[Swabbingred]

I live for the weekend and enjoy clubbing and partying more than I should. I've probably wasted 6k this year alone on living for the weekend. I am not a social drinker and prefer pills than alcohol because of the uppity-jittery feeling, you can drive a lot safer on it and it doesn't impair your motor skills or give the negative effects like alcohol does.

Unfortunately after the consumption of too many pills consecutively this year, it has lost its magic (tolerance), it affected my brain weirdly and I feel like nothing can reside next to pills besides something profoundly expensive such as coke and speed and I prefer to save those for festivals.

Yes, I test my pills with a raegent kit and 90% of the time I get MDXX, MDMA or speed - rarely do I get research chemicals like 25i(c)-nBome, analogues of the 2c family or weird stuff like DXM. However, what are methods to quit the pill scene and learn that you do not need pills to have fun, or better yet, what are alternatives than to not go out? I love pills because they create a surrounding you wish was sempiternal, things fall into place perfectly, you love everyone and everything, dancing feels like a safe haven and socialising feels like a spiritual ceremony. I wish these feelings lasted forever but unfortunately no one can roll forever.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi swabbinred

I am very encouraged to hear that you are exploring alternatives to your current lifestyle.

That's a huge step forward!

Wanting to change is the first step forward.

Just a thought. Have you discussed options with your dr? I'm just wondering if there are alternatives that could help you as you transition on your new journey.

Wishing you well and let us know how it goes.

[Swabbingred]

Don't really feel comfortable discussing illicit drugs even as simple as ecstasy to my doc. I was hoping for some feedback from people who were pill-heads who left the scene.

[ramirorico]

Hi,

You'll get tired of the pills. When I was pill munching on morphine my tolerance got so high I had to take more than 10 one-hundred mg pills to feel anything. That's scary.

After a while I simply got tired of them because I didn't get the same feeling. So be patient and continue to explore other things. Have you tried mindfulness walking?

Mindfulness walking is the easiest way to step into the present moment. And being in the present moment is awesome. From my experience, there is no stress in the present moment and it's incredibly relaxing. In fact, you'll notice how relaxing mindfulness walking is after doing it a few times.

To walk mindfully is not hard and it's incredibly beneficial. When I practiced it my posture improved to the point where I was able to sit with my back straight up without having to think about it and the pain I experienced in my lower back disappeared. I highly recommend it.

Don't worry, walking mindfully is easy. What you do is say, 'right foot' when your right foot touches the ground, then 'left foot' when your left foot touches the ground. This is the best way. I've read blogs and articles that tell you to focus on your breath or something else. Don't listen to those people!

In the beginning, walking mindfully is a constant remembering to say 'right foot' and 'left foot'. That's okay. When your mind wanders simply begin to say it again. It'll get easier and you'll notice your posture begin to improve in about two weeks.

[Swabbingred]

Thanks rami!

I've never heard of MW. Will give it a go even though it seems as arbitrary as taking deep breaths and calming down.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by Swabbingred

Thanks rami!

I've never heard of MW. Will give it a go even though it seems as arbitrary as taking deep breaths and calming down.

I'm curious about why you would not want to discuss this with your doc?
Is it a p-doc or psychotherapist or a primary care provider? In any case, they're all beholden to client confidentiality laws. You might benefit from talking to a trained therapist with experience/credentials in addiction treatment. Just a thought. MW and similar strategies will work if you do them consistently and with an open mind. They aren't the quick fixes that your pills are and it may take quite some time before you start noticing any internal changes. Think of this, though: 90% of the general public has found a way to cope with life without intoxicants; what is their strategy?

[Swabbingred]

Hey grand,
I feel reluctant discussing it with my shrink as I don't want to look like a drug-fiend to her.. and her solutions to this conundrum is most likely something as arbitrary as saying no or walking away, once again.

[Altered Moment]

Swabbingred why not follow the advice in your own signature? I guess you would say you are working on that and just not there yet.

I might have a different view on the nature of addiction and alcoholism and maybe how to go about treating it but there is a whole lot of truth to what you say in your sig.

[Swabbingred]

Hey zinc, the advice in my signature was more so relevant to when I use to abuse speed daily and other uppers to maintain a sufficient and persistent high; including crack. It can be relevant to an extent to this problem here but I have trouble trying to maintain this outlook where I don't need drugs in my system to have a good time and wish not to use pills as a tool pertaining to things anyone could enjoy sober. I heavily support MDMA and advocate it in newbies but after several hundred pills it almost feels like my brain is fried and damage is done. I got offered a 6 for $100.00 pill pack (my dealer's Xmas special) and it's going to be this hard to refuse especially when my favorite producers are playing this weekend and all my friends are going. It's hard to say no but so easy to say yes. I'm being so dysphoric to when I admittedly tell myself the comedowns aren't worth it and I'm tolerant towards them now but I feel this has become more self-destructive. I would love to receive advice from an ex pill head or raver. Thanks everyone, tthanks Zinc. Xox

[Altered Moment]

I got sober in 1995 so MDMA, the club and rave scene are after my time. I did X once. I loved psychedelics but didn't do them much. From 1977 to 1995 I consumed huge amounts of alcohol and pot. From 1984 to 1995 huge amounts of cocaine and meth plus alcohol and pot. Throw some other things in there too.

Can't help with your current situation. Given your history I tend to think addiction is addiction. When I was a teen if we could have gotten MDMA of even that synthetic crap 5ce nobd or whatever it is we woulda done it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by Swabbingred

Hey grand,
I feel reluctant discussing it with my shrink as I don't want to look like a drug-fiend to her.. and her solutions to this conundrum is most likely something as arbitrary as saying no or walking away, once again.

Perhaps you need a second opinion from a therapist who understands addiction? You are already moving along the process of making changes in that you recognize the problem. If you've read any articles about MDMA and some of the others, you might know that they do have a considerable impact on the serotonin system, and serotonin is implicated in depression nowadays. Best of luck and thanks for being open and honest here!