4 years smoke free. I am thinking I missed a central message when I read the book. I didn't believe it. I thought I had to have a substitute ie food, internet, etc. I used willpower - at least initially. Once I broke the habit piece and physiological triggers etc. it got easier and easier. But I stayed vulnerable. I was vulnerable and that's how I started up again. I don't want to be vulnerable like that so am trying to wrap my brain around the concept of just stopping without willpower. Like changing my mind - to where I don't want to smoke. Because I really don't - it contributes greatly to my mental stuff.

I just needed to get this out there....Anyone relate?[/QUOTE]