The vicious cycle.. At it again!

This evil drug aka Meth has it's grip on me once more. I had almost 15 months clean when I relapsed 3 weeks ago. I've been on a binge since. Crazy how much worse my use is this time around. My addiction is out of control.

My motivation to get clean is slowly increasing. As i write down everything important to me. All that I'll lose if i continue on. I've also written down the pro's and con's of using. That was an eye opener.

This drug is so evil. Why can't I just stop? Knowing that at any time it could just kill me.

Ugh..

you cant stop because that is the nature of addiction. but you are taking the right first steps by admitting you have a problem and seeking things in your life to give you the motivation to stop. now you have to take the next step and reach out for help. it is really difficult to do it alone. make that call. make yourself important. take care.

yes, act fast and take the nxtstep and tell yourself you'll stick with the decision, have others help you too by letting them know you need their help

sending good wishes your way
stay strong

How did you stay clean for 15 months?

Are you smoking it?

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Meth had it's evil grip on me for five long years. A crazy cycle of up and down and psychosis and paranoia and rotting teeth and cuts and pimples that would never heal and obsessively picking and picking at them and loosing all that weight and pants falling off and pale sick skin and all the parts in my garage and this invention and that and go to work long hours and crash to the pits of hell and snort another line and and and and F$%@$ing brutal.

Every time I relapsed I was worse than before...it was like I was trying to catch up. I went through the cycle for years, but finally broke it a long time ago. Maybe I finally "hit bottom" and was willing to do anything to stay clean.

Hi Everyone - I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, but I didn't realize anyone had replied to my thread. I didn't get any notification.

Zinco - I currently smoke and snort the meth.

In 1 day, 8 hours and 16 minutes (Who's counting though?) I'm breaking this cycle once again and admitting myself into treatment. I would've gone sooner, but I had to talk to HR at work and get that all squared away. A bed is waiting for me!!

Good news. You did something right for 15 months so do that. Then you did something wrong or didn't do something so don't do that. simple huh. I wish. but you know what i mean.

Admitting it is the first step I agree but meth addiction is a monster. When your high all you seem to think about is going straight. Your mind goes crazy making up theses fantasy situations. Your consumed by chasing the next high because you don't wanna face the withdrawal, we as users or past users know as eating and sleeping for days which can lead to depression. Once you take that first hit it's like your life is over. I too struggle with meth addiction and it consumes me and my every day life. I got clean for a year because I got pregnant But while I was sober I was so unmotivated, and uncreative. It's like I was miserable. Once your an addict It will be a life long battle to stay sober. My advice, would be this. Seriously, know your triggers. If you were able to stay sober over a year you definitely have the fight in you. If you know your triggers you have It in you to create change and avoid these. Write them down, put reminders everywhere with sticky notes, anything to remind you of what triggers you and all you have to lose by getting back into a vicious cycle. It was so hard cause anything can trigger a relapse and I mean anything. For me it is mainly smell. Or if I visit a certain part of town it would immediately make my mind think of smoking with my friends and then the vicious craving will consume you. I relapsed again as well and I feel as though I've lost my will. Your a strong person and I give you so much credit for staying sober so long. Don't let your relapse put you down. Continue to fight, because your worth so much more then that. YOU CAN DO IT!!

I have been physically dependent on adderall xr for 4 years now. It's gotten to the point where I can't get out of bed for the whole day-even to shower without it. It just now makes me curious, is it true what they say about Adderall "Amphetamine Salts" being the legal cousin of Meth? I've heard of people resorting to meth after their adderall tolerance became too high ( my current dilema) Im currently taking 3X my prescribed dosage (90 mg XR total) just to feel the slightest "euphoric high." Im scared to death of what it's doing to my body longterm. Even short term I can see & feel the toll it's taking on my body everyday. I guess I just need a wakeup call... 😔

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My daughter was a slave to this demon garbage for 3 long years and at times we didn't know if she was alive or dead.She stole from us lied to us and never batted an eyelash while destroying our lives and souls, and we never gave up on her.today she is a beautiful mother of two beautiful little boys and quit on her own when she realized that the monsters that got her involved with drugs were just that,monsters,and erased them from her life.YOU NEED TO DO THE SAME TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Now I am the one struggling with the demons of the past once again,and alcohol is the easy go to fix.

If I was addicted to meth, I would change my consumption method.

Its known that the faster it goes into your system, the more addictive it is.

Maybe (very careful of dosage) try taking it orally instead of snorting or smoking? It may take a few tries to switch over, but you may be able to reduce your usage that way.

If your self medicating some type of problem, you want to find out just what that problem is that your trying to get away from/ fix.

I was going through some old posts and came across this one. Crazy how things have changed and I’ve put a stop to the vicious cycle.

In response to hypermic’s response.. I was self-medicating. For me I was running from things that I didn’t deal with that happened in my past and trying to numbing all the pain I felt. I didn’t know how to handle the negative feelings I was going through. Especially the feelings of rejection and not fitting in.

Today I still deal with negative emotions, but through drug/alcohol treatment and therapy I’m learning how to handle them in a much healthier way.

Wow! I'm really happy for you! I've heard meth is a real bear to beat, but you did it...Inspiring!

It really is. It’s only 8 months consecutively off of it, but I feel great in my recovery this time around. I work hard every day to do something positive and to keep me clean.

Well done, it's inspiring to hear. I'm a functioning Heroine addict have been for 7 years. I just can't seem to shake it.
I stop for days at a time but always slide back.

I am lucky I have 4 beautiful kids that keep me going every day. They are also the main reason I don't spiral out of control.
But I would rather not be on it at all. It's good to hear you're story as I hear meth is also a real nightmare to shake.
Thanks for sharing.

What about a rehab clinic? Are those an option for you to get off the stuff for good?

Hi Erebos! Meth was a real nightmare to shake. It really had a control on me. I won’t lie and say it was easy to quit, but it was so worth it. I have to chase my recovery everyday just as I did the drugs. Personally I went to treatment to kick start things. Learn some coping skills…etc. Every day I have to do something positive to stay clean. For me that is a wide variety of things. From going to the gym, going for a walk, talking or hanging out with a good friend or going to counseling. I just need to keep my mind and body busy.

Do you have a good relationship with those 4 beautiful kids? Just imagine how much better it could be if you were clean.

I am very fortunate, that even though I am a single parent, I have succeeded in keeping all my babies at home with me. My eldest is 20 now, hardly a baby, lol. My youngest is 10.
So this means residential rehab is out the window. I work hard to not let the Gear take over. But every 6 months that goes by I can see it creeping up, and my resolve slip a little more.
I DO NOT WANT TO HIT THE BOTTOM.
I know this needs to stop.
Thank you so much for offering your support, it's a lonely road to start on.